Post # 1
WOW!!!! Just an update to my original post about my lovely and wonderful Maid Of Honor! This past month I have seriously been considering retracting my offer to her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I know, I know…..that is a HORRIBLE thing to say! It’s true though!!! I was frustrated enough when she requested me to fork out $500 for an extravagant Bachelorette weekend within 24 hours. Number 1 I didn’t need such an extravagant party and Number 2 I just spent $10,000 on deposits and didn’t have $500 extra to drop on a cruise that was 1 year out!
So here are my updates. She has been one of my closest friends throughout the past 10 years. She has always been controlling, negative and somewhat demeaning. However, I thought that she would at least be supportive and positive when it came to planning my wedding. Especialy since she works in the wedding industry! I mean it is her JOB to HELP Brides and be supportive and encouraging! I thought she would be PERFECT for the job of Maid/Matron of Honor. Instead she has been NEGATIVE NELLY! She has questioned EVERY single decision that I have made! Not only does she question me….but she challenges my decision and wants to know WHY I decided that and exactly how many other optio have I looked into. She will then e-mail me a list of reason why she thinks my decision is wrong!
I have tried avoiding any talk of wedding with her the past 3 months and just focusing on our Friendship. Hoping that would fix her attitude! Instead…..she has gotten even bitchier!
I recently called all of my Bridesmaids to get their opiions on a pair of Steve Madden shoes I had found. We had all discussed price points that they were comfortable with and heel height as well. Everyone was positive. My Maid/Matron of Honor even saide she “liked” them. However she then follwed that with this sentance. ” You know I have been thinking a lot lately. I would really like for you to create an Excel spreadhseet for me. I want you to outline every expense that we are going to have to pay for as Bridesmaids. I need to know how much it is going to cost me to be your Bridesmaid!”
Now, I responded by explaining that I could not possibly know how much everything is going to cost yet. We have 12 months before the wedding. Everytime I try to get her to come try on Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses she bails. I did explain that the dress I found was $115 (relativly inexpensive from what I understand) especilly since she drops $400 on dresses all the time! The shoes are $79 and are a style they can wear all the time. She wants me to pay for the BM’s hair and Makeup….which I explained is not happening. I found a woman to do each Bridesmaid or Best Man for $60 (for hair and makeup I thought that was reasonable) So overall….they are paying around $256 to be my Bridesmaids.
I think that is extremely reasonable! Especially since they have 1 year to save up. What pissed me off the most was that she makes it sound like that is an outrageous number…..but remeber that this is the same girl who was ready to drop $500 on a cruise!!!!
I honestly don’t think I want someone like her standing by my side when I say “I Do!”
Am I being unreasonable? Sorry for such a long post….I just needed tovent and wanted to make sure you got most of the information :/
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park
Well, while it seems a bit pricey to some (like college students, or other lifestyles that don’t have a lot of extra income) I think it’s actually on the lower end for bridesmaids. It sounds like your Maid/Matron of Honor is just being a bit selfish, and unfortunately that’s the prevalent attitude these days. It’s seemingly more an inconvenience and less of an honor to be a bridesmaid in our society. And I’ll admit, I’ve bitched enough about it myslef to be honest. $500 for a cruise sounds a heckuva lot more enticing than $265 for a dress and a hairdo and some shoes, you know?
Regardless, she agreed to this, and I think you’re being more than fair. I think the best move to keep the friendship (or whatever she calls it) intact is to ignore her behavior, and spend time with the girls who support you.
Maybe you can give her the option to do her own hair and makeup? I know it’s not a conventional one, but most ladies these days are pretty good at dolling up. And I know if I were in a tight spot (or just depressed at tossing away 60 bucks on a hairstyle that washes out in the morning) I’d appreciate the option to save a few dollars and do it myself.
Post # 4
I agree. and I did giver her and all of the other girls the option of doing their own hair and make up. They all wanted to have a professional do it for them. Everyone was excited that it was only $60. They all go to MAC and have just their makeup done for $50 when they go out….so $60 for hair AND makeup seemed like a deal to them. My MOH is the most well off out of all of the girls and she is the one with the problem. She is fine dropping $400 on a dress for the Grammy’s, $200 on a pair of shoes for Valentine’s Day and she wanted me to pay $3000 for MY makeup and pay $1000 out of my pocket to have all of the BM’s done by the same lady. I think that is ridiculous! She has no bills (Daddy pays for everything for her!!! EVERYTHIGN!!!) So she has no reason to complain about spending $256 to be a Maid of “HONOR”.
