- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
****** WARNING: graphic********
its 1:30 and I just got he from the ER… I got there at 5…loonng night.
I wish I had good news, but unfortunately I lost the baby. While sitting in triage, after getting more blood done…the cramps I was experiencing got so bad that the only way to describe them was nauseating pain. When I finally got called back I was hooked up to a Bridal Party cuff and heart monitor. At this point each cramp was bringing me to tears, just wanting it to be over. I have NEVER felt pain like this before. Ever. Time I would cramp up Darling Husband saw my heart rate sky rocket… Going from 80 to 113 with each cramp. The doctor came in and told me that the blood that they drew was lower then what I had done last Thursday. So in 4 days my HCG went from 5600 to 4200. And he didn’t say about the progesterone…
I knew what was happening, and that it was not looking good. I had to go pee(or so I thought) so the nurse unhooked me and sent me out, also telling me to get a urine sample. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS GRAPHIC! As soon as I sat down on the toilet I felt this gush and pressure, and then this mass passed. It wasn’t a small clot, to be honest it was probably the size of a new born kitten. I finally tried to pee in the cup but i couldn’t pee, I didn’t have to. All I collected in the sample was more clots, grayish beige color… And just so much blood. When I passes that “mass” I knew that there was 0% hope.
The Dr still wanted me go get the US done, and all honestly Darling Husband and I both knew it was pointless. So I was put on an IV, had more blood drawn to check my RH factor and had to drink water while getting a saline drip to fill my bladder up quicker. after what seemed like forever I had the US done, abdominal first. And there was nothing on the screen… Even though dh and I knew there wouldn’t be, it was still heart shattering. Then the did a vaginal US and Darling Husband saw on the screen when I actually was having a cramp… He said he saw it flicker.
Finally after the US the doctor came in and told us there was no baby. That I passes it when I went to the bathroom the one time…and Darling Husband and I knew that from the get go. …
Both Darling Husband and I are both just so numb but yet heart broken. I knew from the first BFP that it was too good to be true, and doubted everything the entire time… So maybe my doubt is what causes this. It’s so easy to say that it’s for the best or it was gods will… Bc honestly, why dis I even get that few seconds of excitement for starting a family if it’s just gonn get torn out of me.
At this very moment, I don’t think I want to ever try again. i can’t handle pain like that again- physically, mentally, and emotionally….