(Closed) **UPDATE** Starting to wonder if we should have got engaged :-(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have been where you are now and yes even DID leave him 

And yes did go back too, only to RUN away the last time!! But I know that no matter how much you love him will NOT make him love YOU.. And no he does not love you.  It’s hard to accept that we are in a ‘one-sided’ relationship but we cannot change others to be who we want them to be.   Mine DID escalate to violence and I’m truly lucky to still be here to tell the tale. So please don’t listen to just your heart right now but rather your Head.. Because YOUR LIFE is worthy of a man that treats you with love and respect.  

And yes I did after a few years find a man that treats me with unconditional love 

Many hugs to you

Post # 18
2892 posts
Sugar bee

Yes, he needs to go to counseling…alone…single…without you. He threatened violence against you. You shouldn’t be going to counseling to turn him into a partner that is capable of not attacking you (physically, verbally, or emotionally). You should be leaving him to find someone who can treat you right naturally – and they’re out there. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time but this isn’t healthy.

Post # 19
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

He threatened you. I don’t know if you’re too close to the situation to see this clearly, but he threatened you. That is not normal, “every couple has bad fights sometimes” behavior. Healthy couples NEVER have violence or the threat of it be a part of their relationship.

If you stay with him, his behavior is only going to get worse. I’m begging you, please leave him. You can do so, so, so much better.

Post # 20
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

He threatened to harm you – please, please reconsider being with this man in case that threat turns into a reality. You deserve someone who, even in their highest state of anger, still treats you with respect. Take care & good luck.

Post # 21
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@AlwaysSunny:  Ah! This this this! No man (or woman for that matter) should lose their temper to the point of threatening bodily harm against their loved one. I have to admit that my husband and I have never fought, BUT  when we have disagreements we always keep in a calm and talk to eachother never yell. I think that his reactions were red flags and while I think it could be worked on, I’m not sure he would be willing to work on it. I’m so sorry this is happening to you and wish you all the best. I know its a hard decision to make, but if it were me I’d move into a different place and take a break from him so he can kind of go back to square one and so can you. *hugs* No one should ever threaten you…ever.

Post # 22
3216 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

OP, get out.  The longer you stay, the less time you have to find someone who treats you right.

Post # 23
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Leave. I would never stay with any man who threatened to physically hurt me. You just don’t do that. I left my ex because he frequently threatened to shoot me or anyone (even friends!!!) who came over. 

Post # 24
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I went back and read your posts…frankly, it really doesn’t paint the picture of a happy, loving relationship.

He is threatening you, not celebrating getting engaged to you, and just generally acting like a dick.

You are flip flopping…first you pressured him to get engaged, then a few weeks later told him you want to slow down? You’ve probably got the guy’s head spinning.

Honestly, the threatening you is bad enough, but when added to his behaviour as a whole, and the fact that he broke up with you VERY shortly before you got engaged….it’s not looking so good. I think you need to seriously re-evaluate things here. I think you both need counselling, and if he isn’t wiling to go then I don’t see much of a future here.

Post # 25
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

“threatened to ‘smash me in the face if I didn’t f**k off’.”- I would be running for the hills with this one.

He’s acting like a child, he won’t go to counseling, he THREATENS you…this doesn’t bode well. 

View original reply
@sara_tiara:  You said it perfectly- frankly, it really doesn’t paint the picture of a happy, loving relationship.

Post # 26
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It looks like he’s trying to get you to break up with him be because he is too big of a jerk and coward to do it himself- not so surprisingly, the same traits he’s showing when fighting with you. 

Ignoring you all night?Turning his back on you? Yelling and cursing at you? You deserve a man who will treat you like a queen and want you to be happy. This guy clearly does not.

Even after you both slept and cooled down, he still isn’t begging you to stay!! He basically led your conversation to the break up point.

I know you must be very upset and hurt but trust me, you deserve so much better, you really do. 

Post # 27
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m sorry I agree with the PP.  Threatening behaviour is not acceptable and you do not have to put up with it.  I know it will be hard but this relationship sounds as if it’s a bit unhealthy as it is.  Maybe some distance would do you both good, let him appreciate what he’s lost and let you build your esteem again.  You deserve to be happy, and you don’t sound happy…

Post # 28
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

“Then he stood up over me, grabbed his shoes and threatened to ‘smash me in the face if I didn’t f**k off’.  I went upstairs and cried for a while”

I would be running, not walking in the other direction. Yes, he probably need lots of therapy, and with time may be able to become a more calm and loving person but right now hes not. And seems like he doesn’t have much interest in doing so any time soon. Plus, can you really live with someone who threatens to do horrific acts of violence….I wouldn’t be taking that lightly.

Post # 29
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Get out now.  I know sometimes it seems better to deal with the devil you know and I know it’s scary to be single again, but BELIEVE ME there are better men out there and you can’t meet a good man when you’re with a jerk.

Post # 30
11266 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@weeble78:  do you really want to spend your life with someone who threatened to ‘smash me in the face if I didn’t f**k off’.

i am thinking/hoping no.  there’s your answer.  you know wholeheartedly that you deserve someone more caring and loving.  don’t settle.  you’re still young.  the right guy is out there for you.  he is not the one. 

whatever you do, don’t sign another lease with him.  find another roommate or a place of your own.

Post # 31
1456 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I went back and read most of your previous threads and posts. Are you even happy? He doesn’t seem happy at all, and you seem like you’re walking on eggshells around him. I don’t think you’ve posted one positive or happy thing about him or your relationship. I know weddingbee posts are just a tiny snapshot of your lives, but jeez lady, you couldn’t PAY me to live with (let alone marry) someone as whiny, pissy, and violent as your Fiance.

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