(Closed) *Update* Mom kicking me out of my room so her bf can spend the night

• echolove
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: May 2013

I don’t mean to come on this board and have pity for myself or from others. I don’t have many friends and they live their own happily married with children lives. And the other friends I did have were cheaters, miserable, unhappy in their own marriage people and when I met my Fiance, they were just very negative and tried to bring me down with them. So I don’t have many true friends. My friends I talk to know my situation, know my mom and its the same story. They know my life and they don’t want to hear my story because at the end of the day, they go back home and don’t have to worry about me. Writing on the bees board just gives me a chance to vent, release my frustration and gives me a chance to hear other people’s point of views who don’t know me and give me their honest opinion. 

Im sorry if some of you get frustrated with me thinking I’m relying on everyone and not doing enough for myself. The truth is I’m tired. Everyone comes to a breaking point on life and unfortunately I come to mine. I’m giving up to a point. Yes, I could’ve made better choices in life, but nothing is perfect. 

A little back story if you care, to maybe know me a little better. I played softball since I was 4, all 4 yrs of HS and some college. Had honor classes in HS and graduated with 3.5 gpa. Went to a community college to stay home and help my mom. I then left at 18 to travel with Disney on ice for a year, on my own, travelEd across country and was very nieve in life. I’m constantly being told I’m too nice. I’m sorry that I give people the benefit of the doubt and I’m too caring for their own good. I try to look on the bright side of things and I know I’m too nice. That’s just me. 

Met my BF at 19. Moved in a year later. A year after that he started becoming controlling, aggressive. During my 8 yrs he was cheating, controlling (how to dress, what to eat, no tv, only certain shows, who I can talk to, no shorts around his family, tight clothes…) Then he was sexually, verbally, mentally abusive for the next 6 yrs. Yes! My fault for staying! However, everyone is different and I believed him when he cried and said, “It’ll never happened again.” He was my first real relationship, my first love and my dad and mom didn’t have the best relationship, so I took it as being slightly normal and it was just me causing him to react this way. My mom is crazy and he would say I’m just like her which made me believe maybe I am being like her. Even though we are the opposite! Which justified his actions. 

During this time I was working 7 days a week, then 5 days and still going to school. At this point I was well off, making good money and could’ve afford my own place with no problem. My mistake again, BF started accusing me of messing around at school and even having a thing with my professor. I stopped going to school. Working 12 hour shifts, 5 days a week. Keep in mind, I’ve always had problems with my mom. I was going from one crazy person to the next. Fast forward, I left my BF for the last time and moved in with my mom. And to mention that I never stopped giving her money for rent when I wasn’t living there. I always worked more to help everyone else out, another reason why I would stop school. 

At this point I’m depressed, trust issues, scared, traumatized of my ex. He was still stalking me, harassing me, my family and friends. I always told him when I was with him, one of us is going to end up dead. Either I’m going to get tired of your shit and kill you in self defense or snap or you’ll just snap and kill me. Obviously I didn’t want to live that life anymore. 

So I cut my hours in half, went back to school, not making much money, but I have my life back.  A couple of years later and here I am. I am grooming dogs on the side to make as much money as I can to help Fiance out for our place, I’m getting a second job, but that still takes time to get a steady income and I’m honestly happy in my life right now to be away from my mom, and out of my old life, but not being homeless. Lol. I’m just too nice, too honestly and caring of a person and people take advantage of that, even my mom. I canceled her car insurance, which I paid, moved out, no more rent money for her and trying to “get my act together.” Like I said, I could’ve made better choices and I’m not piting myself or blaming anyone else. I believe I’m a strong person to still be standing. 

 So sorry for my novel. Lol. But thank you so much for listening and letting me release some stress on hear just by telling my story. I just need an ear for listening. That’s all 🙂