- 7 months ago
Some of you may remember my original post from a few months’ back when I was explaining how anxious I was about moving across the country with my boyfriend without being engaged yet. I deleted my post because I felt a little overwhelmed at the replies, some of which were snarky, telling me he was taking me for a ride, that it’d never happen, that I was basically stupid for giving up my job for a man who wasn’t committed etc.
I just wanted to update some of you with a little perspective. I took the leap, and it paid off: 7 weeks after we arrived, he proposed.
It turned out that because I was SO anxious about the move, he decided it was too risky for hin to propose beforehand in case I moved, hated it and left. This is key for him and his line of work as we will be moving a lot during his career (next move in 9 months!). We went on a 2-week road trip before the move and I honestly was hoping it would happen then, but he really opened up and explained that he just wanted to make sure I was ok with the move. Obviously I did try to explain that I would be way less anxious about it if we were actually engaged before we moved… but it was just a catch-22 situation and he had made his mind up. Little did I know the date he proposed was the date he’d picked in his mind way back in the summer by which if I was still with him in the new city etc then he was good to go and confident I was in it for the long run. We’re very loving and I’ve always made it clear how committed I am to him, but I think many men need ‘proof’ and facts before their eyes before they take such big leaps.
I decided I had nothing to lose by moving but did make it very clear that I expected a proposal by Christmas if I was going to make this sacrifice. And I still don’t have a job: as I predicted, my line of work here is sparse and while I am re-training one day a week for my new line of work, setting up will take time (have to be qualified first).
Something that probably really brought us together was that unexpectedly, the accommodation his employer provided was completely unacceptable and he really felt he had let me down. It had a tip outside the front, abandoned cars, it was dirty, dangerous (won’t bore you with gas safety details) but through it all until we found a new place I stuck by him. I was upset, and he kept saying I should go and stay with my parents while he sorted it out, but we made it work. It was hard: we had all our things in storage and only the clothes we’d had on our holiday. It was in a horrible area with no local shops or anything to do. Driving somewhere nice cost money to park that we didn’t have. I think he really recognised how difficult it was for me and felt an immense sense of responsibility towards me.
When he did propose, he planned an amazing night away somewhere I had made reference to before, and the ring is perfect. I had dropped hints, and he listened and it was even better than I could have imagined and so almost the right size. He wanted to totally surprise me.
I guess I just wanted to say that sometimes it IS worth taking a leap for someone as long as you remain feeling like you are in control of your own life. Do I regret the times I got upset with him? Sure. But on the flip side, I WAS frustrated, and I DID have valid feelings. What I’ve done is, in my opinion, a huge commitment to him and he recognised that.