Post # 1
I’m sorry for posting “My bf has testicular cancer” so many times on this board! I could never find my posts after submission so I kept re-submitting it. I’m sure I looked like a troll with 3 identical postings on the waiting board!
SO is feeling worse every day. Tuesday can’t come fast enough! They are doing his biopsy to find out what type of testicular cancer he has. It’s causing swelling in his abdomen. His parents moved him back home today from his apartment. He was supposed to move in with them on Feb 1 but decided to do it now while he still has his strength.
Back story on his parents: they met me once and decided they didnt’ like me. I haven’t been around them since last July. Now he’s living with them. My son and I were not invited to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner because my son has Autism and I have “single mom” stigma. Plus, I am 4 years older than him and they are afraid I am going to want to get married someday, and they feel that our relationship will never work out because I have a child. Whatever.
So now that he’s sick with cancer, he won’t be working for a while. Just doing his Master’s online and being at home. I want to be able to visit him almost every day while he recovers, even if it’s for 5 minutes to bring him food. I am going back to school for Nutritional Therapy so I can use my knowledge to help bring him back to health. I am already making him superfood cocktails, etc. and he wants to keep this going. He wants me and my son around to keep his spirits up.
I am terrified of how this will all go down with my FIL’s. I’m not technically invited over and my son especially isn’t. But my Boyfriend or Best Friend says as long as he’s living there, he will tell them he will be having visitors. He will tell his parents to F off if they interfere. He says that they will give in, but be fuming the whole time about me taking over their territory and nursing their baby back to health. They will just quietly fume behind my back but not say anything to my face.
The prognosis could mean several months of intense chemotherapy. Any advice on how to stay sane with these people? Can I expect my SO to “defend” me when he is busy battling cancer? Am I selfish to want to visit? I want my son to visit too, because I refuse to allow my FIL’s to dicatate what kind of relationship the 3 of us have (me, SO and my son). If SO is sick, we should have the liberty to be there for him. Argh, I hate this.
I am also beyond stressed about his condition. They say he is expected to survive, but I hate that there’s a wall between us. I want to be there for him! If I want to commit to him the rest of my life, I can’t just not support him right now.
Post # 3
This is the only advice I can really think of: Kill them with kindness. Call him before you come over and then call them and tell them you are coming. If they say no then you just say, “Oh, it’s sad that I won’t be seeing you guys but Boyfriend or Best Friend says he wants me to come over and make him feel better so I’ll be over anyway to see him”. Arrive with a gift for them (like afternoon tea, or dinner or something) for the first couple of times. Just make sure that you are the perfect house guest and that they really can’t say anything bad about you unless they make it up.
Keep your son close and don’t let him wander around the house (though I’m sure you wouldn’t).
*hugs* I really hope that the biopsy comes back with the best news possible and that his recovery is quick and as painless as possible.
Post # 4
So sorry to hear about your Boyfriend or Best Friend. Some encouragement though, one of my friends had testicular cancer, as well as one of my cousins, both were successfully treated and are cancer-free! I know it’s scary, but it’s good he caught it! I hope everything goes well and he makes a speedy recovery!
Post # 5
I agree with Tickles. Be the bigger person. Be sweet and nice, but not in a superficial way. They love their son and they just want what is best for him. It just so happens that they don’t think you are good enough for him. That’s their loss. They should really just be happy he has someone in his life other than his parents to stick by him through this traumatizing and incredibly difficult time. Don’t let their selfishness get in the way of the real purpose: supporting your boyfriend.
Post # 6
I am so sorry that you are going through this, but you are being strong and that will help him alot. ((HUGS))
Post # 7
Again, I’m so sorry to hear this. My friend’s boyfriend had cancer and had to move back home with his parents as well. She said that it was difficult because they never had any alone time — she was always hanging out with him and his family. I would suggest that maybe you try to get alone time with him, so that you feel like you guys can really be yourselves in front of each other. I think it might help maintain your relationship as well.
Also, I second what someone above said — kill them with kindness! If you’re bringing him food, maybe bring some stuff for them too? Perhaps you could find out from your boyfriend what his family likes to eat, and make them something. I love anyone who brings me food! 🙂
Post # 8
I will keep your Fiance, you, and your son in my prayers. The important thing is just to be there for him despite the awkward tension going on with the Future In-Laws. I can’t even imagine the level of frustration this situation is putting you through, but just concentrate on your Fiance and his recovery. Everything outside your family is secondary until you guys weather this. *Hugs*
Post # 9
Honestly, if your SO wants you and your son to be there, then I would be there. This is about your SO; not the Future In-Laws. I have a feeling that if their son wants the support of you and your son, and you and your son make him happy, his parents will see that.
Hopefully the Future In-Laws will come to the realization that you genuinely care about their son and are dedicated to him. I also hope that seeing your dedication to him will help them get over any previous negativity they had been feeling.
You are NOT selfish for wanting to see your SO, and even less selfish if he wants you to be there with him. I agree with the PP who said to kill them with kindness. Regardless of what happens, be cordial, pleasant, and polite to his family because this will ultimately be a way of not increasing your SOs stress level.
I’m sorry that this is even an issue. Just remember to keep your focus on your SO and think positively. Don’t waste time and energy worrying about what may or may not happen with his family.
Post # 10
I am so sorry you are going through this. His family seems like they are being unreasonable.
That said, if you want to get them on side and have a good relationship going forward I think you need to not let what they say bother you, or affect you. Kill them with kindness!
Continue to visit your boyfriend and certainly bring your son along with you! In time they will see that you love him, and that your son is great 🙂