I have always know that this was truly a 1 sided friendship. I was 19 with a newborn and dealing with a ton of drama. I was working 4 jobs and supporting myself. Still though, when she called me with a crisis at 1 am. I would take her call and listen and be her support system. I was the only person there for her when she went through her bought with Anorexia, Bullemia, and then they joyous year when she decide to become a druggy. She nearly overdosed and I took the first flight up to San Fran, left my daughter with my Mom….just so I could help my Best Friend get better. I was there for her when she went through many many many more unspeakable problems. I was HER FRIEND. Difference is, she was not there when I found out I was pregnant, had 14 kidney tones, gave birth, or any of the other hurdles I have over come. I called her once when I was haveing a difficult night and needed a friend to talk to and she answered the phone by saying this ” It is 11:30 at night! DON’T CALL ME THIS LATE!!!” and she hung up. I don’t know why it took me this long to realize what a bad friend she is.
I guess I just assumber that after all I had done and all the times I was there for er…..that she could be there for me this one time. I spent more that $250 on my plane ticket up to help her. I flew up for every Birthday and she doesn’t even call on my Birthday….nor has she ever attended a party for me or my daughter.
I made a horrible choice in making her my Maid/Matron of Honor….and I am torn on how to handle. it. I am having dinner with her and anoth Bridesmaid or Best Man tonight….I hope it goes well : ? I feel just sick to my stomach
Post # 5
Oh wow, I’m so sorry you’re in this situation :(. She seems like a really selfish person. Can you have another Bridesmaid or Best Man promoted to co-MOH so that you can have someone in that position who actually cares about you?
Post # 6
Yes….that seem like a great alternative! Thank you!
Post # 7
That sucks that you are in this situation! She honestly does not sound like someone who is deserving of being your Maid/Matron of Honor.
I mean…everyone really kind of agrees to be in a wedding party with the understanding that it’s going to cost some money, right? So for her to be complaining so much really isn’t very nice to you.
I agree with the previous poster! Drop her and promote one of your other bridesmaids!
Post # 8
Yeah. She should know that the bride does not pay for her batchelorette! But I also don’t think you should demand they pay for hair and makeup. If you want them to get it done, you should pay.
Post # 9
@FairytaleEnding: You need to start shifting the Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities to another Bridesmaid or Best Man. Or perhaps fire her? Do you really see the two of you being friends after this wedding? If the wedding is a year away, you’ll save yourself a lot of hassle by NOT having her as your Maid/Matron of Honor.
Truth is, she probably doesn’t realize she’s being like this and by firing her as your Maid/Matron of Honor, I’m sure she’ll learn a valuable lesson….
Post # 10
@Atalanta: She didn’t demand. In fact she offered to let them do it themselves and they declined:
“I agree. and I did giver her and all of the other girls the option of doing their own hair and make up. They all wanted to have a professional do it for them. Everyone was excited that it was only $60.”
Op I’m not sure what to tell you other then to just try and ignore her. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. 🙁
Post # 11
Thank you guys! I am really dissappointed in her. I am going to take some time to figure out a way to deal with it. I do have a year….maybe she will fix her attitude…until then I do have a few other amazing BM’s who are being more than helpful. My Maid/Matron of Honor attitude and negativity seem to trump all of the other’s psotivity though. I hate to give all of the Honor to my Maid/Matron of Honor when she is being the stinker in the bunch : / Time will tell I suppose….fingers crossed dinner tonight goes well :/
Post # 12
@FairytaleEnding:Two things you said really stand out to me:
“I guess I just assumed that after all I had done and all the times I was there for her…..that she could be there for me this one time.”
“I do have a year….maybe she will fix her attitude…”
It seems like you expect a change in her behavior or attitude without an intervention. She may think her behavior is acceptable because she hasn’t been checked on it, for years it seems. Hindsight is 20/20 and you seem to now realize that you shouldn’t have picked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. But at this point you should should tell her that after everything you two have been throough, you need her support during wedding planning and not her criticism. You deserve better! If she isn’t up to the task, then she should walk away from the job. And you can gradually shift Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities to another Bridesmaid or Best Man. I’m sorry that you’re in this situation, it sounds awful. It’s good you have other BMs around you. Good luck!
Post # 13
@FairytaleEnding: Wow she sounds like a TERRIBLE friend… I’m so sorry. Maybe you should just drop her?
Post # 14
@FairytaleEnding: oh wow…. I had a similar post about a month ago and I can completely understand how you feel. Have you tried talking it all over with her before giving her the boot? That was my plan of action but it didn’t go over so well! I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this… I really hope things turn around for you.