(Closed) update on BF’s cancer

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This is the only advice I can really think of: Kill them with kindness. Call him before you come over and then call them and tell them you are coming. If they say no then you just say, “Oh, it’s sad that I won’t be seeing you guys but Boyfriend or Best Friend says he wants me to come over and make him feel better so I’ll be over anyway to see him”. Arrive with a gift for them (like afternoon tea, or dinner or something) for the first couple of times. Just make sure that you are the perfect house guest and that they really can’t say anything bad about you unless they make it up.

Keep your son close and don’t let him wander around the house (though I’m sure you wouldn’t). 


*hugs* I really hope that the biopsy comes back with the best news possible and that his recovery is quick and as painless as possible. 

Post # 4
5147 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011


So sorry to hear about your Boyfriend or Best Friend. Some encouragement though, one of my friends had testicular cancer, as well as one of my cousins, both were successfully treated and are cancer-free! I know it’s scary, but it’s good he caught it! I hope everything goes well and he makes a speedy recovery!

Post # 5
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with Tickles. Be the bigger person. Be sweet and nice, but not in a superficial way. They love their son and they just want what is best for him. It just so happens that they don’t think you are good enough for him. That’s their loss. They should really just be happy he has someone in his life other than his parents to stick by him through this traumatizing and incredibly difficult time. Don’t let their selfishness get in the way of the real purpose: supporting your boyfriend. 

Post # 6
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am so sorry that you are going through this, but you are being strong and that will help him alot.  ((HUGS))

Post # 7
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Again, I’m so sorry to hear this. My friend’s boyfriend had cancer and had to move back home with his parents as well. She said that it was difficult because they never had any alone time — she was always hanging out with him and his family. I would suggest that maybe you try to get alone time with him, so that you feel like you guys can really be yourselves in front of each other. I think it might help maintain your relationship as well. 

Also, I second what someone above said — kill them with kindness! If you’re bringing him food, maybe bring some stuff for them too? Perhaps you could find out from your boyfriend what his family likes to eat, and make them something. I love anyone who brings me food! 🙂

Post # 8
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I will keep your Fiance, you, and your son in my prayers. The important thing is just to be there for him despite the awkward tension going on with the Future In-Laws. I can’t even imagine the level of frustration this situation is putting you through, but just concentrate on your Fiance and his recovery. Everything outside your family is secondary until you guys weather this. *Hugs*

Post # 9
1088 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, if your SO wants you and your son to be there, then I would be there.  This is about your SO; not the Future In-Laws.  I have a feeling that if their son wants the support of you and your son, and you and your son make him happy, his parents will see that. 

Hopefully the Future In-Laws will come to the realization that you genuinely care about their son and are dedicated to him.  I also hope that seeing your dedication to him will help them get over any previous negativity they had been feeling. 

You are NOT selfish for wanting to see your SO, and even less selfish if he wants you to be there with him.  I agree with the PP who said to kill them with kindness.  Regardless of what happens, be cordial, pleasant, and polite to his family because this will ultimately be a way of not increasing your SOs stress level.

I’m sorry that this is even an issue.  Just remember to keep your focus on your SO and think positively.  Don’t waste time and energy worrying about what may or may not happen with his family. 

Post # 10
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this. His family seems like they are being unreasonable.

That said, if you want to get them on side and have a good relationship going forward I think you  need to not let what they say bother you, or affect you. Kill them with kindness!

Continue to visit your boyfriend and certainly bring your son along with you! In time they will see that you love him, and that your son is great 🙂

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