(Closed) UPDATE on the Bee who’s been WAITING a DECADE

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
beelinetowhere123 :  I just don’t get it. Relationships shouldn’t include screaming at each other. That’s toxic. You’ve said it yourself. I just don’t get why you’d even want to marry someone that treats you this way. 

Post # 17
Member
1446 posts
Bumble bee

I didn’t read all of it but you said a man who loves you would talk through problems instead of staying silent, but before that you said that it was the same old deal of you SCREAMING at a brick wall…

Can’t say I blame him for being silent if you’re screaming at him. 

Post # 18
Member
2747 posts
Sugar bee

I can’t even… If you eventally nag him into a proposal you wil always wonder if he really means it.

Happy compatible couples don’t scream at each other and insult each other like that . They listen respectfully and DISCUSS things together.

OP–you are riding a very big barge down the River of Denial.

He doesn’t want to marry you. End of.

Post # 19
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry, but I don’t know if I can marry someone that screams and yells at me and puts pressure on me to propose. Will you truly be happier if you got engaged?  Will this fix your “toxic relationship” with each other?  And if he treats you so badly, why do you want to marry him?  Are you sure you want to get engaged/married for the right reasons?  Marriage is a big commitment and if you aren’t happy now and continue to fight like this after you’re married, it could be a miserable union that leads to a difficult divorce.  Not trying to scare you or anything, but don’t put all your hopes and dreams into a proposal from the wrong person. Don’t settle.

Post # 20
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I can’t imagine either of you are going to by happy about an engagement that took this level of fighting to make happen.

Post # 21
Member
9754 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

A proposal is not going to fix the fact that you guys are incompatible and in a lackluster (to put it kindly) relationship. You do realize by marrying in such a toxic relationship you’re likely just going to end up divorced, right? Are you that desperate to just be married that it doesn’t matter who it is or even if you get along and like each other that you’ll just take whatever crumbs you can get at this point?

I feel like you’re laying down on a train track and we’re screaming at you the train is coming but you just keep plugging your ears and humming.

Post # 22
Member
8001 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I think the issue is that neither of you know what a healthy relationship looks like. No respectful partner – you or him – should yell and scream at the other about anything. Marriage will not fix an already dysfunctional situation. 

Post # 23
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I wish you well, bee, I truly do… But, if you are not really happy now, you will not be happier after marriage to this man. Many people think that something will be so satisfying and resolve all their issues if they just had ___. It could be marriage, a baby, a great job, anything that seems to evade them. But, once they finally have it they realize it is not as wonderful as they imagined it to be. Marriage is not this perfect thing that fixes whatever is broken in you or your relationships. If anything, it can exasurbate these weaknesses unless it is built on a strong foundation. Time does not= strength. Your relationship sounds very problematic. Please, be 100% sure that you want to marry him flaws and all and not just that you want to get married/married soon. There is a big difference.

Post # 24
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
beelinetowhere123 :  Do you really want to spend even one more day with someone who treats you so poorly?    

A wedding band does not have magical powers to fix a relationship that is toxic.

Post # 25
Member
2229 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Don’t marry this guy. And stop screaming at him 

Post # 26
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2022 - Maui

(Iʻm sure yaʻll are tired of me referencing my ex but here it goes again)

He would irritate me evry day. I wanted a proposal and a long engagement within 3 years. Well I got the proposal early and i said no initially but apparently it was live streamed to our families so i said yes. i pushed for a long engagment to work on issues, we were married in 8 months. guess what? our issues only escalated once married cuz we both felt “stuck” so he checked out and i dove in to make it work. I thought a house would save us, it was our dream goal. We were separated within 3 months of moving in. Our issues never went away no matter how great we were doing in life. Us together simply didnt work. Dont get caught in the “lets just get to the next step” excitement and lose sight of whats really going on. Take care of you

Post # 27
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee

Oh man. You couldn’t PAY me to get married with only a “glimmer of hope” in the relationship. Marriage is hard work, and definitely require more than a glimmer to make it worthwhile. If you do end up engaged, and married, it’s not likely this glimmer will get you through life. Sure, you’ve been together for 10 years, but marriage changes things. The dynamic of the relationship changes, even if people convince themselves it won’t. You need more than a glimmer.

 

Post # 28
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t understand why you’re with this guy.

Post # 29
Member
1117 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Post # 30
Member
3141 posts
Sugar bee

Honey, why do you do this to yourself? You know it’s emotionally toxic.  You know it’s not healthy. You have the power to change your life for the better by breaking up and moving on.

And why do you feel there’s a glimmer of hope?  I mean this kindly, but I think you’ve been in such an emotionally toxic relationship for so long that you’re fotgotten what hope looks like.

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