Update on my last thread, please no fighting I just want opinions

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
3426 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

On your previous thread, I absolutely believed you were right to send the text. At this point, the ball is in his court and you need to leave it there.

You’re right, his excuses are long and do seem legit. If that’s the case, he’s going to text you as soon as he can. 

You’ve made it clear that you like him. At this point there is no way he doesn’t know that. He said he’d text you, so just let him. And if he doesn’t, we can safely assume that it’s not going to work out.

Good luck! And please keep us updated.

Post # 17
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I would do nothing and wait for him to reach out. And he’d better have a plan, not something vague.

Post # 18
Member
11614 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

As daisymae pointed out, this is coming from self-respect, not any kind of belief in gender rules:  even with same sex friends, look and wait for reciprocity. 

Otherwise you might be crowding someone. 

So you extended an invite, he changed plans, you countered, he hasn’t responded. 

Wait to see if and how he responds. You wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who wasn’t capable or interested in reciprocity, in mutual giving and attentitiveness, so this is a good time to let it go, focus in other things. 

If he’s interested, he has your info. 

 

Post # 19
Member
12224 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I don’t know why you are still hung up on someone who is this flakey and uninterested or why you insisted on pursuing him multiple times without any evidence of reciprocation in the beginning. He’s cancelled on you, not gotten back to you and was IMO inappropriately rude and suggestive on a first date if I’m remembering correctly. 

My guess is he’s juggling other women, has a Girlfriend or worse, or is just not that into you. A man who is excited to see you again will make that happen no matter what. 

Even if he is mildly interested, he’s also unreliable, which is a big red flag. 

Post # 20
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I’d take it as a loss, HIS loss. 

If he calls, great! If he doesn’t, oh well. 

When someone wants you, they make time. 

Post # 21
Member
6272 posts
Bee Keeper

weddingmaven :  exactly 

 

op it’s this kind of attachment and overthinking that makes dating so torturous.  I’ve been there done that. 

Things changed for me when I got a lot more interested in my own worth and dated more and more. I’m not into stringing people along but I found if I went on a couple of early casual dates with a couple of guys it helped me to stop getting hung up on one. 

Honestly when someone’s into you and you’re into them it will just be easy and you’ll be picking up your phone to “good morning” texts and “when can I see you again”. 

I always seem to end up mentioning this guy on dating threads.  I’m not into dating gurus and all of that but he offers very straightforward advice that helped me see my value and weed out good guys to date. A couple of previously single girlfriends also found his stuff useful. There’s plenty on the free blogs – I’m not pushing you to an expensive site or anything. 

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/category/online-dating-tips-advice/

Post # 22
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

cookingguru :  I wouldn’t text him anything. Even if his excuses are legit, he’s busy! Let him reach out to you when things calm down in his schedule. 

I agree with a PP, if a man wants to see you he will. The ball is in his court, leave it to him. 

 

Post # 23
Member
25 posts
Newbee

You’ve gotten so many great comments and a lot of valuable advice on your last thread, yet, for some reason, you still choose to ignore it, and you’re posting in essence the same question again. Why are you so hung up on this guy who is still too busy to schedule a date with you? I think you should really think about that question for a while and work on your self-esteem.

Again: A guy who is interested in seeing you will make it happen. Period. Simple as that. Just leave him alone and wait until he comes to you. At this point, it shouldn’t matter if his excuses are legit or not. What other people think about you is none of your business. 

Post # 24
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

I was involved in your previous thread and was really rooting for things to work out..and I still am! But, considering you have shown your interest multiple times, I would leave it completely up to him now. 

You’ve initiated a lot (which is not a bad thing in my opinion) but I do think it is now up to him to make the contact. Good luck and I really hope it all works out!!!!

Post # 25
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Who knows for sure if he’s being honest, but if he is going cancel on you all the time, imagine what would happen if you two were in an actual relationship. He either doesn’t have the time or he’s not the interested. There are so many other guys out there, make yourself available to someone who can be available to you. Don’t bother texting him back, if he really wanted to see you, he would make it happen. 

Post # 26
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I read your last thread, and I thought some people were being way too harsh on you.

In this scenario, we have no way of knowing whether his excuse is legit or not. I’d wait for him to contact you again (or not, if he’s not going to). One more follow up text in a week’s time would be fine, but after that, I’d probably just let it go.

Best of luck!

Post # 27
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’m rooting for you, but you really can’t keep hitting 5 tennis balls into his court and stand there HOPING he’s going to hit one back to you. 

Let him hit some tennis balls your way and respond if he does. You really need to know your own worth and know you don’t need to work so hard for his attentions. If you keep it up you’ll either make him feel like there’s something wrong with you that makes you need to work so hard (NOT true hahahah the only thing wrong is you seem to think you need to work super hard compared to him) OR you will end up in a relationship with a lazy guy who puts in 10% all the time where you are always putting in 110%.

so calm down and let them hit some balls back your way!

 

 

Post # 28
Member
9961 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Just say okay and leave it at that. Stop reachinh out to him.

If he likes you he’ll make an effort to see/speak with you. 

Post # 29
Member
1794 posts
Buzzing bee

if a man wants to see you he will do everything in his power to make it happen- give up on this guy, he’s just not that into you

Post # 30
Member
3396 posts
Sugar bee

This is what I learned dating for a million years. Guys who are not stringing you along don’t make you feel compelled to ask friends for advice and insight about every communication. You don’t have to second guess your interactions. It is obvious what is going on.

i was really rooting for you with your last thread. I’d let him reach out to you next and in the meantime, try to forgrt about him and do things you rally enjoy for yourself. 

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