(Closed) UPDATE – Male fertility issues – ready to walk away from this marriage

posted 8 years ago in TTC
Post # 77
Member
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@picturemeurs:  +1

OP, I’m so sorry you are going through this. DH and I have been suffering for 2+ yrs with infertility and as much as it hurts, I couldn’t imagine the hurt you are going through right now. *hugs*

Post # 78
Member
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@HopefulForLittleOne:  Oh thanks for letting me know, I didn’t see that.

In that case, since he isn’t willing to work things out, I think you’re making the right decision for yourself and surely the decision I would make under the circumstances since I would not want to compromise on having (or at lesat doing everything we could to try to have) kids.

 

Post # 79
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jaylinjo:  Good for you, OP. I’m proud of you for making this incredibly tough decision not to bow to this selfish man’s wishes yet again. He knew from the get-go that you wanted to be a mother no matter what or how, he married you anyway, and now that he’s found out that he is the problem, he thinks you should just accept things as they are. He’s wrong – marriage is compromise from BOTH parties, not just you compromising while he gets his way.

He may come around, but I would not even consider going back to him unless he is willing to go to counseling and own up for lashing out at you and basically telling you “my way or the highway”.

Post # 80
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MrsPanda99: +1.

OP, you’re a very strong person for making a very difficult decision. Like others, I would suggest taking some time before making the divorce final. It’s a hard thing to hear that you can’t give your loved ones what they want, and he may be sincerely struggling with that.

Post # 81
Member
6317 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Heidibrooke:  No kidding.

Ugh this upsets me. I am trying not to be all judgemental but I feel so bad for the guy.

Unless my marriage really sucked, if the choice came down to possibly having a kid or staying with the guy I made vows to, it would be an easy choice. My husband every time.

Post # 82
Member
3007 posts
Sugar bee

I am not really in a position to judge or give advice to you or your husband.

 

I don’t like the idea of you sitting with the suitcase waiting to leave the house and feeling misled.

 

I don’t like the idea of him crying inconsolably in a way that you have never seen him do before. 

 

You guys have got to talk.  And not just about how and whether to have children but your hopes and fears for the future. 

 

It seems to me that he is just about as upset as you are.  What he has said and done is wrong.  You certainly have waited patiently for a very very long time.  What he certainly has done is verbally close doors and has put you in a position where you feel you have to choose between staying with him and risking being childless or moving on and perhaps having children.  Maybe what he needs to know is that you love him and want to stay with him even at the risk of being childless. Maybe loss of you is what he fears the most.

 

You have to be certain that this is not the case before deciding on divorce.  I think that you need to keep communication channel open for a little longer before calling it a day.

 

I wish you good luck. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 85
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@jaylinjo:  thank you for updaying again. I’m so sorry you are going through all of this. I am just hoping hoping hoping that it all works out for the best, either together or separated. I think you are definitely doing the best thing for you right now and the best thing for your situation. I am really hoping he comes around to counselling because perhaps he can understand you better and also inderstamd his fears and opposition to the more intensive procedures. 

Take care of yourself  We are all here for you too if you need some cyber support! 

Post # 86
Member
3007 posts
Sugar bee

I think that you are right to want time to consider everything.  

Good luck.

Post # 87
Member
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@jaylinjo:  Being on the same page about kids and potential infertility issues is a must. My ex husband told me all the things I wanted to hear about having kids while dating but after being married for a few years he told me he changed his mind and didn’t want any kids at all. I was young and not ready to have them yet so I agreed to wait it out another year to determine if I was okay never having kids. I wasn’t and divorcing him was the smartest decision I ever made. My current husband absolutely wants kids and we even have our agreed TTC plan in place. 

P.S. I realized how badly I wanted kids when I made a personal plan to get IUI on my own to be a single mom if I wasn’t remarried and TTC by 35.

Post # 88
Member
2563 posts
Sugar bee

@jaylinjo:  I am so sorry for what you are going through. This can’t be an easy situation and I am sure you have put a lot of thought in your decision and factored in things that none of us could understand about your marriage.

My only thought is, do you think he was just maybe so upset and eventually after things calmed down he may be open to adoption or sperm donor?

I know that is a big thing to say that you would never love a child who doesn’t share your genetics, but I just cant help but think all these things were said out of anger and depression.

Part of me really hopes he will come around and you guys can work things out.

The other part of me wishes you will on your new adventure and opportunities that await you. Good luck and big hugs!

Post # 89
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@MrsPanda99:  

View original reply
@canarydiamond:  That’s great that you have made that decision for you and your relationship. But to some people that is not their priiority. If you were someone that wanted kids and felt your life was not complete without having a child (biological or adopted) staying with a partner who was unwilling to do those things wouldn’t be unfair to either person. Different relationships, different priorities and neither is wrong.

Post # 91
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ieatunicorns:  +10000

 

How did this even turn into a discussion about what other people would do when OP never posed a question asking what other people would do in this situation?  Nobody knows exactly what they would do until they find themselves caught up in something similar.  

The topic ‘UPDATE – Male fertility issues – ready to walk away from this marriage’ is closed to new replies.

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