(Closed) *Update* Stop comparing my wedding to yours!!!!!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you shouldn’t worry about it so much.  I completely understand why you’re upset, and FSIL’s comments seem petty and unnecessary, but based on what you said, it doens’t sound too much like Future Mother-In-Law was trying to make you uncomfortable or to make a jab at you.  I think if Future Mother-In-Law typically takes jabs at you, that would be a different story, but just based on this, I think you could let it go.

Post # 4
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I agree, I honestly think she’s trying to help and doesn’t mean it as judgement. She may account for her money differently or really want you to get married to her son. She may be afraid that you’ll have to postpone the wedding and was probably trying to tell you that it is okay to rent for a year or use house money if you need to. I know it wasn’t well received, but she was probably trying to help.

Post # 5
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

 I think you are overthinking it. She probably is trying to be helpful, just not very tactful;)  And I don’t think SIL was jabbing at all.. if you are both planning weddings and your Mother-In-Law is sitting there discussing yours.. of course she’ll want to talk about hers. I just got done with mine and money is a HUGE topic.. and getting to the point of only owing a bit is exciting to talk about! Especially with your mom!

Sounds like you are having an extremely high budget wedding… maybe they’re concerned about the amounts you are planning to spend and want to make sure you will have enough?


Either way, let it roll off of your back… it’s not a big deal.

Post # 6
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with people that you shouldn’t let this bother you too much, but some advice for next time…you felt uncomfortable and you should have said as much. You could have said to her, “I can’t remember the exact numbers, let me get back to you.” Or asked her to step out of the room and talk about it privately. That may be awkward to say in front of your Future Sister-In-Law, so perhaps (because as I understand it, you have a pretty good relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law so you should be open and honest with her) the best thing is to go back to her and say, “I am really uncomfortable talking about money in front of other people like Future Sister-In-Law. I trust you and am ok discussing with you, but going forward, can we keep money matters between us?” Until you tell her it’s bothering you, she can’t fix it!

Post # 7
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I understand why you’re annoyed because your Future Mother-In-Law reminds me of mine a LOT…mine also likes to ‘suggest’ that I do things a certain way, and when I give her a perfectly logical explanation for why we are not doing it that way, she’ll make some comment (like the “that’s it?”) and do her little laugh, followed by her reiterating that her way is better. From an outside perspective it doesn’t seem like a big deal. From the perspective of someone who deals with it all the freaking time and knows darn well how my Mother-In-Law operates, it makes me want to scream! She is used to everyone else in the family, especially her daughter, doing everything she says, because she’s mom and she knows best – even when the issue at hand has absolutely nothing to do with her. And the suggestions of the way she thinks we should do things are constant, and are always snarky, like my and DH’s way is just dumb. And she most often does this with topics involving money, but also with the best way to raise our dog (says the lady who half of her dogs have died in completely preventable accidents), what houses we can and can’t buy, etc.

I know it’s hard, but what has helped my sanity is to just not even really answer her. If she tells you the way she thinks you should do something, give her a non-committal comment just to show you were listening, “We’ll think about that” or “Uh-huh” or a head nod or whatever. Then change the subject. If she asks something personal about finances, say you’ve just got so many numbers floating around in your head right now from different vendors and payments, you don’t recall the exact amount, you have a system at home to keep track and you’ve got it under control.

Post # 9
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would try not to get too upset by this. I don’t think she was trying to be mean. She was probably trying to help. And, in the future, if you don’t want to talk about it just say that. You can even use the excuse of being overwhelmed with wedding stuff: “Ugh, I feel like this wedding is taking over me life, can we talk about something else?

Post # 12
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think it’s unavoidable.  My friends all had opinions about each other’s wedding choices, and they weren’t shy about voicing them.  The guests and bridal party should just worry about showing up,  having an awesome time, and leaving the money issues to the people who are paying.  Unless you asked for her advice, or it’s her money that’s paying for it, I don’t think your Future Mother-In-Law needs to know how much you’ve paid or not paid at this point.  You’re an adult.

As far as paying your vendors, I would hang on to your money as long as you can.  It’s the concept of the time-value of money.  Why pay your vendors sooner than you have to, when your money is worth a lot more to you in your bank account than it is in your vendors’ pockets.  It sounds like you know when your payment deadlines are, you’ve planned it so that you can afford payments as they are due, and you’re the one who gets to decide how to earmark your money.  Paying for everything really far in advance isn’t likely going to affect how enjoyable your wedding is.  Just do your thing and tell the nosy folks you’ve got it under control.  Because you do. 😉


Post # 14
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I was having the same situation too. My Future Sister-In-Law would question what we have or what have we done, then start with her comments since he wedding is 3 months before ours. Now I just say, ” Oh I haven’t decided that yet” orleaflet me check and I will get back to you.” It has stopped a lot of unnecessary comments.

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