(Closed) Update of BMs choosing their dresses

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

Why is it that they can’t all wear the same dress? I understand this is your vision but if they really like the dress, isn’t your friendship worth much more, especially since they will be paying for it. I let all my BMs pick the dress but they has to vote amongst  themselves. 2 of them agreed on a dress, the other skipped the appointment so she has to deal with their choice.

Post # 4
Member
45646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The key is they AGREED to this process before you even sent them the first pics!

Ignore thehystrionics and  manipulation. Everyone of those dresses can be altered after the wedding, sleeves removed, hem shortened etc and they will be left with a cute dress they can wear in the future.

Post # 5
Member
1186 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

For crying out loud, let them all wear their first choice aka “The Dress”.  This is getting out of hand. You are making this very difficult on yourself.

Post # 6
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t know…. If they all like the same dress why can’t they get the same dress? I hear it doesn’t go with your vision but it may make everything easier on you in the long run. I told my bridesmaids to pick their own dresses and I didn’t care if it was the same dress or different and everyone except the maid of honor picked the same dress. They all love their dresses and feel they can wear them again. I don’t know… I think it would be easier on you to let them get the dress they want. It seems like you’re going to be fighting a major battle with them on this.

Sorry and I hope it all gets worked out.

Post # 8
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh dear… I gave my girls the options of choosing their own style of dress and two chose the same one. Honestly, it didn’t look that bad! And it was a non-issue after I got upset for 2 seconds. 

Post # 9
Member
1186 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

When you said they all picked the same dress I thought you meant they ALL picked the same dress.  Not 3/4.  So I see your point.  Try to stay cool and hopefully it will rub off on your BMs.  Tell them that wearing one of these seventeen choices would be a favor to you.  You’d really be honored if they would stand next to you as you get married and you spent a lot of time planning dresses and decorations.  Then ask please.

Post # 10
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@BetterSherm:  If you’re not buying the dresses for them, I don’t think you can dictate what they spend their money on.  You can certainly set guidelines (colors, materials,etc.) but to dictate what they wear without paying for it is a bit over the top in my opinion.

You’re going to make more enemies than anything.  Don’t you want your BMs to be happy too?

Post # 12
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@BetterSherm:  I wouldn’t say you’re being VERY nice about this.

You’re not being completely unreasonable, that’s for sure, but you’re also being a bit of a stickler.  My point was, it might not be in your best interest to be that way, is all.

Also, just because other Brides out there have made their Bridesmaids buy ONE dress that the Bride was not paying for, doesn’t make it right.

It’s their money they’re spending and it’s their bodies they’re dressing.  I’m sorry, but just because you think you did a good job picking out what they’d like, doesn’t mean you have.  If you were buying it for them, that’s one thing.  But you’re not.

You can certainly stick to your guns, I just don’t think you should expect everyone to be okay with it. 

 

Post # 13
Member
3462 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I disagree with @csteen85:  I think it’s expected in the US that along with saying yes to being a bridesmaid, you buy the dress the bride picks as long as it’s reasonable (length so not mini if you are super shy and it’s cold out, price is acceptable, etc.)

Is this just a vent or do you want tips for dealing with BM4?  I think people are confused because you devoted a bit of time in your post to “the dress” so they don’t know where to direct their advice/energy.  Have you tried to see if there is a local option for her to try on the dresses?  I do have some sympathy for her – I feel like most of the time I buy online they never fit as expected.  Perhaps you can give her a list of places that will accept returns?  As far as not liking any options, well my MOH sister and I had some issues with that!

[While I personally would just go with the dress 3/4 liked, I also personally hate the mismatched look so you don’t want my opinions on that aspect.  🙂  ]

Post # 16
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@BetterSherm:  I understand what you’re saying and I don’t mean to be argumentative, but you’re posting about this issue as though you can’t understand why your Brdesmaids are reacting the way that they are.

I guess you expected them to be more supportive and I’m sorry they’re not, but I was just commenting on whether you were shooting yourself in the foot being so strict about their options when you weren’t gifting them the dress.

My reasoning is that I’ll be happier on my day when everyone around me is happy.  Not that you should abandon all the things you want (my bridesmaids suggested I do a lighter shade of green than I wanted, but I stayed firm on Emerald Green), but if the issue at hand is causing serious tension, you might want to reconsider for everyone’s sake.  That’s all.

 

 

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