Post # 17
I would be FURIOUS with my Fiance if he treated me the way yours is treating you! WTF??? Letting you sleep in YOUR CAR?? Does he realize how effing dangerous that is?
I don’t get why you’re so worried about leaning on this man when he’s going to be your husband! You should be able to depend on him and now you’re officially 12 days past the time he said you’d be in an apartment. This is CRAP.
I would not marry someone like that.
Post # 18
I would not marry someone who isn’t concerned that I was sleeping motels and/or cars. That’s insane! I think you should re-evaluate moving in with this man and having a future with him.
Post # 19
I don’t mean to dip in, but it sounds like OP’s Fiance is doing the best he can to help her. He lives with his parents and can’t just say OP is going to stay here whether you like it or not. It doesn’t sound like either of them can afford a nice hotel for OP either which isn’t really her FI’s fault as it sounds like he’s the one saving up and paying for this apartment and probably doesn’t have much/any spare money beside that.
If he’s calling and checking with the manager of the apartment I think he’s doing the best he can. With poor/bad credit and I’m assuming not a lot of income between the two of you it would be hard to find a place.
The only thing that would worry me is that things may have fallen through and he just isn’t telling you because of your state of mind.
Post # 20
thank you for understanding. My Fiance is doing everything he can. He’s working more hours and doing stuff on the side to make more money. He also takes care of his terminally ill father, 75 year old mother and his sister who is over weight with cerebral palsy. He has a lot on his plate. We both have bad credit which is the hardest to get approved for a place. The deposit is so high that we did borrow money for the deposit. But the lady hasn’t called us back. Once we are in I know we can manage. It’s was just coming up with all that money at once. And not to mention we won’t have any furniture to start off with. But like @carebee:
said, I think something is not right and probably doesn’t want to tell me because of my mental state I’m in. He’s trying to make me feel at ease as possible, but I just need the truth. He not a jerk at all and is actually having physcial health problems himself because if stress but tries to hide it from me. And that makes me feel so very guilty. I started a clothing line and Will be working a second job at an independent clothing store. But first I need to not be homeless. And be settled somewheRe.
Post # 21
Again I suggest looking at Craigslist for your area. Many sublets or shared rooms don’t require a deposit. Maybe right now is not the best time for y’all to be living together?
Did you sign any sort of contract or agreement with the woman before you handed over $200?
Post # 22
just wanted to add that while people like to think the truth is in the middle, sometimes that’s not accurate and it isn’t helpful when someone is being abused or dealing with the mentally ill, as OPs mother seems to be.
OP I know your mom wants you to lie to your dad to protect her, but i think it’s high time you tell your father the danger you are in. this is not wht he is paying for.
Also, you need to get in the same page with Fiance. I know you feel like its not your money, but if he loves and cherishes you, he wants to protect you. This is not just your problem.
I am so sorry you’re going through this.
Post # 23
I was in a (somewhat) similar situation so I can relate. I was also homeless after our apartment flooded during Sandy and needed to find a place ASAP. My SO was homeless too, as we lived together. However, despite this, he was NOT very good about helping me find or follow up with an apartment. Honestly, he is the bread winner and makes A LOT more money than me, so we were basically looking to spend HIS money on our new place. I was a law student and had nothing budgeted for a major move and all new furniture. I felt super awkward about spending what I considered to be his money.
In the end, I ended up contacting all the brokers and dealing with redecorating the apartment (most of our furniture was ruined and we lacked essentials). I was essentially spending his money, but he appreciated my assitance. He just isn’t good at dealing with that kind of stuff. He didn’t feel like I was spending his money, he felt like I was saving him from a horrible chore. Plus, he hates the phone and would never follow up with realators. I ended up picking out all new furniture with his money at his request, and he actually appreicated it. (He would literally come up to me and say, I can’t stand not having a dining table, can you pick one out?) It just wasn’t his cup tea, and I kind of enjoyed dealing with the realators and shopping.
Don’t feel too bad because you are spending his money. You and your Fiance are looking to spend the rest of your lives together, and part of that is sometimes sharing money. You guys are a team and its all about giving and taking emotionally, physically and, sometimes, financially. Don’t be afraid to take control of the situation. Your homelss for god’s sake! I know how horrible that feeling is.
Post # 24
why dont you, your Fiance, Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law talk about you staying in their house? with the 4 of yyou present, so you will all get to an agreement. the 4 of you have to be present so no one blames it on another person.
I would not let my FDIL live in her car, much less if her mother was being abusive a total c*nt (no offense).
Edit: also, im just wondering, if your mom wanted his bf to stay in her house, why didnt he stay in her bedroom? .-. just askin’
Post # 25
@echolove: It really concerns me that your Fiance is not really caring about your welfare. He says hes on top of this apartment… but hes clearly not… HE should be doing EVERYTHING in his power to make sure you have a place to stay especially since there was an apartment in the mix.
I have read the last couple posts about this.. and i read that your dad is in the picture but renting a room from his brother(?) who lives with your grandparents.. do they have ANY room for you to crash until this gets sorted out? What about friends?
Post # 26
You’re in Los Angeles, right? What area? (or PM me) – when we were trying to get my SIL to move out of our apartment, we looked a lot on craigslist and there are places to stay that are kind of like hostels, that have several bunk beds in each room, but they seem clean. It would at least be a real bed, and they’re a cheap temporary solution.
Post # 27
My mom and I shared a room.
The reason I lived with my mom was because I left my abusive bf of 8 yrs. I didn’t live with my mom for about 6 yrs, since I was 18. Since I’ve been there, this is the longest I have lived with my mom, since my dad and her divorced. I never had a good relationship with her. We got along better when I lived on my own. It’s a two bdrm apt and I use to sleep in the living room, my Lil brother always had his own room, since he still lived with my mom and my mom has her own room. My other brother moved back in as well. so. Then my mom and I started sharing the room and my other brother sleeps in the living room. Since then I went back to school, cut my hours in half because I worked 12 hours a day for 5 days and even when I wasn’t living with my mom, I still gave her rent money to help her, for 6 years! Which I still did after coming back.
That is why I’m not so stable financially.
*Update* So Fiance found me a studio. I can move in on Monday. Hopefully. For tonight I’m staying at his parent’s. the rest of the week he’s paying for me, us, to stay at a motel. Which is actually really nice because its by Disneyland and we have season passes, so we’re always there anyways. Lol. Thank you everyone who just listened to my story and for your kind words. I will update Monday to see if the studio apt went thRu.
Post # 28
Ahhh I’m so glad to hear your update. Keep us posted! *hugs*
Post # 29
that’s a great update, I love Disneyland too, will be there in two weeks! It will be good for you to have your own place again 🙂
Post # 30
@echolove: I’m on my phone and its hard to read all the posts so I’m sorry if you’ve been asked this before but why doesn’t you mums bf sleep in her room with her?? I hope you and your Fiance can get into you’re new house soon!!
Post # 31
@echolove: why isn’t your mum’s boyfriend sleeping in HER bed? This seems extremely strange.