Update: The timeline talk did not go as planned.

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 136
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

What’s wrong with not being ready?  It’s fine for you to want him to take your point of view into consideration but then you should be willing to do the same.

*This comment is for OP…won’t respond to other bees looking for a debate or to hammer me over my differing view point.

Post # 139
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

azf0019 :  I’m very sympathetic to you because I was in a similar situation.  I was dating my boyfriend for a little over a year when we first talked about a timeline.  He had mentioned marriage casually and I wanted more specific information.  I think he was very caught off guard by my questions and told me that he wasn’t ready and that he’d be ready in a year.  I think he gave me that timeline to pacify me, end the conversation and buy himself more time.  We ended up getting into a nasty fight about it.

A year later, I brought it up again and surprise surprise he still wasn’t ready…it would be another year.

I hear other bees saying that he should be honored to be with you and that’s true but that doesn’t mean that he’s ready for marriage at the same time that you’re ready.  It’s really hard not being on the same page timewise.  It led to a lot of disappointment for me.

I never think it’s wise to tell someone to break up with their partner when none of us could possibly have all of the facts or know your relationship.  You’re the only one who can decide how long you’re willing to wait.  Only you know what your relationship is worth to you.

I ultimately waited for 3 years but I’m with the man that I want to be with and he’s so excited we’re engaged now.  If I had pressured him or presented him with an ultimatum, he may have harbored some resentment and I decided that I didn’t want to marry someone who wasn’t excited and ready to marry me.  It seems like marriage is hard enough without adding an unwilling partner in the mix.  Marriage is a journey…not a destination so maybe it’s ok to take your time to get there.

Some couples are able to come up with a timeline together and they’re in sync.  Some are not.  That’s ok.  I understand feeling that you want to be in control of your life and have a say in when things happen but when you combine your life with someone, it’s not always that easy. 

Sometimes it’s hard for a person to know why they’re not ready but they may know that they love the person they’re with and that’s the person they’ll want to marry.

I hope things work out and I hope you make whatever decision is best for you and best for your relationship.

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