I just want to reiterate that this dog bit you hard enough to BREAK A BONE.
Let’s pretend that this isn’t a dog. Let’s pretend that this is your FH brother, Steve.
Steve lives with you and your FH. When FH is around, Steve is always trying to take FH’s attention away from you, he disrespects your relationship, he makes rude comments to you, and gives you mean looks. You feel super uncomfortable with him around. When FH isn’t there, Steve’s behavior turns menacing and you are afraid of him. You tell your FH that his brother makes you uncomfortable and afraid and you don’t want him to live there anymore. Your FH ignores Steve’s behavior and tells you that you just aren’t being nice enough and have to try harder. You give Steve compliments, you try to hang out with him one-on-one. It’s not working. You bake Steve a cake and he takes a few pieces so you hope things are getting better, but they aren’t. One day, Steve attacks you so violently he breaks a bone, then goes to FIL’s home to cool off. You go to the hospital, tell your FH that you don’t want to be anywhere around Steve anymore. In response, your FH tells you that Steve isn’t moving out but he will build a bedroom in the basement and Steve will stay down there when FH isn’t home to supervise.
Finally, after many fights, FH agrees that Steve shouldn’t live there anymore and instead stay at the FIL’s. You think it’s been resolved. You go out to dinner with the Future In-Laws. During dinner, Future Mother-In-Law keeps talking about how great Steve is, how he volunteers with so and so, how he is so great with neighbors, how he’s such a great guy and she can’t understand why you don’t like him when you are sitting there WITH A SPLINT BECAUSE HE ATTACKED YOU.
They invite you over to their home and you say you aren’t ready to see Steve, you don’t feel safe around him. They tell you that Steve is home but he’s just going to stay in his room. You reluctantly agree. When you get there, Steve is yelling down the hall that he doesn’t feel he should be staying in his room, this is HIS home, you are a guest, he’s pissed, this isn’t fair. Your Future In-Laws say, “well fine then come out”. Steve literally RUNS out of his room STRAIGHT at you and yells at you. You scream and are terrified and everyone tells you to relax, Steve is fine, he’s not going to hurt you, he only yelled, calm down.
If Steve disrespects your relationship and is rude to you FH should be telling him he is no longer welcome in the home. If Steve ATTACKS you FH should be throwing him out. If Steve has been violent with you in the past then FH and his family shouldn’t be downplaying that nor expecting you to just ‘get over it’. They shouldn’t treat your very real fear as hysterical. To behave otherwise is just crazytown. People make excuses because this is a dog. A dog they love and feel they also have to protect. But if you replace dog with a person I believe the danger, the gaslighting, and the abuse on all sides here is truly revealed.