- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2009
As so many prior posters have suggested, what you have described is not a good, positive, healthy, mature, mutually fulfilling relationshp.
I am sorry that you’re going through all of this, but I am very thankful to hear that you are not yet married to this guy and that your lease is up and you will not have to continue to live with him.
This is not the type of relationship that should lead to marriage. This is the type of relationship that needs to end so that you will be free from someone who is not good for you and so that you both will have the opportunity to learn and grow from this experience and to make some positive changes in your lives, if you both individually choose to do so.
Please do NOT stay with a man who is not good for you simply becauase you don’t want to be alone and have never met anyone else you would ever consider marrying. I have never been in this type of a relationship, but I’ve been in relationships that were not good for me for one reason or another, and I had to learn to walk away, even though I had no idea when I would eventually meet the right person.
Despite having some guys who expressed interest in dating me, I spent almost all of my 30s and some of my 40s as a single woman, because I did not meet anyone during those years whom I thought would be the right kind of husband. Although I ideally would have liked to have been married by then, I discovered that being on my own had many wonderful benefits. I was able to truly focus on other things that were highly important to me, such as growing in my relationship with God, developing my relationships with amazing friends, exploring opportunities for being involved with ministries in my church, putting my time and energy into my challenging and rewarding career, purchasing and decorating my own home, having the resources and flexibility to dine out often and travel to exciting places, etc.
Even though you have a particular vision for your future, please do not hold onto this man and this unhealthy relationship simply because you are afraid of walking away. So often, we tend to prefer the pain we already know (in this case, the unhealthy relationship) vs. the pain we fear (in this case, being alone and not knowing if or when you may meet someone else.) However, that’s like not going to the dentist when you have a bad tooth that is causing a toothache. It may hurt to have the tooth fixed or pulled, but, soon after, you’ll feel much better, and, eventually, you’ll be fine. If you never go to the dentist, however, the problem with the tooth will never resolve on its own. It will continue to cause pain, further decay, and a host of other problems that you hadn’t even considered while you were just trying to ignore the tooth.
I know that this is very hard and very painful, but try to look at your situation as an OPPORTUNITY for you to make some very positive changes in your life rather than a terribly sad ending of a relationship that you are afraid to relinquish. You CAN have a better life and a better future, but YOU have to CHOOSE that. Finally, realize that you cannot choose a better future for your Fiance. This is something that only HE can do, and only when he is ready to do it.
I wish you the best!