Post # 1
SO and I talked about 6-7 times in the past week about the situation with his family not welcoming me into their home because of my autistic child.
WE decided that he can see his family whenever he wants, but when it comes to a family that we have together, ALL kids are included ALL the time. Presents and outings will only be allowed if ALL kids are included. I won’t allow them around me or my son without an apology, so basically the ball is in their court if they want to do that. If they don’t, then they don’t get to have a relationship with our future children, either. We came to this together after much discussion.
Thanks to all who helped. For the bees who think I am a bad mom and “not putting my son first”, well, I didn’t really take much of it to heart since I always put my son first. I don’t see anything wrong with coming on WB for advice. If I were to put my needs above my son’s, I would not be seeking advice to begin with, so…
WB is overall a great board and there’s a lot of lovely people on here. Thanks to you all <3
P.S. this brought SO and I a million times closer. This was the most difficult thing we’ve ever gone through and our communication is awesome! And I think someone on here was wondering… I have 50/50 custody with my son’s dad.
Post # 3
🙂 Thanks for some good news! Glad you guys are stronger and have amazing communication!
Post # 4
I think that’s a fair resolution for your son and your future family. Glad you were able to work it out!
Post # 5
out of curiousity, how would a wedding work? Are they invited? Would they go?
How did thanksgiving go? Did it come up or did anyone say anything? I’d imagine it being hard on your bf not having you there for a stupid reeason
Post # 6
I’m glad things are better with you and your BF and it’s great you came to this decision together. Hopefully his family will come around, but if they don’t, well it’s better to stay away from people like that.
Best of luck.. =)
Post # 7
You say that he still plans to see his parents “whenever he wants.” Did he give you an idea of about how often that is / will be?
Just trying to imagine myself in his position, I think if it were me and my parents treated my SO that way, as much as I love my parents, I’d need to give myself a LOT of distance from them.
Post # 8
I’ve been following you’re story, I’m so glad you guys are a good place now 🙂
Post # 9
@Luckygal5571: One word… eloping
I updated in my other long thread… SO “needs” a relationship with his mom because she is emotionally abused, lonely, etc. He is VERY close to her. He worries for her. Her disposition is to simply go along with whatever her husband says, to maintain “peace”. She wants to get to know me and my son, but won’t. Her husband says we are not welcome, so she says we aren’t welcome. That’s her choice. I won’t worry myself in that, but I can’t imagine making my SO choose and abandoning his mom. I know she is an adult, but many women who have been abused for 30 years just can’t see the other side of things. That’s on her to figure out, and my SO kicking her out of his life is not the answer.
I hope this makes sense to everyone, and I hope now you understand why I didn’t want SO to choose.
Thanksgiving without SO sucked. But… he had a lousy time with his “boring” parents and I had a BLAST with my son. My dad has a karaoke machine and we sang, watched Charlie Brown specials, and partied it up. SO loves my family, so it’s HIM missing out on everything! hehe
For Christmas, he will spend half the day with me and the other half with his family. It is what it is.
Post # 10
I feel like a bit of a stalker because I’ve been following your story, but I’m glad to hear it turned out well!
Post # 11
@Molly929: He sees them about once a week, and that’s fine. If that continues, that’s also okay. He would support me keeping our bio kids from them until they apologize SINCERELY. I even told SO that I am not having kids with him unless he agreed to this. He agreed right away.
Post # 12
I’ve been following your story. I am so happy that this worked out for you! It definitely does not sound like you’re being a bad mom. You sound like a wonderful mom with a complicated situation! I’m so happy this worked out!
Post # 13
I was very pro you breaking up with him, but this does seem like an acceptable solution. I would not want any of my kids around those people. I hope that your SO continues to support this decision. Best of luck.
Post # 14
Post # 15
What if he just saw his mother individually, maybe you BOTH could invite her over for dinner?
I dunno… maybe I’m alone here, but I still really don’t like how he sees no problem maintaining a close relationship with his parents after this… he should have more loyalty to you.
Post # 16
I have been watching your story like a hawk as well! I’m really, sincerely happy that you two came to a solution that works and that he’s being totally supportive. I’m relieved that you won’t be separating the kids and that you two are now on the same page. You must be feeling so much better. I wish you all the best with whatever the future brings to you and your family. 🙂