Post # 1
And guess what?! Now she isnt even going to attend. Why? Dont ask me I have no idea whatsoever. She keeps telling my brother that there is drama so she wont look guilty about not being in my wedding nor coming. Her son which is my nephew was suppose to be my ring boy, I asked him a while back when I first started planning and of course he said ‘yes’. I am his favorite aunt and have always been the best to him. Since me and my sister havent talked in months, I had to call him to get his measurements for his tux, he told me he would get fitted at the mall over the weekend and let me know. He was very excited to be a part of my day. Anyways, my mother called my sister to tell her to make sure she allows my nephew to be in my wedding even though we arent on good terms. She started freaking out to my mother, telling her my nephew never even wants to be in my wedding. He is 12 years old and has no reason NOT to! She is making shit up and she’s fake and im so sick of it!!! she is causing this big dramatic argument via email (she loves to handle things over email because she cant handle face to face) saying to me that her and her wonderful husband and son WILL NOT be attending my disgusting day! Can you believe that! Because I cannot, I cant believe just a few months ago I was in her wedding and helped planned her shower and bachelorette night for her and she is going to pull this crap on me and now pull my nephew out of my wedding. Im so upset but trying to stay focused on my wedding, its in 3 months and it just seems like she is just trying her best to make me miserable! And she knows her not coming to my wedding will make me sad and she doesnt even give a crap
Post # 3
I am sorry that your sister is being so hurtful. I hope that your mother can at least get your nephew to be allowed to go since he is obviously old enough to make up his mind about that.
Post # 4
God..I am so sorry!!!
I just want to give you a big hug! I really know what it’s like to have everything falling apart like this. I didn’t have a sister….but I had a man who raised me…who was my stepdad from age 4-17. We have stayed in loose touch. But I always took for granted that he was my stepdad and would always love me When I contacted him about coming to the wedding he replied that he had been igring all my presvious emails because “He has a new life and no desire to be in contact with me”
I was so devestated. Over a year later…I honestly can’t even really think or talk about it much. It’s too painful
I don’t have any words of advice….life and the people in it can sometimes be terribly cruel. What is happening with your sister is aweful. I am so sorry!
One thing though…you may have to let the nephew thing goes. He is her son. It may be wrong and unfair…but he is her son so she does have the right (even if it’s wrong) to say that her son isn’t coming. I know he is your nephew. But he is her son 1st and formost. It sucks and I think it so petty of her…..but I also think that she has every right to do what she wants with her child in this regard.
With that being said….maybe it’s best to end the fight? Meaning…maybe you can just drop the idea of any involvement with any of them interms of your wedding. Can you just cut them off right now and ignore them so that you can have your happy time without people making your so sad.
Post # 5
Thanks Sprag! I can definately push them away from me now and cut all contact with them so I can focus and be happy. Im tired of giving so much to everyone, especially my family and then being turned on. It isnt fair, I have to understand that not everyone is the same, everyone is different. It is what it is but I just feel its very wrong to take my nephew out of the wedding. I mean, if it was me doing that with my daughter I would never hear the end of it. I am so glad I am experiencing this right now in my life, now I can choose who I can live with and live without
Post # 6
I agree with spraguebride about ending the fight, moving on, and coming to terms with the fact that neither will likely be a part of the wedding. The day might not be easier and maybe not better (she could show up and cause a scene all day, you know, that would be worse), but perhaps it will give you time to focus on the things you can control.
I also have sisters and neither have acted the way I treated them during their engagement/wedding. Like you I feel like I give and give and get nothing in return. If you been so fortunate to not have this occur in your family, I think it is very difficult to understand what it is like to be in this situation. I’m working on coming to peace with the fact that I nothing I say or do will change them and its time to better focus on how I respond to this and I hope you can do the same. Take the focus off the “if it were me doing this” because you wouldn’t be in those shoes. I wish you much luck in finding peace and moving forward.
Post # 7
I’m really sorry :(. I think that your sis is probably going thru something awful or maybe her husband’s controlling & won’t let her go. I don’t think that she is trying to ruin your day… it sounds like something is wrong. Maybe her husband doesn’t treat her well & won’t let her see you. Maybe she’s having other issues that she won’t admit & she’s afraid to let you close right now cause you’ll see something’s wrong? Or its possible she’s just being a jerk & idk maybe she’s not happy so she’s taking it out on you?
I’m not trying to defend her, I just want you to consider that she’s not trying to hurt you on purpose. I’m really sorry she did all that to you. Its awful what she’s doing. In my opinion, I say don’t focus on her. Your engagement should be a time to enjoy! I know she’s your sister & you were really close, but for now enjoy spending time with your other friends. Give it time with your sister, I really hope everything works out. Enjoy spending time with friends & your Fiance & his fam. I know its easier said than done, but don’t focus on the bad stuff, focus on the good. Bad things will happen, that’s life, but don’t dwell on it or it’ll just stress you out more. I wish you the best of luck with all your wedding planning :).
