Post # 1
Hey Bees. i was the one who made the thread about sending the text after the first date, that ended with him not being able to meet. Since then, he answered me the following Monday apologizing for not answering, he said he was in the Adirondacks and had terrible service, tried to answer me and the message never went out. We talked a bit about our weeks and he then said “And I absolutely want to test your mini golf skills!”. So we picked Friday for a date. Thursday we agreed on 7, and I said I would pick a place because his coworker had gotten into a car accident and he had to make a last minute trip to the city to get them. I found a place and sent it to him Friday morning, and I got this text back “So I have two bad pieces of news. The first is I have to cancel on tonight 😞. The bit last night set us back today and I’m not going to be leaving the city till 7. The second and worse piece is im leaving tomorrow for a week for work so I can’t reschedule this weekend 😞😞😞” I replied saying if he wanted to at least get a drink after to let me know but I would completely understand if not and we could reschedule when he gets back. He replied with Alright I’ll let you know but at the rate this week has been going it’s unlikely I’ll get home with enough time to shower and head out. Thanks for being so understanding though. I was pretty bummed when I realized this weekend probably wouldn’t work out”
I feel like someone wouldn’t make up this detailed of an excuse if they didn’t want to see me, and although we weren’t texting too much throughout the week, whenever we did, his responses were enthusiastic until then.
Do you think this excuse was legit? Would it be too much if I haven’t heard from him in a week or so to text something like “Hey, hope your trip was good! Are ou still interested in meeting up?”
I really dont want this thread to spiral out like it did last time, I just want to know if I should throw my hands up at this point and give up.
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Maybe just send a text telling him to reach out the next time he’s available and wants to make plans and leave it at that. If he reaches out, great. If not, then you know it’s not worth putting any more time/effort into things.
Post # 3
I haven’t seen your previous thread, but since he cancelled, let him reach out to you next. It is the right thing for him to do. If he doesn’t, then let it go.
Post # 4
I guess it wouldn’t hurt to send a little reminder or something like “Hey how’s your trip?”. But that’s it. If he’s interested he’ll make the effort back. Don’t overthink it.
Post # 5
I think you need to put the ball in his court and see what he does with it. I like MiniMeow‘s idea of sending a text now that tells him to reach out when he has time to meet up again and then just leave it be. Then you don’t have to do all this analyzing and wondering.
Post # 6
I would wait for him to contact You, but I wouldn’t hold your breath. For the record, I don’t think you did anything wrong, but after the cancellations I think he needs to step up and show his interest by initiating.
Post # 7
He doesn’t seem to want anything serious which is why he’s ok with cancelling plans. I would let the ball be in his court. If he reaches out and you happen to be available then great, make a date. I definitely wouldn’t put all my eggs in one basket though. If you have plans with someone else and he suddenly is available I wouldn’t cancel my plans. He sees this as casual, so should you.
Post # 8
Do you think this excuse was legit? — Maybe, maybe not. The thing is, if it WAS legit, he will get in touch with you when he gets back. Right? He’s not going to forget you exist. You’ve made it very clear that your interested, so if HE is interested, he will reach out when he’s back in town.
Would it be too much if I haven’t heard from him in a week or so to text something like “Hey, hope your trip was good! Are ou still interested in meeting up?” — Yes, this would be too much. You already did this once and it ended with him making a date and cancelling. I am the farthest thing from a “Rules Girl”. I picked my husband up in a bar, so I am not one to say “don’t make the first move, men need the chase, blah blah blah.” I don’t believe in playing games, so this is not some game I’m suggesting. It’s self-respect. You’ve done your part by being clear, do not let it morph into being desperate. If he doesn’t call or text you this time, it’s because he’s not into you. Respect yourself enough to accept that and move on.
I just want to know if I should throw my hands up at this point and give up. — Yes. Assume he’s probably not going to text, live your life, and if he DOES get in touch, respond at that time. Do not call or text him again until then.
Post # 9
I agree with PPs who said to text him to get in touch with you when he’s back and leave it at that. Unfortunately there’s nothing you can really do but leave the ball in his court, so to speak. You texting him more won’t make him more interested and nothing you do/say will change his mind if he’s not interested. I’d give him the benefit of the doubt for now and see what happens.
It’s hard to say if his excuse is legit. Usually if someone says “I can’t meet on X day, but I can on Y day,” I assume they’re being honest. He gave a reasonable excuse, but it doesn’t sound like he told you when he’d be back, so I’m on the fence.
ETA: If a guy is interested in you, he will do whatever it takes to see you again. I went through a lot of iffy, hot-and-cold dating scenarios like this where I wasn’t sure if the guy was interested. It can be kind of draining. I dealt with a lot of guys cancelling or “forgetting” dates. It sucked, but then I my fiancé. He didn’t have a car when we met, so he’d get up at 6am to take the bus or walk four miles just to have coffee with me before I went into work.
If you don’t hear from him, try to not let it bum you out too much. If he isn’t it, you’ll eventually come across someone who will move heaven and earth to see you again.
Post # 10
I would not text/phone him, I’d leave it up to him. And FWIW I am not buying his excuses.
Post # 11
It just strikes me that he is a spur of the moment kind of guy, which means not mature or ready to settle down to anything, even a date. Or that he wants someone (you) on the back burner in case some other plan doesn’t work out. I know, because I have been in your shoes!
Most assuredly, do not count on him for anything, even keeping a date for a drink. Live your life as if he doesn’t exist. If he ever calls you and wants to meet up for a drink or lunch or anything, go if you feel like it at that moment. Otherwise, banish him from your thoughts.
Post # 12
cookingguru : The ball is in his court. Since he canceled the onus is on him to reschedule. I wouldn’t chase him. And in the meantime, go out on other dates! Because he isn’t serious (sparsely texting, etc) and you shouldn’t be either.
Post # 13
I would delete his number so even if you have the urge to text him you can’t. If a guy wants to get in touch with you, he will call you or text you. Everyone carries their phones with them everywhere. He did give a pretty detailed text when he broke plans, that could just mean he’s a nice guy and didn’t want to hurt your feelings….or what he said could be true. Regardless delete his number and leave it up to him.
Post # 14
Don’t text him again. I thought it was fine last time, but when people cancel they KNOW the onus is on them to reach out again. If you were trying to schedule with just a platonic friend and they sent you those texts, you’d just wait on them to get back to you.
If he’s interested, he’ll definitely just reach out to you when he’s back like a normal person. You sending the extra text just gives off clingy vibes.
You’ve only been on one date! That’s not long enough for him to have very strong feelings in any paricular direction. He probably was intersted enough to see you again, which is all you can reasonably determine from one date.
I don’t know that ‘give up’ is the right way to phrase it. Just let it go and see if he gets back to you when he’s back.
Post # 15
As for the ‘detailed excuse’ enhancing his credibility–it’s actually the reverse. Liars tend to include a lot of detail. Too much in fact, many times. A simple “My friend has an emergency” would have sufficed nicely.
Nooooo! Do not text him AGAIN! No, no mas. Leave him alone. If he’s playing games with you, he’s getting a great deal of enjoyment out of your chasing him. He gave you just enough to relight that fuse.
If a man wants to see you, he will. It’s really just that simple.