(Closed) Update on my husband, and a tough situation.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No advice but I want to say that while I did not comment on your previous thread, I was watching it and wondering and hoping like all hell that your husband would recover. I am so happy for you that you have your husband with you still and that he is getting better every day. I can’t express enough how happy I am for you. 

Post # 4
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Talk to her about it.  She’ll understand.

I’m glad your husband has made so much progress.  I was wondering the other day how you all were doing.  🙂

Post # 5
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m so happy to hear that your husband is doing well and that he’s woken up (mentally) to who he was before all this happened!! It is an amazing testament to your husband’s strength and I’m sure that he will kick ass in rehab just like he did in ICU. 

Regarding your sister-in-law… I’d maybe start with a little faith on your part that you will have kids some day. This is a road block, yes. But your husband has improved by leaps and bounds in just 2 months and I can’t believe that you two won’t get your life back and be able to have kids at some point, even if this delayed you for a while. As for if you tell her? Probably depends how close you are. If you’re not all that terribly close I’d just do my best to get through it and not show how upset you are. If you are very close I’d just tell her that you’re thrilled for her but given your own desire to have kids and everything that has happened her being pregnant is just a sore spot for you reminding you of what you don’t have right now, and ask her to be patient with you on the topic. 

Post # 6
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Is this your husband’s sister, his brother’s wife, or your brother’s wife? 

I’m hoping there’s someone in your family – or even in your husband’s family – who could approach this on your behalf. I think most folks would have to be crazy to not understand that a woman who was trying to have a child with her husband has had her world turned upside down – first fearful of losing her husband’s life, and now facing the reality that she may never get to have kids. Those emotions are still raw. 

So, I’m hoping there’s someone who can tell her exactly that on your behalf: “Macintosh has been through some difficult things, and she’s not yet ready to get back out there. You can come stay with me/someone else/we can make hotel arrangements for you. “

It’s a little soon for you to have to deal with this, and I still don’t think it would be unacceptable to tell your SIL, “i’m really struggling with everything right now, and I feel bad backing out on you, but I  think I still need some time alone.” 

Attend what you can. Insulate yourself when you must from the pregnancy stuff. Again, I think most reasonable people will understand that. More than anything, be patient and forgiving of yourself – you’ve been through some traumatic things. And you don’t have to apologize for not being over-the-moon for someone else’s happiness when you are still struggling with so many other things.

Post # 7
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Macintosh:  I have goosebumps & tears in my eyes over the fact that your husband is able to communicate with you!  Thank you so much for coming back to update us.  I will continue to send positive thoughts & prayers your way, and I have my fingers crossed that he continues to improve and hopefully he recovers as completely & as quickly as possible.

As for your SIL being pregnant, well I can’t imagine how hard that is for you to bear at the moment.  Are you close enough that you could be honest with her- you’re happy for her but so, so sad for your situation at the same time?  Be open about what you need… maybe you need some space, maybe you need the company & support.  I’m sure she will understand your conflicting emotions, but if you don’t tell her how you feel she might be hurt if you aren’t as open with her as you usually are.  Just be open & honest, I’m sure she will understand.

And seriously, that is such amazing news about Justin- HE REMEMBERS WHO YOU ARE AND HE LOVES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!  What a blessing 🙂

Post # 8
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Aside from my husband being in the hospital, I have been in your shoes. My husband and I have been ttc for 1+ years and my sister is now on her third baby, it is so easy for her. I got really upset when she told me she was pregnant again and was very cold towards her. She knew that I was sad but didn’t really understand the severity of it, I was very angry about the entire situation.

We finally talked about it and things are much better. She stills says things all the time that drive me crazy like ‘Ugh, why can’t his baby just come out, everyone is having their before me!?’ or ‘I hate being pregnant!’. So obnoxious when she knows what I would give to be pregnant. Whatever, she never had to try.

I suggest talking to her and explaing that you are excited for her but it’s very hard for you and you need her to understand how you feel about the situation.

Also, yay for Justin! So glad he’s doing so much better! Do they think he’ll ever be able to talk again?

 

Post # 9
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

It sounds like your sister in law has been sensitive to your situation, as she didn’t share her pregnancy with you right away (if I am understanding correctly). I would guess she’d be more than receptive to talking with you about why it may be hard for you to discuss her pregnancy right now.

