Post # 167
@Grizz: that’s kind of very presumptuous.
just because OP is attempting to figure out if and how she can make a relationship work with her SO doesn’t make her a bad mother. she came here for advice and support; we have no right to judge her for actions she hasn’t even made. this is a tough situation for anyone to be in. it’s disappointing to see so many rude implications being made.
@Mrs. Harmony: i know you’ve discussed this with him, but your SO needs to know that if he’s ever going to be apart of your family, he needs to lay down the law with his parents now.
Post # 168
Oh my goodness, you poor thing!! You totally did the right thing, good for you!
It’s not the same situation, but I can relate and I know how you’re feeling. When I was in college I dated a guy for a year whose family was extremely religious (catholic). I am episcopalian but willing to raise our kids in the catholic church and apparently that was not good enough for them. They were also making other trivial comments to him because he told me at one point that I was too quiet around them and should speak up and spend more time with them. I said the same thing you did, that I don’t audition and I was actually appalled that he would tell me how to change myself around them.
I broke it off with him a few months later when it was clear that they would not accept me and he was going to take their side. Strangely enough he wanted to stay together which I will never understand, but I was not willing to do that.
Stay strong, good luck!!
Post # 169
@moderndaisy: i’m guessing you missed the updates?
Post # 170
@imalittlebirdie: I would definitely tell my family where to go if the situation were reversed. I would not tolerate that kind of behavior from my family, and my SO knows this. I don’t even care if they were joking. I would not set foot in their home if they made comments such as the one his family made.
Post # 171
@Grizz: Just because I didn’t include my son in my previous posts doesn’t mean I am an absentee mom. I belong to “mommy” boards on other websites, and I don’t talk about my hobbies. I belong to “hobby” boards and I don’t talk about my boyfriend or my son. There’s no reason to talk about parenting on here, unless there’s a relevant issue, seeing this is a wedding/relationship website.
Some others on here were asking about my SO’s abusive past. Yes, his dad hit him. SO has been trying to win his dad’s approval for some time. Our long talks have revealed that he probably needs counseling to deal with his fear of standing up to his dad.
SO is VERY close with his mom. He worries about her and feels sorry for her. She is a classic abused woman, always going along with her husband no matter what. SO feels he needs to have them in his life to keep an eye on his mom. His 2 siblings are out of state, and he’s local. To ask him to remove his mom out of his life is almost cruel. True, she is a grown woman, but she’s been married to an abusive man for 35 years. I/we can’t expect her to change her spots and stand up for my son to her husband. She should, because she likes me and wants to get to know my son, but she won’t.
I can’t change these people. I can only control what I do. I made my decision (albiet slowly), but I know I made the correct one, as many of you bees would see.
Again, just because it took me 4 days to make a FINAL decision does not make me desperate, uncaring, or a bad mother.