(Closed) Update of the “Moment of Truth – Finally going to find out” Thread

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

Good luck – I’m excited to hear your moment of truth.  I feel like my guy is in the same place.  I think he would be perfectly happy to just go along with things as they are.  well, we’re moving in together in a few months.  I think he would rather just not think about.  He wants it to (in his words)  “evolve.”  I have given a timeline (sort of…it was once and in a heated moment).  It was back in July or August of last year.  I said “you’ve got one year buddy.” 

I don’t know how serious he took that and I haven’t mentioned it since.  Come summer, I will mention it again. 

 

Best of luck – I think you’ll get the answer you want.

Post # 4
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Good luck! I think it’s great that you put all your cards on the table and are able to talk about how you both feel so openly.

Post # 5
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m glad that you got SOMETHING out of him!

 

But to be honest, it kind of sounds like HE flaked out on YOU this weekend by not having a decision for you.  I don’t think that it was fair of him to ask for more time.  I know we all want to give our SOs as much time as possible to come to their decisions, but if it was me having that conversation, I would not have let him so easily off the hook.  I would have cried and said “I see.  Your indecision tells me all I need to know about how you feel about me.”.  But that’s me, the drama queen.  But to a certain point, it’s true.  I mean…if truly spent ALL week thinking about it, he probably could have come up with his answer.  Even if the only time he spent thinking about it was the time he spent by himself in the bathroom, he probably could have had an answer. 

I he comes around and you get the answer you want sooner rather than later.  If he asks for more time next week, don’t let him get away with it, okay?  That’s not fair to you.

Post # 7
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Hoping for an excellent update next time you two talk again! At least everything all is out on the table now and he know what you are wanting.

Post # 8
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What will you do if, come next weekend, he asks for another week? 

I’m sorry, but he will never have ALL the information … that’s not possible.  I’m sure that, by Wednesday, you could think of more information to offer up.  Nobody will ever have all the information they need because nobody knows the future. 

Since he was unable to give you an answer by the set time you requested, how will that bode for decisions that you will have to make as a couple? By giving him extra time, you’ve told him that putting you and your needs on hold is acceptable.   Is that how you want to be treated throughout your marriage?  Put on hold until he has all the “information”? 

Post # 9
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

omg I was SOOO nervous/anxious to open your thread!!! i was patiently waiting!!! shocking that he asked for another week…

i could relate to your situation because I, too have been giving my guy a month to think about how to progress our relationship(mainly the timeline?). He asked for this amount of time which I happily agreed on. If he came back to tell me his thinking isn’t done, i would be very upset. It’s important that he follows through!!! I couldn’t respect that the fact that he didn’t do what he said he would, especially when he involved ME in the waiting process for this something. Our “agreed upon talk” shall come this weekend too.

I will be waiting for your update!!!

Post # 10
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This is exciting that you will face this situation head on…but I would be so pissed if he asked for more time!  If my boy told me he needed an extra week to decide whether or not he wanted to be with me, he would be out on his ass!  If it’s that tough of a decision for him, I think I would walk away.

Post # 11
Member
34 posts
Newbee

Is it just me or does anyone else think it is a bad sign he asked for more time? Also that you gave it to him. I think you are scared that he might admit he’s not ready to commit, (which is completely understandable) but does that mean if that ends up being the case that you won’t follow through with what you said?

I feel so bad that you are in this situation, but don’t let him take advantage of you. If he isn’t willing to give you what you want and deserve, remember there is someone else out there for you. Do you really want to be with someone who needs time to think about if he wants to be with you forever? I wouldn’t! If it were me the second he asked for more time I would of been gone.

IMO you need to find someone who knows without a shadow of a doubt that he wants to be with you and only you, forever! I know I’m not in your shoes but I have a friend who was, so this topic really gets my blood pumping. Every girl deserves a guy who can’t wait to start forever with them, and knows without a doubt he is with the love of his life and wants to make sure no one else has a chance with her aka a ring!

Post # 12
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@krazykat12:  Agree…the only possible good reason for asking for more time is if he’s ring shopping and hasn’t found the right one yet.  period.

Post # 14
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@KS240030: I will probably be the unpopular opinion in this thread, but I do want to play devil’s advocate here. 

I read your thread to my Fiance, and he was a little uneasy about it.  At a year and a half into our relationship, he had already told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.  But, if I had told him at that point that he had to propose or else, he would have been gone. And you know, I really can’t blame him. Maybe because I can’t imagine telling him that or maybe I can’t imagine our relationship getting to the point that I felt the need for an ultimatum.  And to be completely honest, in his words, he told me that it’s situations like this that make men hesitate to propose:  the pressure, the expectation and the demands.

Maybe I don’t really understand the “waiting” aspect of things.  By the time we were engaged, we had already spent a year talking about getting married/spending our lives together and were on the same page 100% about what we wanted.

From a man’s perspective, this is a lot of pressure.  I understand standing up for yourself and telling him what you want, believe me, I do.  But after a year and a half, giving an ultimatum like that?  From what you posted, you gave him what, two days notice for this discussion?  How can you NOT expect him to need more time, especially if he works?  It’s a HUGE decision, and sometimes people are at different places and need time.

I feel like we’re missing part of the story; what sort of discussions have been happening before this to result in this situation?  Have you discussed marriage/have you talked about this before? 

In my absolute honest gut opinion, I feel like you’re being unfair to him to expect him to say that he’s ready to spend the next 50-60 years with you after giving him a few days notice to make a decision and “not turn back.” 

 

Post # 15
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@melisandescott:

Wow, true, your honest gut opinion really makes sense too.

But I beleive the OP had have discussions before. And it’s not like they are still VERY young. In a long term relationship, for any adults, it’s expected that marriage conversation come up at one point or another. So there’s no point in hiding and running away from what eventually needs to be done anyway.

The topic ‘Update of the “Moment of Truth – Finally going to find out” Thread’ is closed to new replies.

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