- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
Hey guys – this will be the new thread for all of you helping me through this grieving and healing process. For those of you who want to go back to our previous discussion, you can view it here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/update-the-wedding-and-relationship-is-off
For those who are just getting on board, I’ll post the original story again:
It’s taken me a month and a half to have the strength to even visit this site. I tried averting my eyes from all the wedding talk (a little difficult). But i felt it was necessary and perhaps could bring positive messages to let you know what happened to my former fiance and me.
If you remember my post when we got engaged, he drove to surprise me as we were long distance–I was over the moon. I was with him a little over 2 years. My family loved him. He was wonderful. We were wonderful, and both so happy. We had our share of struggles being long distance and fights here and there, but we always loved eacho ther and had an amazing time together. He always told people, I knew I’d marry her since the day I met her.
At the end of August he went on a camping trip with his buddies. When he got back, something was different. This is the part I’ll never know what happened. He was distant on the phone, distant when I went to visit him in person. I cried asking if something was wrong repeatedly, but he assured me it was just stress about starting grad school soon (he’s 23). So I bought up tons of surprise gifts that would get him excited for school to cheer him up. We picked up my wedding dress one weeked I was home. Four days later, I got so worried about him I called his best friend to see if we could do something to help him with his “grad school” stress. His friend told me it was seriuos and that I had to call him right away. I did. He said he needed a week break of no communication to think about everything. I fell apart. I was confused and angry. For that whole week I cried myself to sleep, as everyone around me assured me he was just stressed and was not going to do anything since we knew how crazy he was about me! He sent me a facebook msesage promising me he wasn’t “stringing” me along. On the last day of the break I caved and called him, saying I’m not waiting one more day for you to do this. I want a say in this. He assured me he loved me and that we’d talk about it the next day when he saw me.
He showed up at my house the following day and dumped me in less than 10 minutes. There was no emotion on his face. None. He didn’t even look the same. He said it had been the happiest years of his life but that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I remember being on the floor holding on to his feet, sobbing, begging.
My dad confronted him before he could leave the house, asking him why he had said i was the love of his life just 2 weeks earlier? Or why he didn’t want to try to fix whatever he saw as a big problem in his mind? He just said, “I’m an asshole”. My mom went after him and calmly asked him to lay low on Facebook to let me heal, to which he rolled his eyes. She asked him, what happened to you? He said he simply sat down and reflected on the last year of our relationship and realized I was too much pressure on him. He said I pressured him to go to grad school (he had wanted to goand got in and then changed his mind last minute, but did choose to go in the end), pressured him to propose, and pressured him to spend time with me. He also said I dont know if I want kids in life (I do), while we had talked about having kids a lot before. My mom asked him why he wouldn’t have told me to work on those things rather than just saying everything was great and up and leaving? He called my mom “immature” and drove away.
I called begging for answers. He blocked my phone number. I sent an email begging to work on things. He said he didn’t have the energy, and knew the problems weren’t fixable. He said he put too much into the relationship and wasn’t getting anything back, and didn’t want to try. He said he really did mean they were the happiest years of his life, and that his feelings simply changed in the last two weeks, whatever that means. Then he also said he knew he wasn’t happy for a year, as in before he proposed. The story changed a lot in his responses. It simply came down to it was my fault. Since the break up, he has gone out partying almost every night (I’m told), and has been handling it very well. He even hired an attorney to make sure we couldn’t go after him for wedding expenses, apparently. Again, he was so so close to my family, and just became a different person. I’m not sure if it’s an immaturity thing, or character. My grief counselor said true character comes out not in times of good but times of hardship, but maybe she’s just telling me that so I feel better. Either way, I’m convinced I won’t do better than him.
None of us will ever understand. It has been the hardest thing to go through. I can’t get through my days yet without breaking down uncontrollably. And I’m pretty convinced I will end up alone or worse, settling, because I’ll always wish it was him waiting for me at the end of the aisle. yet everyone tells me I shouldn’tw ant him back after all this, I don’t know what that means either. Either way, I am pretty convinced I will always wish he’d come back, and that I’ll be so empty without him. I can’t imagine ever finding anyone that made me feel how he did, being that attracted to someone, laughing that much with someone, or worse, trusting someone again.
I’m so sorry I’ve rambled. I thought I should let you know for all the people that thought we were a sweet couple. We really were. I don’t know what happened to him. He bailed, disappeared, and then was rude to my family and friends. He never even said he was sorry. He was the sweetes guy when I was with him, and I wish I coudl explain it.
I love you all, and appreciate any advice or words of wisdom you may have, but my journey to my wedding ends here today.