- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2019
Just thought I’d update you on the situation. I said to my Fiance that it is ok for him to hang out with girls, our mutual friend especially, alone. That I wanted to rebuild the trust, and wanted to give him chances to show me that I can trust him. He insisted he didn’t want to, that he only wanted to hang out with guys, etc. I really appreciated that, but it doesn’t help the trust issue, I need to learn that I can trust him to be alone with a woman, who isn’t me, without doing anything to betray me or our relationship.
So, I showed him the threads, he read them all. I explained that for the trust to be rebuilt I need to face situations that worry me, and get through them so I know I can trust him. So he said yeah he would appreciate me letting him hang out with my bestie alone without freaking out, although he still prefers guy time. And that he would prefer to make new guy friends as opposed to female friends. (My bestie and I are the only close female friends he has, although he is friends with one of my other friends too, but not as much)
After me saying that it is ok for him to find my female friends attractive, that I know I have some very attractive friends, he agreed that some were. And he said again that he thought I was the most attractive.
As per the therapist issue, I went to my doctor this morning to talk to him about my depression, he gave me a prescription for anti-depressants, and said he would contact the psychiatrist my aunt went to, who is excellent, about making an urgent appointment. I got in VERY quickly (my appointment with the psychiatrist was less than an hour after I finished at the doctor’s!)
The psychiatrist was really great, listened to me, made me feel like my feelings were valid. I told him about the best friend and Fiance sleeping in the same bed issue, he said it was understandable that I was upset about that, that it was wrong of them to do that. I also mentioned that since then I haven’t been able to let my Fiance hang out with other girls alone, without throwing a fit. I was talking so much about everything that that issue didn’t get addressed in any specific detail, but in future sessions I hope we will. It was the first session so basically a lifetime of feelings came out in 50 minutes, no time to address specific incidences in great detail.
He said I have extremely severe depression, more severe than I may even feel (and I felt it was very severe – thinking about suicide nearly every day, coming close several times, etc) I believe I have had it off and on for several years, he said when my mum came in at the end, that people with depression try to hide it or fix it themselves, when they can’t hide it anymore (now for me I can’t hide it anymore) is when it is really desperately serious.
Thank you everyone for the advice and support, I want to get better, as well as working on the issues with my Fiance, I certainly have not been treating him as I should, and I hope the psychiatrist can help me with some of those issues, and see if we can get relationship counselling too.