Memberhyacinthandlavender : I would not get my hopes up if I were you because I felt this girl was in denial and there’s a good chance she gets back together with her boyfriend who will never marry her 🙁
Membercaligirlinmichigan : I totally agree. I was once in a relationship like that where the guy wanted to be with me one minute and not want to be with me the next. He didn’t want to give a title to our relationship be it friends, FWBs, BF/GF. I stayed with that guy for around 18 months and I was prepared to be a FWB with him if I couldn’t be his official girlfriend. It took me those last three months to see it was going no where. I too was young around 22/23. I didn’t want to waste my time on him.
I can see my younger self in the OP. I wouldn’t be suprised if she took him back and is resigning her fate to be his girlfriend for another 5 years. I wouldn’t even laugh at the idea that she gets pregnant to him because she loves him and will not throw away those 5 years.
MemberYou made the right decision.. he sounds extremely selfish and also kind of manipulative, trying to twist things and put the blame on you. Hang in there Bee!
Memberjoanne1992 : Please come back and update us with what happened. I hope you had a wonderful time in Asia and your new job is going well.
MemberHi Twizbe,
Thanks so much for your lovely message. Yes, I had an amazing time travellng in SE. Asia thank you.. I was away for 1 month and then I actually returned home to start my job to find that they had made the role redudant due t budget cuts!! So I had to get back on the job hunt, got a job sorted which is honestly my dream job for a huge TV broadcaster so I’m really happy with myself!
I then booked a trip to the US and went to Vegas and LA with a group of girlfriends I’ve been friends with from school.
I barely spoke to/ heard from my ex over that time period but I know that he could see all of the fun I was having because he was liking pictures on Facebook that my friends had uploaded of me.
I’ve been doing OK. I’m back in London now and I start my new job next week. I’m happy that I didn’t settle for anything less than what I deserve and now thta I’m here with my friends and family around me, I know that I am generally living a fuller life at the moment .. even though my heart breaks to not be in the south of France. I honestly feel that I’m just missing the sun, beaches, southern French quality of life etc.. it’s not just him I miss but the way of life I had that. That’s what I’m finding hard to let go.
Our contact has slowly slowly faded and we have been in touch maybe once every week if he sends me a text, or just a call to see how I am. Last night he called me because he is on holiday on the West coast of France with his daughter this week alone, and he said that “He has had time to think while we haven’t been in contact and that he just thinks that he will never be capeable of marrying ANYONE .. and that it has nothing to do with me.. and that he simply thinks he will never be able to do that with anyone”. He said that he misses me and wants to come and see me in London to end things on the note that they should be left , but he also just wishes that we could be together (I.E. me just let go of my wish to get married one day and be together.. which just won’t happen).
I went to a friend’s birthday last weekend in London and met a guy there who is a mutual friend. He found me on Facebook the next day and asked to take me on a date tomorrow night.. so I’m going to go. The first date I’ve had in 4 years, so I’m not going into it expecting anything.. but it’s the first time I’ve been in a place to say yes
MemberI am so happy to read this update (minus the job being made redudant)
It sounds like you have fallen on your feet and are starting to feel like you can move forward with you life.
Tell us more about this date 🙂 sounds like fun. where are you going?
It is good that the contact is slowing – it might pick up again if he thinks there is a new man on the scene so I’d keep that to myself for now if I were you.
MemberWhat a great update, Bee! Congratulations on landing your dream job!
You will make your way back to visit the south of France one day–with your husband and perhaps even your children.
Memberjoanne1992 : YASSSSSSSSS!!!!!! This update made me happy. Thanks for taking the time!
MemberWonderful update! So happy for you! Good luck on your date and at your new job!
Hostessjoanne1992 : This is SO EXCITING bee! It sounds like you really are doing an amazing job at living your life, enjoying time with friends, and kicking ass in your career. Keep it up! I love that you’re going on a date. Even if this guy doesn’t end up being the one, you’re getting out there and having fun. Fantastic update!
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MemberSuch a happy update!! Congrats on sticking to what you want and demanding better. Your life is going to be so much better, going after what YOU want and building your own life. Good luck with the new job!
MemberWell, this is an enormous relief, Bee. I am so glad your life is on such an upswing.
Why is there still a need to be in contact with the ex? And no seeing him to end things on the note that they should be left. Whateverthehell that even means. Surely, you realize that meeting with him at this point would be insane. Not one good thing would come of it. He would take another crack at you, thoroughly confuse you with nonsensical word salad, and leave you on the floor in a puddle of tears.
But, you already knew that.
Good money says the reason he’s not harassing you is because he’s too busy grooming your replacement. He doesn’t want you to totally slip away, you can remain in the harem. It’s said that no narcissist has exes. And I think that’s true. They never really let go of any of their prized objects. They can pop up out of nowhere after years and expect to pick things right back up.
His love for you is the same love you feel towards a brand new pair of really, really great shoes (on sale). Or a brand new car, reeking with new car smell. To him, you are merely an object to be moved around on his board
Congratulations on the new job! It sounds pretty awesome.
As for dating, do take your time. Be friends first. You have a lot of unpacking yet to do.
MemberI’m sorry that the original job fell through, but glad it worked out with you finding your dream job! And I hope you enjoyed your tome in my city (LA).
Keep fading out that contact, if not cutting it off completely (which I would recommend). There’s no need for him to visit.
Have fun on your date! No need to put pressure on it, think of it as an opportunity to get to know someone new.
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