- 8 years ago
So here’s an update people.
Since I last wrote, we went out to watch friends play in a band. Or rather he went over his friends’ house early and decided not to come to our other friends’ who we’d agreed to go with.
When I arrived, he didn’t speak to me for half an hour and spent the time chatting with this fiancée of one of the boys who just loves to flirt with everyone.
After half an hour he came over to me and gave me a kiss and said hey then we drifted apart again. Most of the night I didn’t see him but he was with this girl for most of it. I decided to go up to him and put my arm around him and asked what they were all up to and he carried on talking to her and barely acknowledged me. He turned his back on me to carry on talking to her so I walked away feeling like an idiot. After that my friend whom I went with said she was going home so I decided it was time to go too and went to tell him. I said I’d felt blanked and that he was still angry so I was going and then he got mad. He asked me to go to a party with him but I said I was done for the evening and asked if he wanted to come with me. Then he shouted and said fine f*** off home then. Which I did because I was angry he’d shouted in public. I slept in the spare room.
I tried to patch it up in the morning and he yelled at me saying I’d still been pi**ed from the night before and that he’d purposely avoided me all night because he didn’t want to talk to me. He was shouting saying he couldn’t trust me (?) and that I’m never happy with him and that there’s always a problem. I approached him wrong the other night and apparently just told him the engagement was off (so not true, I was trying to ease the situation). I was cross but didn’t raise my voice, I said I was tired of his anger and escalating everything into an argument, that I was trying to resolve our ‘situation’ because I was starting to feel unhappy with people constantly asking how excited we are to be engaged, what our plans are etc when he keeps avoiding everything. He just got madder and madder – I got annoyed and questioned what man behaves like that just calm down. Then he stood up over me, grabbed his shoes and threatened to ‘smash me in the face if I didn’t f**k off’. I went upstairs and cried for a while.
I then took the ring downstairs and said that I refuse to be engaged to somebody who can treat me like that and that I was disappointed and disgusted with his behaviour. Later on he came back upstairs and said if we’re incompatible then we need to split up. I told him to get out.
Later on he asked me what I want to do now. I was still seething at being made to flinch in my own home. I told him I have nothing more to say. He apologised later and said he felt gutted he’d made me scared.
Bees, I’ve written all this because I’ve been awake all night, I feel confused and don’t understand what I’m supposed to do.
From his point of view I feel he has been avoidant the last month but apologised for it Friday night which made me feel resentful as he has been insistent there is nothing wrong. I feel that me suggesting we slow things down and put things on hold was perceived as rejection by him which made him mad. He said he feels like I’m threatening him with breaking up if he doesn’t behave the way I want him to.
From my point of view, I was upset after Friday night and a little withdrawn. He asked on Saturday what was up so I told him. I tried to talk it out but he refused. I was a little standoffish when we arrive to watch the band i.e. I just didn’t make a fuss of him. Perhaps I should have made more effort and we could have had a nice night. Perhaps I shouldn’t have left, but I was scared it might escalate again.
I’m sorry it’s so long. I’m feeling so confused and would appreciate any feedback from people on what to do next.
Our lease is up next month so we have to either leave or sign for a year. I’m wondering if I should be the one to instigate a breakup as it appears that yes maybe he’s not really that into me but is never going to instigate things himself. Or I’m wondering whether I should try making him go to counselling.