- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
My now-DH’s parents were awful during our engagement and completely unreasonable- they yelled and through our invitation on the floor, cursed us and our marriage and our future children for no reason, so we were very worried about how they’d behave if they attended our wedding. Their drama also has upset my now-DH a lot in the past and I was worried he might let it ruin his time at our wedding. He has always been great and protected me and put our relationship and what we wanted for our wedding first.
The backstory is described fully in posts on this thread- http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/advice-for-fis-final-effort-with-nightmare-fmil-and-ffil-long/#axzz38D6pz3Hl and all my posts here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/invite-mean-manipulative-dramatic-future-in-laws#axzz2tz3pDw29 .
At points, I was really worried about what would happen at our wedding. Sometimes I wanted to just elope to avoid their drama. But, thanks to you bees, my friends/fam, and my now-Husband, we held out and stayed strong and had the wedding of our dreams.
2 mos before the wedding, he told his mom that she would have to apologize for cursing us/our marriage/our unborn children or take it back and that she wouldn’t be able to attend our wedding if she didn’t. She didn’t respond to that text. We stayed firm. Then 3 wks before the wedding, she sent him a long message blessing us, our marriage, wishing us, our unborn children and unborn grandchildren the best, etc.- the closest she’d ever get to apologizing for cursing us. His siblings confirmed that she would be attending our wedding.
We went to premarital counseling to figure out what strategies might work best for us to make sure we enjoyed our wedding. It was amazing at helping my then-FI realize what would bother him the most and whether he could actually emotionally handle talking to his parents at our wedding. We decided to cancel the planned family dinner the night before the wedding because it would be too small for him to avoid interacting with his mother. Instead, we just had dinner by ourselves- it was nice to catch up in between bach parties and the wedding. He also decided that he would limit interaction to greeting his parents and nothing more, so that they would not have the opportunity to upset him.
3 days before the wedding, his siblings told us that his dad would be attending the ceremony, might refuse to be in pics, and would refuse to attend the reception. We decided to stick to our guns and just not care or interact.
My now-DH’s siblings all attended and were amazing. They told him they would act as complete buffers so he would not have to worry or deal with anything with his parents & they kept their word. His friends also did a great job of making sure he stayed in a fun zone and enjoyed the wedding wknd.
After his mom had been at our welcome party for a while, I went to greet her. She had not been decent to me for over a year. She started trying to talk to me about something. I thought she was going to mention that I looked like I looked great or had lost weight because other ppl had mentioned that (and I have) and I wasn’t overweight to start with either. Instead, she started talking about how I’d gained soooo much weight. I politely responded that, nope, I definitely hadn’t, in fact I’d lost weight. and she kept insisting that I’d gained so much weight, but that she “meant no offense” and hoped I didn’t “take it the wrong way.” I quickly realized my mistake in speaking to her at all and politely excused myself to go greet other ppl. I didn’t tell my now-DH about this until days later because I didn’t want him to be upset, but I didn’t talk to her again at the welcome party or the wedding and I don’t plan to in the future really. BTW- so so glad that I’m very self confident, that I know I looked smoking hot the whole time, and that I’m definitely in shape – his mom isn’t unfortunately, so maybe she said this because of jealousy or her own unhappiness or maybe she even has some twisted hope that I gain weight in the future like she did after getting married. who cares
his mom and dad both attended the ceremony. we avoided looking at them at all and just focused on each other. the ceremony and the whole wedding was simply amazing. afterwards, friends told us that his mom looked really touched and happy and tried to nudge his dad into it, but that his dad looked upset/stank the whole ceremony.
his parents were both in family pics, but his dad insisted on wearing his bluetooth in his ear and holding on to his car keys and other junk in the pictures. so he looks silly in pics- who cares. then his dad left before the reception and his mom stayed.
my husband and I had a blast. our friends, my family/family friends, and his siblings all had an amazing time. It was also a great way to show his siblings that they can stand up to their parents, marry whom they choose however they choose to, and that the sky won’t fall and they won’t even be disowned. or, if they were disowned, maybe it’d be for the better anyway and they’d enjoy their weddings and their lives.
thanks to everybody who’s helped along the way and I hope our story can help others in similar situations