(Closed) Update. . .NOT so good news (a little long)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

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@soontobemrsmix:

Please. you sound like nice woman with a good head on her shoulders. Move on. Also this is goingt to be harsh, I know but all signs are pointing to ‘he is SO friggen cheating’.

You can do better. move on.

Post # 18
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2020

Don’t put up with it. Both my exes emotionally cheated but there’s nothing to tell me that they didn’t physically cheat too.

I found rendevous emails with one ex. Somehow the argument was turned onto me for “snooping” into his email account. I was so spineless and I had horrible self-esteem. I stayed with him for another year.

But in the end, I got better. I went to counseling for myself (because I thought it was hurting my relationship…I realize now it’s him that was hurting me all along). I stuck with him even after counseling but I began to grow. I finished school and landed good jobs. I was able to break free of it all this year. And I feel like a brand new person. All the cheating stories, the exes, the control he had, it’s all irrelevant now and it was liberating!

As some PPs said, run for the hills. It’s really for your health and well-being. Once I was free of these bad relationships, I was able to look in the mirror and truly find myself again. My Fiance has this wonderful saying, “A relationship is supposed to free you.” I believe it.

Post # 19
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@soontobemrsmix: If you truly love him, then fight for him and your relationship. Talk to him, see where he is with all of this.

 

Good Luck.

Post # 22
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Crestmore Manor

Outside pressures aside, you sound unhappy in your relationship. If you genuinly think you are no longer in love with him or are unsure that you will end up together it’s probably time for a very serious talk. A talk where you are perhaps even willing to go in with the realization that you might be leaving the relationship at the end of the conversation. It’s understandable that after 7 years with this man there is a connection that seems difficult to break. But if you are this unhappy now, it stands to reason you may be this unhappy after a wedding. So in my humble opinion, it’s definitely time to sit down and talk to your man and decide whether or not your relationship should conitnue. I’m so sorry you are going through this, I’ll be praying for you. Good luck.

Post # 24
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It’s never a waste.  I spent my entire 20s with a man that was not there for me, and could not commit to marrying me anytime soon.  I went ahead and TTC with him and was blessed with my son, but he left my son and I a week after I turned 30.  It was such a hard time for me, I always felt like I had to cover for him and never felt secure.

I spent a year and a half on my own getting myself together and grew a lot during that time.  I ended up meeting a true partner in life and we married a month ago.  If I had known what a real partnership was like, I never would have settled for the crap he put me though.

So, life is all about lessons.   You can chose to move on and learn, or you can stay and make the best of your situation.   It’s really, really hard, but life isn’t a dress rehearsal, and you’ll really feel like you wasted time if you give it another 7 years without getting what you are looking for.

Post # 25
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: <—- This. What she said. You have been engaged for 4 long years and you dont even have a date set. He is comfortable and not planning on changing anything. I think you should cut your loses and move on you are young!!

Post # 26
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It doesn’t look good to me.  I think you should cut your losses and move on with your life.  He is going to drag this along as long as YOU let him.  You’ve been engaged for 4 years.  If he wanted to marry you, it would have happened by now.  You have not wasted your time.  You have learned what not to do next time.  

Post # 27
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It sounds like you’ve made a decision but just haven’t executed.  Its time for you to move on and continue down the Yellow Brick road.

My DH and I are both in our 40s and I happen to be happy that I waited.  Yes, there were great guys prior to them but none of them like my DH.  Plus, I needed to grow.  If I would’ve married in my 20’s, I would’ve been divorced.  If I would’ve married in my early 30’s, I would have been extremely unhappy.  By the time I was 35, I was ready and it just didn’t happen.  On my 40th Bday, I met my Luv and the rest is history.  I’m telling you this because take the time to find your life partner.  You have a whole lotta living to do so don’t be hung up if he ain’t the one, he ain’t the one. 

Post # 28
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You said it. You dont love him anymore. bail.

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