Post # 8
Oh my gosh, that’s so horrible! It sounds like she’s being really wicked, I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Is she uncomfortable with the fact that you’re getting the attention now? That could be a huge reason why someone would act so mean. I’d just tell her you love her, that the way she’s treating you hurts you and that you’d like her to be at the wedding and leave it at that. Don’t let her create drama and don’t let her control your feelings about the wedding. I think in the end, if she really doesn’t show, it will be something she’ll regret for the rest of her life. I think also, someone from your family may have to tell her she’s being unreasonable. I have had fights with my family but there’s nothing that could keep me from such an important event, even if I was miserable at the time!
Post # 9
Wow this is crazy. This is all SO strange, I’m sorry your sister is being so hurtful =(
Post # 10
There are 2 kinds of people in this world
People who think you have to deal with family because they are famiyl….good or bad
Then there are people like me. You can choose who you let into your life. You can choose what you allow to be in your world. If a person if toxic, family or not…I think it’s ok to cut them off
I am so sorry this is happening
Post # 11
It’s hard and there isn’t really anything that most can say, but I’ll share my story:
I have 1 sister. She and I weren’t close growing up, The day after I got engaged she asked if her son was my ring boy. I told her no because we weren’t having a ring boy. She then asked if she was my Maid/Matron of Honor. Ummm, no! So she got off the phone and told my mom that I said she wasn’t in the wedding. No, I said she wasn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor, but I wanted her to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man. She backed out about 4 months later, citing financial reasons, but bought a boat the day before backing out…and told me about the boat. Throughout my engagement she threatened not to come, but her fiance promised they’d be there. 2 days before the wedding my mom tells her I need to know if she’s coming. She says no. We only had 20 guests, and my sis lived 3 1/2 hours away, and there were other people coming from her town who she could have driven with/stayed with. It wasn’t important enough for her to be bothered…and she’s my TWIN. Oh, and when she got engaged, about 2 months before my wedding, she was complaining to me about a friend who was being selfish…I had a hard time listening to that. Now, I find a hard time talking to her…….. Ugh.
Good luck. The important people will be there for you!
Post # 12
My eyes are just filling up with tears right now, thanks so much you all for your kind words. If we werent close to begin with, it wouldnt bother me as much I dont think, but the fact that we talked on the phone every single day and were tight as can be, its just shocking to me. I really hope she can still make it to the wedding
Post # 13
Hi Tammy, I have been reading your threads and I think it’s just awful what your sister is doing to you. I know that even if you decide to cut her out of your life, it still won’t put things back to 100%.
The only thing I can say is that with time, hopefully her actions will come full circle back to her. Her son will realize it was his Mom who was being jealous and selfish and pulled him out of a joyous day. Hopefully your Mom will eventually take your side when she realizes how your sister keeps coming down on you with you doing nothing to deserve it.
Your sister likes to email, I would limit my replies to her. Either don’t respond, or just write back a sentance or two saying “I don’t understand why you are doing all of this, but I still hope you decide to come to my wedding. Love, Tammy”. Try to stay calm and remain rational while surrounded by chaos. Focus on your wedding and hope for the best with your family. Hopefully your continual short, calm rational responses will bring her back down from this frenzy she’s worked up. If she does every want to reconcile you will also be making it a lot easier for her, even if she never apologizes (which sisters never do).
Post # 14
I was just thinking about this when I was at work today and hoping itturned out better. I’m sorry she’s not being a very good sister. = ( *hugs*
Post # 15
I am so sorry your sister is being so awful. I don’t really have any advice because I am just as confused as you are! I think it might be time to just let go, accept that she’s going to continue to act this way. Maybe someday she’ll come to her senses. Just wait for her to come to you, you’ll exhaust yourself trying to figure out what her problem is!
Post # 16
wow Tammy, I’m so sorry things didn’t get better for you with your crazy sister. Is there any way you can block her email so she’ll know it? Then maybe she’ll have to call you or talk face to face if she feels the need to argue with you. At least then you can explain via phone or person how difficult she is being.
That stinks she is not allowing her son to be in your wedding. What does your mom think since your sister blew up at her?
If I were you I’d seriously block her email and not respond to anything (unless you want to) because she is seriously putting a damper on ALL your wedding plans etc. It is YOUR day and I think your sister is an attention getter who just wants you and your mom to beg her to be in/or attend your wedding. Don’t give in. It’s her loss that she won’t be there on your special day, however you and your Fiance will be surrounded by people that do care about you and that’s all you need. You don’t need a Negative Nancy attending, complaining, causing drama.
As far as your nephew, if you can call him w/out your sister knowing I would and explain how disappointed you are that he is no longer going to be in your wedding but that you love him very much and hope to see him soon. What your sister doesn’t realize is that she isn’t just hurting you, she’s hurting her own son who loves his aunt. Your sister sounds selfish and crazy IMO sorry.