- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
Bees I figured I would update everyone on what happened over the weekend. Here is the original post http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-snooped-dhs-emails-and-found-stufflong
First, I did talk to him and told him I snooped. He was NOT mad that I did and actually said he was sorry those emails were still there and was afraid I’d find them one day. He’s been trying to simplify things (emails, pics, etc.) for a long time and would rather be spending time w/me than digging through old stuff.
He explained that the reason he never told me about his ex was b/c he was ashamed. He said SHE was engaged (although she did try to hook up with him after she married) and he was in a relationship w/his ex-gf. He never loved the girl he was dating at the time and I know I’ve posted about her in the past, he thought she was crazy. She’s the one still telling people she’s with him and has their OLD photos online…even after he’s married.
He also said that he wondered if his first ex and him could make it work…but soon realized that the things she did that made him NOT want to marry her the first time were still the same. He told her they weren’t going anywhere and they ended the affair. He says he has had NO contact with her since we started dating…although he did send her a happy bday message (a month into our relationship) to which she never replied. He is also 100% sure that her young child is NOT his (which was a concern of mine) given the timing of the pregnancy.
As for the girl he met for drinks…I was newly divorced at the time and we were trying to lay low given the fact that he and I became friends right before I separated (like a month before)…we never did anything b/c we were just friends and he was “dating” some girl and I wasn’t interested in any man during my divorce. We used to talk about our past relationships (b/c we were friends) which is pretty much HOW we know so much about each other’s pasts…and honestly, more than what most “couples” share with each other.
He said his coworker wouldn’t let up on him meeting his niece so he decided to go. He said he had NO intentions of hooking up with her…it was for appearances and so his coworker would leave him alone about his relationship status…which everyone at the time thought he was single and lonely. So his emails definitely look bad and that he’s trying to remain “friends” with her….he never attempted to meet up with her again after that night. He mentioned she was drunk and flirting with some guys at the club and was acting really immature. He hung out talking to an older lady that was coworkers with the girl the whole night…and talking about immature this girl was.
He told me if I felt like I needed to contact her to see what really happened then I could…which I told him I wouldn’t. He also swore on my life and his grandmother’s that he never cheated on me. He said if we had not been in the position we were in back then, he would’ve brought me with him.
He spent most of the weekend going through old email addresses and deleting stuff…he’s down to only 8,000 emails now…which should tell you how long he’s been holding this stuff.
He is going to tackle the multiple hard drives of photos…I say multiple b/c he was so afraid of losing past info that he’s made several copies. Anytime we’ve tried to delete stuff, we plug in another hard drive and it’s there. He also admitted to me that he has another hard drive at his mom’s place back in the states with ALL that old stuff. He’s going to have her send it and then wipe it clean.
When we first started deleting photos of both our exes, I told him he could keep the g-rated ones of his first gf b/c she wasn’t crazy like the others according to him. He said he told me he wanted them all gone (b/c of his “secret”) but he just couldn’t tell me at the time. So I let him keep those…he now wants them all gone.
I told him it upset me to “learn” this new info since I recently told him I could see his ex and I possibly being friends one day…and if she had ever emailed him or friended him on FB (she doesn’t have an account though) I would have NEVER had an issue with it BUT now…no way in hell.
We’ve shared all our passwords but I told him I don’t need to look anymore. He’s never given me reason to doubt him since being married but I had a “gut feeling” he wasn’t being honest. Which he completely understands.
All is good and we’re taking it one day at a time. Funny though, he got a notification last night about his 15th HS class reunion coming up next year and I asked if he wanted to go and then immediately said “whoa, didn’t your ex graduate with you?” Yep, she did so we definitely aren’t going…it’s an international flight for us anyways and she’s the only one of his old friends that graduated that same year so she’d be the only one he knows.
Two weeks ago, I would’ve told him we should go and I’d love to meet her….like I said, now it’s just not gonna happen.