(Closed) Update… the boyfriend who views marriage as a prison sentence

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
215 posts
Helper bee

He sounded like a jerk in your last post and still sounds like a jerk based on how he reacted!

You’ve done something amazing for yourself. You’re brave and clearly vey intelligent. One day, you’ll find someone who is as brave and smart enough to realize how powerful a person you are.

Hang in there, and you’re going to be awesome!

Post # 3
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Yup so made the right choice! He’s now throwing a bit of a tantrum better he didn’t get his own way.

Congratulations on the new job and all the exciting opportunities ahead of you.

Post # 4
6876 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
joanne1992 :  good for you. I didn’t read that thread but from what you wrote here, you are well rid of him and not just because of the marriage part. He does want to blame you for his problems, clearly doesn’t want to admit he had a hand in it. There is nothing wrong with being incompatible, but he’s being a selfish baby. Good luck and have fun!

Post # 5
6930 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
joanne1992 :  I am so so so proud of you! You sound so smart and level-headed. You definitely made the right choice! Your EX is being an ass. I know it’s hard now but it will get better. You’re still young and have so much life to look forward to!

Post # 6
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m so glad you took the job! You definitely made the right decision!

Post # 7
7800 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I am absolutely delighted for you! You’ve made the right decision, and you know that. Enjoy your trip – you deserve it! – and enjoy your new life in London. I am betting that you won’t even miss him in fairly short order. He has completely put aside your desires and your happiness and demonstrated that he will not compromise. You cannot realistically build a life with someone like that as a partner. Despite what his ex has done, he knows that not all women are the same, but he’s chosen to villify you for no reason. You’re right that he would have never married you or even fully appreciated what you had done for him had you stayed.

Post # 8
3231 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
joanne1992 :   He is a selfish ass, you have done the right thing.  Don’t allow him to suck you back in. He will try because he liked what he had. He got everything he wanted, while *you* made all the sacrifices/ compromises and received no thanks or even acknowledgment of them!   Have no doubt that once you had the child he wanted, he would be someday criticizing you as he does his other baby mamma…. he’s an ass hat!      I’m proud of you for taking that job and taking care of yourself. 

Post # 9
3051 posts
Sugar bee

Good for you for valuing youself and making the right (but difficult) choice.

It also sounds like he’s being a bit childish and whining about how unfair it is that you won’t confirm to his lifeplan. 

Post # 10
140 posts
Blushing bee

Giving up your life in your home country and moving abroad for someone else to start from scratch is such a big decision. It amazes me that he couldn’t appreciate this and passes this off as no big deal.

He obviously knows how much this means to you and yet is willing to throw it all away because he cannot compromise. Seems like you made the right decision.

I hope you have a lovely, relaxing holiday in SE Asia. Take care ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
84 posts
Worker bee

If he loved you that much he would propose.  But if you loved him that much you would have a family with him without marriage.  You both have dealbreakers that won’t allow you to move forward together.  You feel that he is the one who should budge and he feels the same. 

Good for you for taking this new job in London…good luck!

Just know that the resentment you would feel if you stayed in France and lived with him as domestic partners is probably the same resentment he will feel if he feels forced into a proposal to keep you.

Post # 12
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

You’re incredible. Well done on your amazing steps. Your life is your own, your principals are important and you deserve support and equality in your relationship. 

Enjoy every bit of your freedom! 

Post # 13
1388 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Good on you. He only wanted YOU to make sacrifices, never him. And after doing everything you could for him, he wouldn’t do the ONE thing you wanted. I’m glad you stood your ground!

Go enjoy your trip around Asia and being back home with friends/family while making all the money and leave him behind for good.

Post # 14
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

What an awful person. He’s twisting everything against you when HES THE PROBLEM. If he loved you enough he would marry you, even if he was against it. He’d do it to make you happy, because your happiness should be his priority. It obviously isn’t. Let him go, enjoy your fabulous vacation, and your new job!! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ Everything happens for a reason. Your mr.Right is waiting for you!

Post # 15
550 posts
Busy bee

Good for you. The very fact that he felt the need to put all the “blame” on you for the break up speaks VOLUMES about who is is. You’re going to meet and marry a guy who actually deserves you, and will be so thankful you had the strength to leave this jerk!

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