Update… the boyfriend who views marriage as a prison sentence

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 496
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

hyacinthandlavender :  I would not get my hopes up if I were you because I felt this girl was in denial and there’s a good chance she gets back together with her boyfriend who will never marry her 🙁

Post # 497
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

caligirlinmichigan :  I totally agree.   I was once in a relationship like that where the guy wanted to be with me one minute and not want to be with me the next.    He didn’t want to give a title to our relationship be it friends, FWBs, BF/GF.    I stayed with that guy for around 18 months and I was prepared to be a FWB with him if I couldn’t be his official girlfriend.  It took me those last three months to see it was going no where.  I too was young around 22/23.  I didn’t want to waste my time on him.  

  I can see my younger self in the OP.   I wouldn’t be suprised if she took him back and is resigning her fate to be his girlfriend for another 5 years.   I wouldn’t even laugh at the idea that she gets pregnant to him because she loves him and will not throw away those 5 years.  

Post # 498
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

You made the right decision.. he sounds extremely selfish and also kind of manipulative, trying to twist things and put the blame on you. Hang in there Bee!

Post # 499
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

joanne1992 :  Please come back and update us with what happened. I hope you had a wonderful time in Asia and your new job is going well.

Post # 501
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am so happy to read this update (minus the job being made redudant)

It sounds like you have fallen on your feet and are starting to feel like you can move forward with you life.

Tell us more about this date 🙂 sounds like fun. where are you going?

It is good that the contact is slowing – it might pick up again if he thinks there is a new man on the scene so I’d keep that to myself for now if I were you.

Post # 502
Member
6502 posts
Bee Keeper

What a great update, Bee! Congratulations on landing your dream job! 

You will make your way back to visit the south of France one day–with your husband and perhaps even your children. 

Post # 503
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

joanne1992 :  YASSSSSSSSS!!!!!! This update made me happy. Thanks for taking the time!

Post # 504
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Wonderful update! So happy for you! Good luck on your date and at your new job! 

Post # 505
Hostess
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

joanne1992 :  This is SO EXCITING bee!  It sounds like you really are doing an amazing job at living your life, enjoying time with friends, and kicking ass in your career.  Keep it up!  I love that you’re going on a date.  Even if this guy doesn’t end up being the one, you’re getting out there and having fun.  Fantastic update!

Post # 506
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

What a great update! 

So pleased for you!

Post # 507
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Such a happy update!! Congrats on sticking to what you want and demanding better. Your life is going to be so much better, going after what YOU want and building your own life. Good luck with the new job!

Post # 508
Member
10568 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

joanne1992 :  

Well, this is an enormous relief, Bee.  I am so glad your life is on such an upswing.

Why is there still a need to be in contact with the ex? And no seeing him to end things on the note that they should be left.  Whateverthehell that even means.  Surely, you realize that meeting with him at this point would be insane.  Not one good thing would come of it.  He would take another crack at you, thoroughly confuse you with nonsensical word salad, and leave you on the floor in a puddle of tears.

But, you already knew that.

Good money says the reason he’s not harassing you is because he’s too busy grooming your replacement.  He doesn’t want you to totally slip away, you can remain in the harem. It’s said that no narcissist has exes.  And I think that’s true.  They never really let go of any of their prized objects.  They can pop up out of nowhere after years and expect to pick things right back up.

His love for you is the same love you feel towards a brand new pair of really, really great shoes (on sale).  Or a brand new car, reeking with new car smell.  To him, you are merely an object to be moved around on his board 

Congratulations on the new job!  It sounds pretty awesome.

As for dating, do take your time.  Be friends first.  You have a lot of unpacking yet to do.

Post # 509
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m sorry that the original job fell through, but glad it worked out with you finding your dream job! And I hope you enjoyed your tome in my city (LA).

Keep fading out that contact, if not cutting it off completely (which I would recommend). There’s no need for him to visit. 

Have fun on your date! No need to put pressure on it, think of it as an opportunity to get to know someone new. 

Post # 510
Member
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Canada

I dont know you but damn am I proud!

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