Update… the boyfriend who views marriage as a prison sentence

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 481
Member
4673 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Lol he’s so heartbroken that he went to Ibiza , probably drank a lot , and had some hookups. Then he comes back and is lonely and calls up reliable-always there-you.

He doesn’t want to marry you, he is just using you and abusing you. Don’t cry another single tear over him.

Go to Asia and have fun. Quit pitying yoirself!

Post # 482
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

And hope he doesn’t turn up in Asia to ruin your holiday, though probably not as he seems to expect you to make all the effort. 

Post # 483
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

A person hasn’t “changed” just because their sex drive isn’t the same as it once was, and the fact that he keeps saying that shows he just thought of you as a young sexpot and a baby-making factory. 

Enjoy your trip. And for the love of all that is holy, block his ass and never look back. Nothing you have said has given any indication that you need this shitbag in your life. He has been (and still is) holding you back in everyway. Be free.

Post # 484
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

So, I hope you aren’t even reading this because you’re on your way to Thailand and are about to have a life-changing vacation.

IF this man ever agrees to marry you and this is a GIGANTIC IF, here’s how I predict it’ll go: 

He says that he’s thinking of proposing if the relationship gets “repaired” (meaning you conform to all of his wishes and don’t make any “mistakes.”)

Every time you fight, he says ” I was really thinking of proposing, but you’re showing such a negative side of yourself.” (Again, it’s all your fault.)

He pesters you to get pregnant and maybe even messes with your birth control.

Then, after maybe five years, he proposes in a decidedly unromatic way. You try to set a date, but he stalls, saying he’s still “unsure” of the stability of the relationship because you keep pressuring him to set a date. Why can’t you just be happy being engaged? All of the rugby girlfriends seem happy. Hell, they even let their boyfriends go on guys’ weekends, three times a month! You’re so rigid and old-fashioned.

It’s now been seven years and still no wedding. But he’s pressured you into two kids. You birthed the last one when he was 37 and he blames you for making him an “old father.”

But honestly, even if he did marry you, would you want to be married to someone who controls everything and makes you feel like shit if you have an opinion or a goal that doesn’t align with his vision? Even if you get your marriage, you’ll never get happiness with this guy. You’ll be living his life, not a joint one.

Post # 485
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

sarah156 :  She mentioned a while back she was on a girls holiday and he just turned up to “surprise” her.    Wouldn’t be suprised if he did show up on this Asian get away.  

Post # 486
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

1) Say this the next time he insists on talking:

2) Have a fabulous life without this sorry excuse for manhood. 

Post # 488
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

clec :  I hope so too, but in her frame of mind I wouldn’t be suprised if she did tell him where she is staying.   Hope she proves me wrong.

Post # 489
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

Wow, this guy is a real piece of work.  I really hope you are on the way to live it up on your trip and won’t contact him once.  The fact that he claims he can’t wait for you until July because he needs to have kids soon is just unreal. 

Post # 490
Member
10568 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

emmalicious :  

Well, OP could probably find someone worse, if she really put her mind to it.  

Of course, she would have to stand out in front of a prison on wait for whatever comes out.

Post # 491
Member
746 posts
Busy bee

Op, I was randomly thinking of you the other day…. how was your trip?

Post # 492
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Good for you!!

Post # 493
Member
3217 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

You made the right choice. He is being incredibly selfish and doesn’t seem to have any interest in prioritising the things that are important to you. That does not make for a good partner. You were absolutely right to acknowledge and accept that you will resent him over time and you will not be happy if you started a family with him. 

Relationships are about compromise and about prioritising one another, and it seems to me that in this particular relationship that was very one-sided. 

To put it in perspective, my now-fiance doesn’t really care about getting married and if it were entirely up to him he wouldn’t bother. He is much more interested in making sure that our relationship is healthy, happy and fulfilling and he doesn’t need a wedding and paperwork to validate that. HOWEVER, I do want to get married and he knows that it is important to me. So we are getting married. He has decided that having me as his partner in this life is far more important to him than saving the money and time that we will put into the wedding. He certainly doesn’t view it as a prison sentence – he just doesn’t see it as necessary. I feel like the fact that your Boyfriend or Best Friend felt like it was a prison sentence is very telling. He wants the benefits of being in a long term relationship without ever having to put in the effort to make you his priority. A good partner will take JOY in making you a priority.

You deserve better and you will find better. Good luck and have an amazing time on your trip!!!

Post # 494
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee

I was scrolling through Bee and suddenly remembered this thread that I followed with interest. Just getting it back up in case OP has an post trip update.

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