Update on my last thread, please no fighting I just want opinions

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
12128 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I don’t believe the excuse about the mountains. There is always someplace you can go to get service or send a text. It wasn’t a priority to him. 

Also, being “busy” after meeting someone for the first time can certainly happen. But if someone is interested they will make it clear, suggest dates for when they return etc. This guy did none of that. 

Post # 47
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

weddingmaven :  A man who is excited to see you again will make that happen no matter what. 

Exactly this. Most guys will make it happen if they want to. When Darling Husband and I first started dating, we were living in different cities, and after a long day at work, he’d drive an hour to come see me, when his car was in the shop, he still found a way to see me (I didn’t have a car at the time). My point is, they’ll make it happen if they want to. Don’t text him, pretend he doesn’t exist for now and see what happens.

Post # 48
Member
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Any update OP?

Post # 50
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

I agree with PPs who said that a guy who is interested in you will do anything to to make time for you.

I’ve been ghosted, stood up, or had plans cancelled on me at the last moment so many times that I began wondering if it was all hopeless and that I should remain alone forever.

But when I met my now-husband, it was like he was worlds apart from every other guy who had treated me like I was insignificant.

When we first met, I was studying abroad and he was doing his military service in a hospital, which meant that he could only leave the base at certain times, and even then he might be on call for medical emergencies. Plus, he lived 3 hours away from the city I was staying in.

He knew I was going back to my home in the US in the coming two weeks. But he still drove 6 hours every other day to take me out on dates, and then asked me to be in an LDR 6,800 miles apart. During our first movie date, he actually had to leave for an emergency operation only 20 minutes into the movie. But when the operation was cancelled, he actually drove all the way back.

This guy can’t be so busy that he can’t find one single day to meet up with you.

Find someone who will make you HIS PRIORITY, not leave you hanging in case his schedule miraculously clears up. You deserve much more than that!

Post # 51
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I would just let him get back in touch with you if he is interested. But not wait around for a text. Just live on. 

I commented before that I would not worry about texting too much, because if he has a problem with it then he is not for you anyway. BUT in all honestly, either this guy is making up loads of detailed excuses, which liars do, or he is too busy in life to date right now anyway and he should consider that instead of stringing you or other women along. 

I would lose interest in someone if I only get to see them like once a month… or if that… That is not dating. 

Post # 52
Member
6606 posts
Bee Keeper

The only thing I can think about when I read these threads is 

OP stop texting this guy. Find someone who’s actually interested.

Post # 52
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I haven’t read the entire thread, but I wouldn’t reach out again. Don’t you want to date someone who is so excited about seeing you that he makes it happen? I would be done at this point. He’s either too busy to date or just doesn’t see this as a priority.

Post # 53
Member
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

Sweetie in your last thread I said there’s nothing wrong with sending a text after a first date telling him you had a good time (I still think this) but I also said his friendly banter about mini golf etc sounded like he was interested….and maybe he still is. Maybe he’s truly busy and has every intention of contacting you when he gets back. BUT you seem way too invested in this- it was one date and some messages. Even if it was a terrific date, I don’t ever remember thinking this much about a guy after one date, including my husband! Yes he was sweet and cute and I hoped to see him again, but I can’t imagine thinking about him this much, showing friends his pic etc. I think if I found myself questioning anyone’s interest after a first date I would move on.  

I think you need to take a big step back from this, for your own sake. You seem really sweet and friendly, but- while it’s refreshing to see someone who just acts on their feelings without game playing or guile, this sweet naivete can also make you very vulnerable to being hurt, being taken advantage of.

This goes against my usual advice (not a fan of ‘rules’ or game playing) but you can’t make this too easy for him. Don’t contact him again unless he contacts you first. If he wants to get together for a planned date you can accept, but if he offers you a spur-of-the-moment ‘hey you busy tonight, let’s hang out‘ then BE BUSY. Even if you’re not. You can soften your ‘no’ by saying “hey it’d be great seeing you again but I already have plans’….letting him know you’re interested but not sitting there waiting for his text. As many other Bees have already said, if his busyness has been legit, he should be the one to pursue you when he gets back. Don’t let him take you for granted- if he is interested in a relaitonship with you, it could set an undesirable precedent of him not appreciating you enough.

You have to think well of yourself, have more confidence. You have to think that he would be lucky to have a second date with you. Good luck sweetie, let us know how things go.

Post # 55
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

Why was my comment deleted? 🤔 Strange…

Post # 56
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would definitely not text him first at this point. It just looks desperate. He’s not going to forget you exist.

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