(Closed) UPDATE – Male fertility issues – ready to walk away from this marriage

posted 8 years ago in TTC
Post # 92
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@ieatunicorns:  …right. That’s why I said exactly that (about 8 times). You should read what people say before you criticize it. I said, that’s great for the OP and it sounds like she made the best decision for her. It wouldn’t work for me and I am speaking for ME.

Post # 93
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@MrsStayPuft:  No, she didn’t specifically ask what others would do but it’s a discussion forum. If people aren’t open to discussion and opinions, they should talk to themselves so that they always have agreement and validation. On the internet, people can state their opinions freely and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. In fact, I think it’s the whole point of communities like this one. I don’t think it makes sense for only people who agree to reply on threads. What fun is life if everyone says the same things?

Post # 94
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@MrsPanda99:  Trust me I read every comment and +1 you wrote. I think we all got your opinion pages ago. I am not sure why you think you need to beat a dead horse, it sure does make the world a better place.

Post # 95
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

@jaylinjo:  It was discussed, and you aren’t respecting his decision. He gets a say too, whatever his reasons. In sickness and in health. I sure hope you don’t get married again, because you clearly have no sense of committment to wedding vows. It takes a certain kind of person to walk out on their marriage simply because they aren’t getting their way. Hopefully the next man that comes your way sees it coming, and runs! Wow. How selfish.

Post # 96
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MrsPanda99:  You’re right, it’s a discussion board and you’re entitled to post whatever you want.  I am personally not in favor of kicking another emotionally hurt person when they’re down but I certainly understand that you and other posters are well within your rights to do so.

Post # 97
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

Also, did you consider how selfish and horrible it is to post his detailed personal medical information about his sperm on the internet? It isn’t just something he would want anyone to know I’m sure. I’d bet he’d feel great about you doing that.

Post # 98
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@ieatunicorns:  If you got it, then why did you tag me asking about it? If I made it clear I was speaking for myself, why would you make it sound like I was telling the OP what to do? Regardless, agree to disagree.

View original reply
@MrsStayPuft:  Actually, the OP sounds very strong and content. She doesn’t sound emotionally damaged at all. She sounds like she has everything together and made the best decision for herself. She sounds, if anything, at peace. She also put the decision out on a public message board and people started a conversation about it. That’s fairly normal and I fail to see the problem with any of it.  

I am checking out of this thread now. I am no longer interested in having this circular conversation. I hope everyone has a nice night.

Post # 99
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@iloverocks:  So you have literally no deal breakers? What if your husband decided he didn’t want to be monogamous anymore? What if he decided he didnt want to work anymore? And his idea of “discussion” was basically just telling you “yeah I’m gonna bang other ladies/quit my job and lie on the couch all day while you work to pay the bills”? You are really 100% cool with that? 

Post # 100
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@iloverocks:  I feel you’re being way too harsh on her. She didn’t just walk out on the marriage, but the husband’s behavior did warrant some type of response on her part.

Leaving for a few days is a GOOD thing…it shows him that he can’t just act or treat her however he wants. That’s not the same as completely just walking away from the marriage on a whim. She sounds like she just couldn’t take his behavior any more. No one shoudl subject themselves to poor treatment.

Post # 101
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Part of the reason I love the ttc board is because it’s such a supportive place for women to come and talk to each other about something very personal that can be very difficult. OP came here with an update for something very personal and traumatizing that she is going through and I think that unless you have been in her exact situation, it’s totally inappropriate to come on this thread and make such holier-than-thou comments. 

@jaylinjo: Thank you for your most recent update. You don’t have to defend your decision to anyone here. I am keeping you in my prayers that your DH will decide to meet you in the middle and go to counseling at the very least. *hugs*

Post # 103
Member
6458 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@iloverocks:  At first I was sort of thinking the same as you…but when I read more about her situation, I understood more that her decision is not based in one single thing, but many things over a loooong period of time.  He first tried to blame their inability to conceive on her, and then didn’t get his sperm checked for an entire year after they were told it might be him.  That seems like enough time to come to terms with the idea!  The fact that he will not even discuss other ways in which to have children is ridiculous.  If this is the only “issue” in their relationship, then they may be able to work it out…but it’s a huge issue.  

Post # 104
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@canarydiamond:  This post really scared me. My Fiance and I are CFBC, but have discussed that if in the future one of us has a change of heart, the decision is final. Unless we both want to move forward, it would not be fair for me or him. 

 

Things like this. I would hate for him to leave me in the future if he all of a sudden wanted kids. What if we tried to conceive and I couldn’t, but he was insisting on IVF ect. I don’t believe in playing God either…

Post # 105
Member
7550 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon:  This post scared me too. Guess vows mean less and less these days. Just goes to show issues like infertility, adoption, etc should be talked about before getting married, so you don’t waste each other’s time.

However the OP’s husband’s refusal to even talk about it, and unwillingness to talk to a counsellor makes the leaving justifiable. If it was just about the fertility thing then it would be ridiculous.

Best of luck OP, I hope you find someone who you can have children with and are able to fully commit to for life.

The topic ‘UPDATE – Male fertility issues – ready to walk away from this marriage’ is closed to new replies.

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