Post # 47
SO came over last night, begging me to give this another chance. What we have is valuable and we don’t want to throw it away. He told me he would do anything to make things right with me. I told him he needs to call his mom and tell her exactly how I feel, that I know of the hateful remarks about my child, and that we are a committed couple who has talked of marriage already.
SO called her up, and she said I am not welcome in the home and neither is my son. SO asked if there’s anything specific about my character that offended/hurt them, and she said no, but she won’t invite me to the home and create tension with SO’s dad. SO’s dad made it clear that my son and I are not welcome, period.
I’m pissed that SO is spending Thanksgiving with his family, his sister and her SO, his brother and his Fiance. Basically, it’s a whole family event without me. My son and I are driving 2 hours instead to be with my father. I really wanted SO to join me and my son, but he doesn’t want to not have a relationship with his family. I would have chosen him over my awful family, but I can’t control what he does.
SO and I are starting to talk about how we can deal with this in the future. If/when we have kids and get married, how we are going to have to split up the kids (“our” kids go to his family, while my son and I do something else). It’s disgusting that it has to be that way, but there you have it.
Bees, thank you for helping me out. I have been crying on and off since hearing someone talk about my son. My son is awesome and I’m enclosing a photo of him here. A grown man made the “devil” comment about my son 🙁
Post # 48
I am so sorry you are dealing with his parents IGNORANCE!!! To make such unkind and ridiculous comments make me extremely angry. As a Speech-Language Path. who works with children on the Autism Spectrum, I know how wonderful each one is and the gifts each of them bring to our world. Stand your ground and don’t let anyone make you feel inferior. I hope to God that his parents wise up and get over themselves fast or I could forsee their son losing the love of his life. HUGS to you and your boy!
P.S. He’s adorable!!! Look at that SMILE!!
Post # 49
Ughh. This makes me feel sick. I’m so sorry. I hope you figure out what is best for you and your beautiful son.
Post # 50
I’m so sorry to hear this… but your SO is clearly putting his needs above yours and making a pretty strong statement by not siding with you. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you, but I think its time to let this one go and find someone who can’t wait to include you and your son in everything he does, someone who will stick up for you and always be on your side no matter what. That’s what relationships are all about. Good luck to you.
Post # 51
@Mrs. Harmony: I understand your SO wanting to work it out, but he’s clearly not willing to make the sacrifices required for that. I think your first instincts to cut and run were correct.
Ok, he wants a relationship with his family. Of course! But…his family isn’t asking him to choose. He is making that choice anyway, and that says a lot. He should be giving his family the cold shoulder, at the very least. He should be going with you and your son to make a point to his parents that this is NOT okay, but he isn’t doing that. He’s putting his family’s feelings far and away above yours.
I just don’t think this is a man that will ever make a strong stand to his family or any sacrifices for you and your son. You and your adorable son both deserve better. Think of if this man became his father and learned that his dad never stood up for him. Disgusting.
Post # 52
@Mrs. Harmony: Your son is so adorable and sweet looking. I agree with
@KristenGotMarried: &@Roe: that your SO should be standing up for you if he’s really serious about your relationship. The idea of splitting up future kids and sending ‘the good ones’ to Future In-Laws is really infuriating to me. You and your son deserve the love of an SO that loves and respects you, as does his family. I sure hope that he comes around and stands up for you two (three) and your relationship, or that you can find someone who treats you both as well as you deserve.
Post # 53
@Mrs. Harmony: No man is worth this- I think leaving him was the best idea you had- its more than obvious that to him, you are number 2 with his parents being number one. If he doesnt have the incentive to change that (ie work to earn you back, not you going back to him)then whats making him want to change? Whats going to move him to be different? I hope you hold him accountable for his actions because he NEEDS to change his priorities, and also realize exactly how his family is, and support you 110%.
Your son is absolutely beautiful just the way he is, someone would have to be heartless to exclude him, and it takes someone really cowardly to not stand up for such a child- I really hope your SO proves me wrong, and is capabale of learning the kind of courage you have in spades.
Post # 54
Splitting kids up is absolutely unacceptable. ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE!!!! Seriously! That is not a solution. That is keeping you both in a corner, hidden, so some people who are full of hate don’t have to deal with you. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but that’s aboslutely what that is. It’s not only unfair and unhealthy but as your son grows up he will feel cast aside. He is not meeting you halfway or standing up for you. Telling his parents that you know of the hateful things they said is not standing up for you. It’s informing them that the cat is out of the bag. I love my family to death but if they did something so hateful towards my partner, I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t tolerate it. I would tell them how horrible their behavior and thinking was and if they continued to treat my partner like that I would cut them out of my life.
Please please please don’t be forced into a place where you are separating your kid from your future children because of some ignorant people.
By the way – that is the most adorable picture I’ve ever seen. He’s such a beautiful child!
Post # 55
By acceptating his behaviour you have shown your son it is OK for the love of ones life to be treated as second rate humans.
Him leaving you behind only reenforces his paretns decision to exclude you. In my opinion that is far from acceptable and not something you should be OK with.
Post # 56
If/when we have kids and get married, how we are going to have to split up the kids (“our” kids go to his family, while my son and I do something else
im going to be honest, this is NOT acceptable – you cant have one child sitting at the back of the bus wondering why he is not good enough to sit at the same table as his family while his brothers/sisters are welcomed with open arms and what message would this give to his half siblings
i agree, if your husband can have some sort of relationship with his parents he should but not at the cost of your sons confidence, self worth and dignity! if you/your son were black would your FI accept them saying they didnt want him in their house because of his colour so why is this any different?
Post # 57
I’m sorry, but you accepting him back into your life was not a good idea. And you can NOT split up future children which I hope you don’t have with this man. No man is worth your beautiful son’s dignity.
Post # 58
So what happens if/when you and your SO have children and they have a handicap also? Will SO’s parents accept that child?
Your son is absolutely adorable, and you both deserve to have someone who loves you both and will stand up to anyone no matter what.
Post # 59
How will your son feel ALL his life, knowing that he is not welcome at his step dad’s family home?? Knowing that he’s not loved while his half-siblings are??
I know we’re not to judge, but it’s not fair to your son. Both you and him deserve someone who loves you and whose family accepts you!!
Post # 60
@Mrs. Harmony: Your kid is the sweetest thing ever!
I really hope you work this out, together with your SO, but he really needs to get his priority straight with you. You and your son don’t need to compromise. If he wants a family, then he should get his act straight and take care of the family he already has, (you and cutie). Hugs!
Post # 61