(Closed) Update on my life–Another Emotional Rollercoaster

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Ms. Polar Bear:

Wowza. I remember reading your first post. Let her continue to be toxic on her own. Use this to move on. Remind her what she told you and keep it moving. You do not need this in your life.

Be sure to have referees at your wedding for her

Post # 4
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Ugh, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.  I’d suggest seeing a counselor at your school (a lot of schools have them free of charge).  It is really hard to deal with a crazy parent.  I think you have to distance yourself from her, and politely end the conversation when she starts yelling at you or talking crazy.

Post # 6
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wow, I can’t believe the gall of your family!! You really just need to get away from her, and stop speaking to her for a while. Get to a counselor STAT, and find a job.  Be a freaking adult!!! My mom and I fought all the time, but once I moved out of her house, things got sooo much better. We never fight anymore, and I actually consider my mom a friend now.  I also don’t talk to her everyday. I am married, have my own house, my own life, my own job, me and my husband take care of ourselves. 

You really just need to stop talking to anyone who is giving you negative reinforcement. Who was “suggesting” your aggression in your second post??

Post # 7
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think you are going to be able to get them to see things your way.  They aren’t going to admit that they are wrong, or that this is abusive.  I think you have to try to accept that, and distance yourself from them.  In my experience, pleading your case with irrational people will get you nowhere.  You can remind your mother what she said all you want, but I don’t think it is going to matter.  In other words, I think you are going to have to just take it, or you’re going to have to move on, and just try your best to figure out how not to acknowledge it, and be your own person.

Post # 8
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Ms. Polar Bear: I read your post yesterday and didn’t reply but my mom is VERY much like this. She hasn’t called me names yet but a lot of the other behaviour is pretty similar. I have just learned to live and deal with it to some extent and it’s taken my mom some years to learn that she doesn’t control our relationship. 

I think for your own sanity it’s best to talk to someone who is not involved in this situation, a counselor preferably. You have to trust that counselors are professionals and they will give you some great tips on how to deal with a situation. My counselor definitely helped me to understand how I can control my own behaviour in different situations so that I stayed calm.

 

Post # 9
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@EleanorRigby: Completely agree with this. Irrational people are exactly that, even if you had video of the event they wouldn’t believe you. Also some people want to be right at the expense of anything.

Post # 10
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Ms. Polar Bear:

I’m so sorry to hear that you have a fear of counselors. Was that because of a bad experience with one in the past? 

My best advice is, if you have any friends you trust, ask around, see if they have a recommendation for a good person. If not, find one through your school, and if you don’t click, try another.*

*My only caveat to this is to make sure that you don’t switch just because they’re telling you things you don’t want to hear or bringing up difficult thoughts/feelings within yourself.  Switch if they are minimizing your problems, suggesting that the abusive treatment is somehow acceptable, etc.

Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Totally forgot you were starting all that in the fall, my bad.  I think that distancing yourself from her is best, and maybe if you can show her you are fully capable of being on your own, she will back down.  I’m shocked that your father said those things to you??? Seems like your mom has way more control over everyone than she should, and the slightest push against her sends her reeling. But if you continue to pull away from her, maybe you can help stop her agressive and abusive behavior

Post # 15
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Ms. Polar Bear: I don’t think you should be concerned about someone finding out that you went to a counselor or that being used against you to suggest that you’re crazy. Going to a counselor does not = crazy but I totally understand how your mother would think that/use it against you. You can probably also ask for full confidentiality if you explain your situation with your father’s job to your counselor. I used to just meet my counselor in a classroom on campus instead of her office sometimes. 

Good luck with your interview tomorrow!

The topic ‘Update on my life–Another Emotional Rollercoaster’ is closed to new replies.

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