Sorry, hon, but my advice from before still stands with the extra information:
I would never, ever stay with someone who threatened to “smash (my) face in”. I don’t care if he was angry, or frustrated, or that he did not actually do it, that is violence against you. You have the right to feel safe in your relationship and in your home, period. There is absolutely NO excuse, ever, for your partner threatening violence against you. Ever. Unless that violence was having to rapidly shove you out of the way of a runaway car. Your Fiance on the other hand is the SOURCE of that violence. Not okay. Ever.
It is also COMPLETELY disrespectful to ignore you at a social event, and actively ignore you, and not even bother to introduce you or include you in the conversation in any way. I had an ex do crap like that too, many years ago, when he was “pissed at me”. Let me say, there is a good reason he is an ex and I have never regretted that! Your Fiance is emotionally manipulative and abusive. He knows darn well what he is doing, and I am sure he also blames you for being too sensitive or who knows what else. All part of his “game”. Add on the yelling at you for bringing up issues, for wanting him to participate in the relationship, this man is NOT a partner. He may not be that into you, he may just want a very shallow relationship, who knows, but YOU should be expecting more for yourself and realizing you are not going to find it with him.
I am very close to your age, maybe a year or so younger, and I will say that this is way more drama, and way more “fight” and frustration than I would ever, ever accept at this time in my life. If I wanted to date a teenage boy, aside from the legal ramifications of it, I would. I know plenty of teenage boys who are more emotionally mature and respectful and loving than this! As I said before, it does not need to be so hard. It really doesn’t, and it really should not be. It is not going to get “better” with him. This is as good as it gets and quite frankly this is not good enough.
Somewhat aside from my previous advice because everything you described sounds toxic and unhealthy anyway, but as for counseling, who cares if his family is military? My husband had a 13 year career in the military and he is very pro-counseling, and went on his own even. He is definitely “manly” and personally I find it much more “manly” to be willing to explore yourself a little more than just playing an image, or threatening his partner, and dealing with issues the way YOUR Fiance is. He has many other peers who have gone, whether it is for individual reasons, for marriage reasons, or post-traumatic issues. And he does not need to TELL his family he is going. If they are that against personal growth and responsibility, well, they are missing out I guess.
That being said, I think you need to go to counseling BY YOURSELF, period. Your Fiance is emotionally and verbally abusive and manipulative and that is NOT a good environment to start counseling in with a partner and I don’t know any good therapist who will agree to couples counseling where there is this kind of abuse happening. I think you need to talk to a counselor to talk about how to leave this situation safely, and about working on your own self-esteem that keeps you accepting so very little for yourself.