Post # 1
I had a meeting with my MOH and bridesmaids (actually just a dinner date) and I brought up te dresses. all my BM agreed on getting their dresses at a wedding shops where I’m getting my dress. A beautiful long chiffon one shoulder dress. Buuuuut my MOH got mad and said that she can’t afford to pay for the dress which is (150). so I offered to pay for it. she said no she doesn’t want a handout and that she wants to wear one of the dresses she picked. Honestly it was a yelling match. in the end she said “fine. Don’t include me in your wedding, ill have something better to do that day anyway”. My wedding is in December and I know it’s a little too early to be stressing over BM dresses.. But the sooner it’s dealt with the less i have to worry about. doI replace my MOH or should I let her cool off?
Post # 3
@2beemrs: I’d replace her. She was disrespectful and you don’t need the drama. It almost sounds as if she wanted an out.
Post # 4
I dont see why she freaked. You offered to pay for it. Not all cultures make the maids pay for their own dresses. If this is what you want and your willing to pay for it it should be a non-issue. Let her chill but stick to your guns. Bring it up again and if she reacts the same way replace her.
Post # 5
Let her cool off. Maybe she felt unconfortable admitign that she cant afford it in front of everyone so she got defensive….
Id give her some time and then talk to her one on one, tell her yu really want her to be a part of your day(if you do) and apologise for the making her uncomfortable at the dinner. Yes she needs to a apologise for her behavior but i have a feeling probably stemmed from what i fist stated and Im guessing that was your intention…
If she really doesnt want to be in the party aloow her to back out gracefully, assuming you would still like her to be a part of your day as a guest at the very least
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
She’s your MOH & obviously someone important to you! She was probably embarrassed that she couldn’t afford it & more so for you to offer to have you pay for it in front of everyone. Let her cool off & talk to her privately about why she exploded & how you, as a great friend, can help her work through it. Replacing her would likely ruin your relationship & make your “new” MOH feel like second best, imo.
Post # 7
Sorry for the spelling, im on my phone
Post # 8
I would give her a week or two to cool off and then talk with her again. Reiterate that this dress you chose is the dress everyone will be wearing and that you truly do not mind paying for it. Tell her that she does not have to consider it a “hand out,” and that she is welcome to “pay if forward” some day in a way of her choosing to help someone else or that she can do something for you in the future (such as offering to babysit for your future children, if you hope to have some) or in some other manner. Tell her how much you would love to have her there, and then let her make the choice.
She then must decide if she’s willing to wear the dress you chose (at no cost to her for the dress) or if she is willing to opt out of being in your wedding. There is NO option of her choosing to pick her own dress for your wedding.
Post # 9
Give her time to cool off THEN if she is still a handful, considering replacing her.
Post # 10
@2beemrs: She acted pretty childish, but I think a lot of it was embarrassment on her part for not being able to afford the dress, so I can kind of understand (although she could have done this with more tact). Plus…it’s just a dress.
I would give her some time since you have some to spare with a December wedding and see if she comes around. If she doesn’t come around by late Spring, or whenever the deadline for dresses is then replace her. It’s her loss because this shouldn’t be a big deal.
Post # 11
Being a MOH is stressful. You want your best friend’s wedding to be perfect, but your duties require a lot of money. Take some time for both of you to cool off. You never know what else happened in her day or other stresses currently in life. Even if you are a best friend, money issues are often kept under wraps. Best luck! Bridesmaid dresses aren’t worth loosing a friendship over!
Post # 12
I think you’re giving up on her too early… I mean you chose her for your MOH, isn’t you friendship worth anything? Let her cool off, then have a talk in private about it. Maybe she didn’t want to “Accept a handout”in front of everyone. There are many options.. halfing it, a percentage, paying for it all and not getting her a gift, etc. Or a combo birthday/christmas/etc gift…