 

Post # 10
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Macintosh:  I’m so glad that you updated and I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear about Justin’s progress.  This truly is miraculous news!  About your SIL’s pregnancy, I’m sorry, that really is difficult timing for you.  If you feel close enough to her, I’d try to find a way to talk to her about it because that will probably make you feel better and relieve a bit of the elephant in the room. 

Your situation is and was much more severe than any experience I have had, but it reminded me of something I dealt with, so maybe this example will help, although admittedly, it’s not even close to on the same scale.  When I had been waiting for years to be engaged, my best friend got engaged very quickly after spending years talking to me about my future engagement and wedding.  It was hard for me, so I addressed it with her first thing when I saw her – I let her know that I was so happy for her, and that while it was difficult for me timing-wise, the two events (her engagement and my non-engagement) were separate events and I was going to try to separate my feelings on the two.  And that’s what I told myself over the next year as she planned her wedding – that they were two separate things and I wouldn’t let my sadness about one affect my happiness about another.  I don’t know if that makes sense, and I am completely aware that this is a much more difficult situation, but maybe this thought process will help.  I’m sure your SIL will be sensitive to how difficult your situation is.

I wish you the absolute best of luck with everything, and you and your family will still be in my thoughts and prayers. xoxox

Post # 11
Member
269 posts
Helper bee

so happy your husband is improving. it is an emotional drain watching someone you love suffer from the pain of recovering. but as for you sister in law, she never planned to make you mad or hurt by getting pregnant . personally id be happy to have a supportive sibling around than be pissed at her for getting prego. my siblings and i rarely talk or see eachother and for that fact id be grateful she was there!

Post # 12
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Macintosh:  I’m so happy to hear your update and to hear Justin is making good progress.  That is so wonderful!

I am so sorry you’re in this situation – it must be so tough! I’m not sure what the best course of action is without knowing your SIL and her personality.  If you two are close, maybe just put it all out in the open so she can support you through this.  I’m not sure if you’ve sought any counseling but it may be helpful to get your feelings out in the open in a neutral but supportive environment.  You’ve been through a lot and are still healing and will  be for a while.  I wish you all the best and keeping Justin in my thoughts throughtout his recovery. xoxo 

 

Post # 13
Member
3152 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@Macintosh:  I’m glad he is improving and able to communicate with you. Your SIL seems like she has tact (she didn’t mention anything to you when you were in the 2WW) so I am sure she will understand. BUT, you may not being having a baby right now, but there is no reason (unless a doctor indicated as much) that you will never have a baby. Do you best to be happy for her, but I’m sure she does not expect you to be focusing on it.

Post # 14
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

Its wonderful to hear he is improving!  As far as the issue with your SIL, I would just speak to her about it.  I’m sure she will understand. 

Post # 15
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Macintosh:  Thank you so much for coming back with an update Kim, and WHAT an update!?!?! That is amazing! I’m so happy he’s awake, alert, aware, and able to show you how much he loves you! What a blessing! I know the road ahead will be long and bumpy, and sometimes you may want to jump off the ride….but the hard part is over. You know that at some point you will be taking your husband home, and you know that he will know where he is and who he’s with, and he will continue to know and feel his love for you. What a miracle!

As for your SIL, I think you should sit down and talk it out with her. Tell her that while you’re happy for her and her husband, and while you are stoked at the thought of a niece/nephew joining your family, it just reminds you what you’ve lost because of the accident, and what you may never regain depending on Justin’s recovery situation. Tell her that while you can be happy for her, it’s hard to talk about, and you’re sorry that you won’t be able to be as present in her pregnancy, or as excited about it, as you likely were for the last one. Tell her that it hurts too much and it’s too painful for you to deal with right now, but that you’ll be cheering quietly from the sidelines, and you hope everything goes well with the pregnancy. You are feeling very human emotions, and after what’s been happening with Justin, I’m sure she will empathize with you. I really don’t think she’ll be angry or hurt. She will understand.

Stay strong lovey…
XOXOXOX

Post # 16
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You’ve already got some great advice here. Just wanted to say that I am thrilled that Justin is doing so well. I truly believe you’ve both received a miracle and I bet that he will fully recover.

Thank you for the update! 🙂

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