- 7 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
Well, I had the talk with the Fiance about the issues. I cant say it went well. When he got home that afternoon she had another outburst/tantrum whatever you want to call it. The kids were all playing and because they didnt want to do what she wanted to do, she kicked over their blocks and then came crying saying they all hated her. Of course he wanted to baby her but I stepped in and said stop whining 1. Because no one can understand what you saying and I dont listen to kids who whine. 2. Unless you act sensible I am not going to listen to anything you say. 3. When you are done I am going to ask all the kids to come out and ask exactly what happened. If you are lying then there is going to be a punishment. The Fiance started to say something and I put my hand up.
So late that evening we went to dinner. I asked Fiance if he had had her tested for other issues besides ADHD. He said why. I said well there seems to be things going on that have nothing to do with ADHD. He said like what. So I started listing things I was concerned about. The always need for attention, the everyone hates me and no one cares about me, the lying and getting the other kids in trouble.
Fiance says well she has been in counseling for 5 years, and she has been tested for everything and they didnt find anything. I said how long ago was that. He said three years ago. I said well maybe you need to get her retested just to update things. Also I said I would like to go to her therapy sessions and speak with the therapist after each session. He said why. I said well I would like to know how she is doing and also maybe address some of these issues.
While Im talking about all of this he wont even look me in the eyes. He is looking around the restaurant and paying attention to his food. He has never out and out not listened to something I have said.
I was trying to be patient but I was losing him and I knew it. So I lost my temper and raised my voice just a little bit. I said look, if your not willing to address this issue I dont think my kids and I can go on. I also said you need to think about your other daughter and what she is missing out on because her sister demands every moment of every day.
He didnt say anything and we actually finished our meal and left. On the way home he says well I will talk to her and start being more pro active in correcting her when she does something wrong. I explained that was great but what happens when that doesnt work. FI said well lets see if it does work.
I said I would try that first with him backing me up, for a certain amount of time, after that I wanted full access to her therapist and everything thats going on. He said no at first that I wasnt her parent and couldnt possibly understand. I may not have lost my mother but I do know what its like to deal with someone who has mental illness and loss.
So the next day the kids are at the pool, everyone is swimming when his daughter intentionally starts pushing kids under the water and sitting on them so they can get up. Well she grabbed my son and sat on him and he couldnt come up for air, so he kicked her to get her off him. She started screaming that she hadnt done anything and that he kicked her on purpose. She started screaming for Fiance to punish my son and for the first time ever he pulled her out of the pool and made her sit. She wasnt allowed to get back in the pool. She had to sit the entire time. She started to whine and cry about no one loving her, well I turned right around and looked at her and said, people treat others the way they wanted to be treated. If you are mean to others they will be mean to you. She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted but she sat there and when she got loud I just told her that no one is going to pay attention until you act correctly.
So thats where it stands now. Also before any action is taken with the other children, all stories will be heard and if she is caught lying she will not only get in trouble for causing trouble but for the lying as well.
Its a start hopefully.