- 7 years ago
Hi there – I won’t bore you with too much detail. I’ve posted a handful of times about my situation. I am in a relationship that is going on 3 years (in oct). SO and I love each other, relationship is solid, planned on moving in together SOON. Back in early June he even had a yard sale to start getting rid of items and he collected moving boxes. He’s moving in with me…will rent his home (negative equity situation or he would sell it). So, long story short and I suppose more could be found out by reading my posts if you’re interested….. the night of the yard sale he said he had a “fear of losing his independence.” and went on to explain that he wasn’t sure about marriage. He knows that for me, moving in means next step is marriage and that I’m not “playing house” indefinitely. I’ve expressed that. He said he wants to work through his fears and go through counseling together. He’s already in counseling and I’ve been to one session alone.
So – things are moving along about the same. No “I want to get married one day for sure” declaration but a lot of “we’ll work it out” “I love you” “you’re very special to me.” Still, admits he is still afraid of marriage. His past marriage was, to say the least – bad. Needless to say, we’ve put moving in together on hold because I’m holding to my belief that I won’t do so until I know that in the end marriage is where he sees us ending up.
We went to the beach this past weekend. On the drive we talked a lot and he said he thinks we should go ahead and move in togehter. I didn’t want to ruin the weekend, so I didn’t come out and say “does that mean you’ve changed your mind and want to marry one day?” I just chickened out and said “are you really sure that’s a good idea given our disagreement about the future?” His response was “yes, I think it would be good for us.”
I just dropped it so as to not ruin the trip. We had a very nice time and I’m kind of glad I didn’t, but kind of wish I had not been such a big fat wuss! So, while on the beach we asked a man what time it was and started talking to him. He asked if we were married and I said “nope.” He whispered in SO’s ear: “you need to get down on your knees and propose to this woman right away.” SO just laughed and smiled.
Then, an hour or so later we were walking on the beach and found a wedding band (man’s) that someone had lost.
My SO said ” I think that man was put here for a reason to say that to me, there are no conidences you know.” I agreed and said “Yes, and don’t forget the wedding band…..”
I think more than anything I just wanted to share this with you guys. I’ve kind of set an internal deadline of October 31. If I don’t see a significant change or hear the words, “I want to marry you one day” I’m going to end the relationship.
It feels promising what he said to me. I’m trying to do Mr. Bee’s plan. When I don’t answer his calls he freaks out and calls and calls and calls until he gets me. I haven’t made “other plans” but I’m trying to focus on ME more.
What do ya’ll think? Other than I’m a total wuss for not coming out with it in the car on the way to the beach?