(Closed) UPDATE on the Bee who’s been WAITING a DECADE

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

Don’t give any more time of your life to this guy! Seriously. Like other bees have said, getting engaged isn’t going to solve anything. Do the right thing for both of you and leave! I fought hard and got into fights with my previous BF because I wanted him to propose. He told me he needed at least 5 years before he might be ready. After we broke up he proposed to his next Girlfriend in less than a year! And now Im about to marry the love of my life next month. We weren’t meant to be. That’s ok. We are both in better situations now. 

Post # 32
Member
4077 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

For real? You want to enter into marriage with someone where there is a glimmer of hope? You do realise there is little chance that if you do get married that this will be a successful relationship, so truly, why bother?

Engagement and marriage isn’t a prize, and it certainly doesn’t solve any issues. 

Post # 33
Member
2200 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah— so this isn’t a relationship that is going to lead to a happy and meaningful marriage. I understand you are arguing about why is it taking so long, but trust me. There are deeper issues. Your relationship will not be happy and this is the tipping point because you are sticking around for the ring. 

Get counseling. Learn to communicate and each other’s love language. Work together to build your foundation. THEN get engaged! 

Post # 34
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Girl, literally every single person on both your threads has told you that you need to walk away. Maybe that should signal something to you. 

Post # 35
Member
1923 posts
Buzzing bee

This is literally one hot ass mess. 

This relationship needs to end. 

Post # 36
Member
7237 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

My grandmother has spent the last 65 years screaming at my grandfather, trying to get him to see her, hear her, connect with her. You know the result? Everyone in both their families and all over the city where they live thinks she’s a fucking lunatic. She is a brilliant, courageous, deeply loyal woman who is STARVED for connection and the desperation of her emotional state has made her terribly isolated for decades. He isn’t perfect, by any means, but she has managed to alienate him and a lot of other people with her chosen method for getting attention.

You need to stop. You’re screaming at a man to get him to propose to you? What’s going on inside of you that you feel the need to torture yourself like that? Go to therapy and work through that. Stop beating yourself against this brick wall that already clearly rejected you. Find someone who actually wants to marry you, since you already know how that person should/would behave and you can clearly see that your SO isn’t doing that.

Post # 38
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

I’m thinking that if she feels that staying in her relationship is worth it, then it has some kind of value to her.  I mean sure, I wouldn’t want to walk away after 10 years and I would find it very hard to do so.  Where OP is makes sense to me from that angle. 

 However, as much as I’d like to not be single it’s doubtful that I would allow myself to remain in a situation like the OP’s due to not being able to take being treated like she has been. 

 

Post # 39
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee

I have a happier relationship with Taco Bell… And Everton knows how toxic that shit it! Damn girl…

Post # 40
Member
4077 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

View original reply
shirithecheery :  Staying is like the sunk cost fallacy though. One should never be so invested that they can’t exit when they are on a losing streak.

Post # 41
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee

It isn’t even about getting married at this point. You just want validation that you haven’t wasted 10 years on this cat. You are not happy. He is not happy. A ring will not magically fix any of that – a marriage will magnify it x100. Unhappy + Marriage = Utter Misery FOREVER (squared).

Post # 42
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 

View original reply
beelinetowhere123 :  what makes you think that if he does propose that it will end in a wedding? 

Whilst I feel for you that it must be frustrating you have no guarantee that you’ll get married, he may propose just to get you off his back and then you’ll be fighting about the timeline from engagement to marriage, venues, photography etc…I just feel that you’ll be eternally treading through treacle with regards to this relationship.

I hope you both find some peace.  

Post # 43
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

This doesn’t sound healthy. Do you think marriage will change your dynamics? I know that it’s easy to see this as one big issue, but it sounds like basic incompatibility. Based on what you’ve written, even if you do get married, you’ll have more unhealthy fights, and you will probably think he isn’t “acting” like a husband. 

Post # 44
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I don’t understand how this is an update.

What was the point of this post?

Post # 45
Member
8017 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
beelinetowhere123 :  Sorry, Bee, but a proposal isn’t going to solve your problems, it will just shift the subject of your fights. Do you want the relationship you have right now for the rest of your life? Because the two people involved don’t change just because you have a ring. 

The topic ‘UPDATE on the Bee who’s been WAITING a DECADE’ is closed to new replies.

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