(Closed) UPDATE on the Bee who’s been WAITING a DECADE

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

Having bad arguments about a proposal might not be a good sign, but no one knows your relationship like you do. 10 years is a long time to wait with anything… A couple of my friends got married on their 10 year anniversary. If you want to stay in the relationship set a time frame for how much longer you are willing to wait, and then just let it be. Maybe he wants it to be a surprise for you. It seems like if he is saying soon maybe he is just waiting until he feels like he throws you off of the trail. Have you guys looked at rings together? if not maybe you can compromise and at least look at rings and pick one out.

Post # 3
Member
739 posts
Busy bee

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beelinetowhere123 :  But sometimes I feel there’s a glimmer of hope.

I’m not one to immediately jump on the ‘break it off’ bandwagon but I would definitely want more than a glimmer of hope to look forward to in a marriage. 

Post # 4
Member
3343 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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beelinetowhere123 :  warning: I’m blunt! I can’t imagine putting yourself through this 

Edited 

Post # 5
Member
6942 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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beelinetowhere123 :  You called your relationship “emotionally toxic” and in your last thread about this same topic you stated you would TURN HIM DOWN if he actually did propose. 

So, I ask: WTH are you doing?! Seriously this is beyond ridiculous. LEAVE! Get on with your life. 

Post # 6
Member
3444 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

I’m also blunt but I’ll try my hardest to soften this blow. Its been a decade, if he wanted to marry you he would have proposed and you would be getting married. Its really that simple. There’s no way in hell I’d let any relationship get to a point where it seems like I’m begging for a proposal or look so desperate. F*ck that and f*ck him. People can only treat you the way you allow them to. At this point you can clearly see this situation for what it is so either accept that a proposal isn’t happening or leave him alone. 

Post # 7
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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beelinetowhere123 :  Just wondering if you’re ok? Any update since last night?

Post # 8
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

Why don’t you propose to him? If he says no, be on your merry way.

Post # 9
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Why do you want to get married under these circumstances? Is it so you feel like you haven’t “wasted” 10 years? It is definitely not because you have a great relationship that you want to legally formalize. 

Marriage does not fix problems. If anything, any existing problems become worse. If you manage to marry him you’ll be wasting 10 years plus however long the marriage lasts.

Post # 10
Member
3535 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

What did I just read???

Post # 11
Member
5783 posts
Bee Keeper

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beelinetowhere123 : ” our fights aren’t just fights. They’re more like me screaming and yelling at a brick wall.”

As I mentioned in your previous thread, this isn’t normal or healthy for either of you. Couples who can’t argue without it escalating into public screaming matches should not be getting married. 

“I was beyond mad. I was yet again brutally honest about the way he’s been treating me. I told him that a man who wants to marry me won’t be silenced when I argue and won’t switch is mobile off when I’m upset or concerned or mad, etc.”

It’s understandable that you’re frustrated and upset by all of this and of course you have every right to speak up on issues that are bothering you. But I do agree with your SO in not getting into relationship drama while one or both of you is at work. 

I’m also wondering about you ‘not being silenced’ and him turning off his mobile. Either he’s giving you the silent treatment and shutting you down when you voice your opinion. Or you’re blowing up  his phone with endless texts as a continuation of a shreiking at each other argument. Neither is good. 

I’m sorry Bee, I don’t blame you for being upset at feeling strung along (I’d have bailed well before 10 years to be honest), but I think your relationship, for whatever reasons, has reached a toxic level of animosity coupled with a dysfunctional fighting style, and I don’t think a ring is enough to fix it at this point. 

Post # 12
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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beelinetowhere123 :  Why do you want to marry this guy? Blow up yelling fights where he shuts down are a major relationship red flag. Do you really think he wants to spend the rest of his life with someone so hotheaded? I don’t think so. If it ever does happen it’s going to be ruined by all the nagging/fighting you are doing over it. 

Post # 13
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

I gotta agree w PP, why in the world do you want to get married under these circumstances? Do you genuinely 100% honestly feel like him proposing at this point is going to rectify all this “emotionally toxic” history between the two of you. I admit I do know couples whose ONLY issue was the proposal timeline so hopefully that is your situation. I hope you get your proposal this weekend, but I’d be cautious, schedule a longggg engagement and invest in some premarital counseling. GL.

Post # 14
Member
2181 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

So when will enough be enough? If a “glimmer of hope” is your criteria for being in this relationship and he keeps saying “soon,” I can see you locked in this struggle for another decade or more. The thing is, people don’t magically change when they get married. Let’s say, you yell and scream enough for him to propose and you get married. What happens when he still doesn’t show you the commitment and devotion you want? The arguments will just evolve from “why aren’t you proposing?” to “why aren’t you behaving like a husband toward me?”

Post # 15
Member
2558 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Getting married will not fix your relationship problems!!! 

The topic ‘UPDATE on the Bee who’s been WAITING a DECADE’ is closed to new replies.

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