Post # 16
it sounds like she is used to everyone in her life bending over backwards to please her and she doesnt like him because he doesn’t do that. If she is the kind of person who likes people to kowtow to her and he won’t, that probably pisses her off.
Post # 17
yogahhh: So who told her he didn’t like her? You? She responded with something not so nice about him too,right? And so it began, and continued to go downhill.
Does she have a best friend or a sister she’s close to that you’d feel comfortable discussing this with? That might be my next step to see if there’s more to the story or a better explanation you might not even know about. Even if you’ve been so close all these years, there may be something else going on with her that may help you understand.
Ahhh…a Moher’s guilt we all have to learn how to handle. Back off and don’t give in. Let her make the first move.
Post # 18
I hate to say it, but this sounds just like my mother. Almost everything your mom said to you (except for the relationship between your Darling Husband and herself) this is exactly my mother.
The best thing for this kind of person is to let them be and let them think what they want. I almost literally LOLed when you wrote about your mom making a snide comment and then saying she was kidding- MY MOTHER. No one is allowed to be offended by what they say, but we all have to watch our mouths for fear of them going off the deep end and “going from 0-60” as my family puts it where a totally innocent comment is taken the wrong way by them.
Let her think and say what she wants because at the end of the day, any rational person in your corner will see it that way too.
Post # 19
hermom: my heart stopped when I saw your screen name. I thought your were MY mom and she found me on the bee!
Post # 20
ItWasntMe: no I didn’t tell her that he didn’t like her. She picked up on that vibe after she commented on his body and he basically shut down around her
i just told my coworkers about how she wanted to tell us she dropped our rings in the sand during the ceremony. Everyone’s jaw just dropped. I still can’t believe she said that
Post # 21
yogahhh: Sorry for the heart attack! Has she always been like this?
Post # 22
hermom: not to me but I can see how it’s happened with others in the past.
again, i DH hasn’t completely innocent in any of this. But, my issues have to do more woth how she can’t put that aside and support me. I feel like my wedding has been twisted into her… Her feelings. I don’t want to dismiss how she feels, but it’s been painful that she couldn’t just put everything aside and be there for ME
Post # 23
yogahhh: I think you have to stop expecting her to be any different than she is. Stop trusting her to behave like somebody else, some other pleasant rational person. I was amazed you trusted her with your rings for goodness sake , you might have guessed something like it from a woman who openly says she wants to wear funereal black , wants to do the ‘ I object’ etc .
No need to cut ties but no need to keep calling her only to be abused and manipulated either . Sure you can call, but as soon she starts in , firmly tell her you’ll put the phone down if she continues. And do so . It’s hard but it’s simple .
The best of luck , keep us posted .