(Closed) Update on BF's drug issues

posted 6 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m glad to hear you have good news.  I had replied to your previous post and had checked back from time to time to see if you’d updated.

That is awesome he is going to be going to an inpatient rehab center.  That’s great he told his family and that it seems like he is doing this for himself.  I’m sure getting clean for you and his family plays into it but doing it for himself will help ensure he is more commited to staying sober.  Just be advised that sometimes addicts are advised to not enter into romantic relationships during their first part of recovery.  I’m not sure how it works since you guys have been together for longer.  It seems like a lot of the focus during that first year is on getting the addict to focus on himself and to better himself.  I don’t want to be a partypooper…it was something my brother had mentioned during his recovery.  But everyone is different.

Sending lots of positive thoughts to you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend.  

 

Post # 4
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I am so glad he is coming out with the truth and wanting to get help. Those are some really serious drugs and the outcomes could have been so bad. I wish him and you the best of luck!

Post # 5
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@MrsPaulsBabyBallerina: During my sister’s recovery she was already in a long term relationship and they did a huge ordeal of counceling together, as well as on her own. Maybe if the OP decide to stay with him that would be an option.

Post # 6
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I believe there is a support group for friends and family of addicted people. You may find comaraderie in one of those programs, and also learn how to cope (it’s a process!) and not to enable. Enabling is one of those things you may not know you are doing until someone teaches you how to recognize it and over come it. This may not only help you, but help him. 

Good luck to you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend on this difficult journey. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it!

Post # 8
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

So glad to hear he’s going away!  I have a lot of hope for you guys.  Again I would urge you to look up Nar-anon or Al-anon meetings in your area (I know he wasn’t an alcoholic but you can go to either in case you don’t have any Nar-anon by you).  I think these are the support groups the PP was referring to.

Nar-anon has done a lot for me.  I knew nothing about addiction before coming in so it gave me a bit of an education on addiction as a disease and why our loved ones do what they do.  Connecting to others in my position has been so important to me.  There are other wives and girlfriends, parents, children, and brothers and sisters of addicts all in the group but we can all understand each other in a way that others can’t.  Whether we realize it or not (I didn’t at first), we become sick right along with the addict.  I first went because I thought it would show my husband that I supported him, but after a few meetings, I realized how much I needed help of my own.  The behaviors we learn when our addicts are using don’t magically go away when they get clean (same as their behaviors).  I don’t feel like I’m articulating myself very well, but Nar-anon has become so important to me and I can’t say enough good things about it.  The number one thing I get out of it, week after week, is that no matter what happens, I am going to get through it and be OK.

I also wanted to make a comment on your Boyfriend or Best Friend and the “he never”s.  Something I was told at my husband’s rehab that I repeat to myself all the time is this: There is no such thing as an “I never”, only a “not yet”.  All those terrible things surely could have happened if his addiction progressed further.  Another thing they say is “jails, institutions, or death”, meaning an addict who doesn’t get into recovery is going to eventually end up in one of those three places because of his or her disease.  I am also so grateful that my husband’s addiction didn’t take him to some of the scarier places like you mentioned.  But it easily could have, had he not gotten help when he did.  This is a progressive and fatal disease; it doesn’t get better on its own.  I think not having some of those consequences to deal with after getting clean (like probation, a lot of debt, etc) might make it slightly easier for them, but in reality the disease is in their mind and spirit and those outside things are more like a symptom of the problem.  I guess what I’m saying is that personally, I avoid minimizing how serious his addiction was because he needs as much help as anyone else (and so do I haha).

Well sorry for writing a book!  I wish you the best.  Let me know if you have any more questions!

Post # 9
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

wow. Good luck. My sister has pretty much destroyed her life with heroin and prescription pain killers. I hope your Boyfriend or Best Friend actually pulls through. *hugs*

Post # 10
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

Heroin is a scary drug!   Many people turn to heroin after they can no longer get their hands on pain pills. Chances are if he was showing physical signs (you mentioned he already looked better) that he was using heroin more than just a few times.  Most people don’t show physical effects until after they’ve used the drug for awhile and it’s taken a toll on their body. 

 

With that said, I am glad he is in a program and getting the help he needs.  Recovery is a lifelong struggle for many people.  Please take the time that you need for YOU to make sure that you can be okay withwhat is happening, too.  it is overwhelming and a lot to take in and process.  If you aren’t the best you, you can’t help him become the best he can be and overcome his addiction.

 

Best of luck to you! I am glad he is in serious treatment!

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