Post # 1
For those of you who don’t know the back story is here :
Things have gone for horrifying and sad to frustrating and sadder.
The father of the baby is now doing this “buy me this buy me that” thing asking people to buy him presents to make him “not want to kill himself”. He has stolen a bunch of money from FI’s family to buy himself booze, video games and movies. He keeps claiming that if people don’t buy him things it means we don’t care and he should just off himself.
He is completely using this tragic horrific thing to get free video games and movies. His behavior is completely sickening. I don’t know how to deal with it.
When my brother died, my step dad took it really hard. He still does. Every parent would. But he didn’t go around asking for presents threatening to kill himself if he didn’t get them.
God this is awful and I don’t know how to feel. Anger doesn’t seem right toward a person who just lost their son, but to use THAT as an excuse to steal and beg for gifts.
How should I feel? It seems like he doesn’t care beyond what he can get out of the situation.
Post # 3
I read the previous post yesterday. Sorry, it’s a really hard situation. I think you just need to push him to get therapy. Other than that… no advice. *hugs*
Post # 4
@WestCoast: I know he wont go. No matter how hard we push he wont go but he needs it badly. What bothers me most is he isn’t even sad anymore. He just gets angry if we don’t buy him things. He doesn’t even seem sad about the baby and its only been a couple days.
Post # 5
Satan and Sin is the enemy… not him…. He’s just lost… lost in his heart, in his tradgedy, in his hurt, in his guilt. I don’t know how to tell you to love him “right”
But I will continue to pray for him and for you and your family. All involved so that this can be turned for good, can help strengthen and help those around watching in how to love in new ways and continue to encourage each other. ((hugs)) for your being at a loss and frustration
Post # 6
Is there any way he can be involuntarily committed since he is threatening to take his own life? Maybe they can do that to at least get him into therapy.
Post # 7
No there isn’t. We tried.
Post # 8
I’m not sure if he is also in Alabama. It can be hard if you aren’t living in the same place. Here at least, you can call 911 and tell them that the person is suicidal. When the ambulance arrives you would tell them that you want to do the paperwork to petition the person (that way they can’t fake well and avoid being admitted). If the doctors at the hospital feel that the person is no longer a threat to themselves/someone else, the person can be released. likewise, if they feel he is still a threat to himself they can hold the person indefinitely.
Post # 9
I feel horrible for you having to watch this. At some point people need to stop buying him things- this is manipulative behavior. If he is unwilling to get help and you can not have him commited it will be difficult to stop him from doing what he wants. My heart goes out to you.
Post # 10
@maureen9004: Thank you for being supportive. Yes it is manipulative but people will placate him non-stop just to keep him from throwing a fit. Yesterday he threw a fit because we wouldn’t pay for him to get a tattoo done. I have a friend who does them and I said if he wanted to get his son’s name or foot prints or something I could work something out. He picks this skull and flames design and I say no I’m not paying for that because it no longer was about his son. He threw a fit and pulled the “My son died you need to pay for this or I will kill myself” card. I said no. If he wanted his sons name or something I would do that for him and he just screamed “Why would I want that!?” and threw something at me and stormed out. He then went on to steal a bunch of money from FI’s family and spend it on random stuff. I just don’t know what to do about him anymore. I understand grieving but I do not understand this. Who uses their son’s death as an excuse to steal and weasel gifts out of people that they can’t afford.
Post # 11
@Corilee13: You cannot control him or his reactions, only your own. Yes he just experienced a loss, but being an asshole isn’t how you deal with it. Loss isn’t ever an excuse for threatening to call suicide, or stealing from family or any other type of terrible behaviour.
I would sit him down and tell him that you are concerned for him, and that from this day forward you will take his treats seriously, and call the police every single time he makes such a threat. Police will take action if someone is a danger to themselves or someone else. Put him on a mental health hold and have him evaluated.
Placating him isn’t the way to go. It doesn’t do anyone any good. He obviously needs help, and you guys would all benefit from counselling as well, to learn how to deal with this situation.
Post # 12
@Corilee13: it isn’t a concrete solution, but it might help to recognize that anger is almost ALWAYS a secondary emotion – meaning that it results from not dealing with other emotions properly. He is hurting, pushes his hurt down, and anger comes out as a result.
If he is threatening to hurt himself, you (or his parents) may be able to check him into a mental health facility against his will.