(Closed) **UPDATE** Starting to wonder if we should have got engaged :-(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

“Making” him go to counseling isn’t going to work. If he isn’t completely willing and wanting to work on the relationship, therapy is useless. Do you think he would want to go? 

Post # 4
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think it’s really important that couples fight in a respectful manner. This post is quite the opposite, it reminded me of fights I had in high school. I can’t believe that he would ignore you and go off with another girl, much less in public. Have you guys always fought like this or is it just recently? 

Post # 6
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

it seems like he is treating you badly to make you break up with him because he is too much of a coward to end things himself.  i think you should move out and find your own place. 

he will either miss you and realize what a complete idiot he’s been or he’ll keep his distance.  

either way i am predicting you will realize you are worth more and deserve better and eventually will not think of him at all.

Post # 8
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@weeble78:  can i ask how old you are?  i’m 28 and i have had “the one” feelings about more than one guy.  i was always wrong before because i’d never had anyone who treated me as well as Fiance.  he is my best friend and i’ve never once been afraid he’d cheat on me or hurt me physically or say horrible things to me.

i’m sorry i was so blunt, i should have known better.  it was never that easy for me.  as the saying goes, easier said than done. 

i do think it will help if you take a step back and spend a few days apart.  can you go spend a few days with your parents, or sibling or friend? it might help gain a bit of perspective.

 

Post # 9
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If he’s threatening to “smash you in the face”, then I don’t think that’s a very healthy relationship at all. I think you need to at least take a break for now, if not call the whole thing off.

Post # 10
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

He doesn’t value you. Sorry, but that appears to be the truth. I hope you reconsider this so called “man” and realize that you deserve to be treated with respect and love. You can’t marry someone expecting they will change or improve, or thinking that you or marriage is the cure for your problems. I’ve also had “he’s the one” feeling at least 3 times before meeting my TRUE “one”. Like someone else mentioned, I never doubt that he’ll hurt me, cheat on me, or treat me like crap in public. It’s just not that kind of relationship and he’s just not that type of man. DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE. DON’T TELL YOURSELF YOU CAN’T DO ANY BETTER THAN THIS.

xoxo

 

Post # 11
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@weeble78:  I went back and read all of your posts and I’m sorry, but your Fiance is emotionally and verbally abusive. You need to leave him because that’s never going to change, he doesn’t deserve you.

Please don’t stay just because you’re scared of being on your own. Too many women stay because they would rather put up with shit then start all over again, but you will only end up being miserable and in debt from a nasty divorce (possibly with your future children in tow, which is not fair on them either.)

Be honest – if you were in your early 20s would you leave?? I only ask this because I know a lot of women in their 30s who stay in bad relationships because they feel like their biological clock is ticking… And that is a very, very bad reason to stay…

HUGS.

 

Post # 12
Member
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hun, he threatened to HURT you.

This is NOT a good person, or even a safe person for you to be around.

 

I am so, so sorry you are going through all this.

Post # 13
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Just sounds like a fight. Him making u flinch is NOT ok – but I think u guys just need to kiss & make up. If he does it again, kick him to the kerb. If u haven’t got kids already I’d suggest u really drill it into him that verbal abuse is NOT acceptable, especially in front of children and you won’t have babies in an abusive relationship. That should give him something to think about

Post # 14
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

Just repeating this in case the other posters missed it, because it sounds like a recoverable fight until:

Then he stood up over me, grabbed his shoes and threatened to ‘smash me in the face if I didn’t f**k off’.  

A good piece of advice:  be the woman you’d want your daughter to be.  Would you want your daughter getting threatened to get her face smashed in?  Also, violence escalates, what’s a threat today can easily become a reality tomorrow.  You never hold a gun to someone unless you’re prepared to pull the trigger.  This one is not salvagable.  Leave.

Post # 15
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Leave him. I know it won’t be easy but you have to do it. He’s violent and you don’t deserve to be treated this way. Get out now.

Post # 16
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with some of the previous posters.  The moment I got to the line where you said he threatened to smash your face in, I realized there is no hope for this guy.  You need to leave ASAP before things get worse.  No real man would ever dream of saying something like that to a woman.

The topic ‘**UPDATE** Starting to wonder if we should have got engaged :-(’ is closed to new replies.

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