(Closed) Update, the Wedding (and relationship) Is Off – Healing Journey (Part 2)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 515
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

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@MissMelly:  I totally agree that seeing all these supportive messages is helpful- it’s good reinforcement 🙂  I just want you to be able to fully enjoy your present life, as well! 🙂  Good luck tomorrow!

Post # 516
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

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@MissMelly:  Hi hon, I hope this finds you in a better place. xoxo

Post # 517
Member
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@MissMelly:  How did that interview go??  Or has it not happened yet?

Post # 518
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I hope your interview went well!!

Post # 520
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

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@MissMelly:  Just wanted to chime in as I’m a 25 year old, single girl living in the Twin Cities too! It seems like a lot of your fears are about how you’ll meet someone now that you’re out of college, which is certainly a little more challenging, but I wanted to make sure you’re also okay with the idea that you can be single for a while too.

I’ve gone on plenty of dates from meeting people at bars, meeting new guys when my friends have new boyfriends and so meet their friends, reconnecting with people from high school, and all sorts of unexpected ways. But also, I’ve been able to spend the past couple of years casually dating, but also being okay with the fact that I don’t need to be with someone. I’m only now getting to the point where I feel like I’ve tapped out on other resources, and am thinking about giving online dating a shot since so many people here have had success. 

Trust me, you’ll get through this if you allow yourself to!

Post # 521
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@chancehere:  I have never done it but I do know of some very good relationships that have started online.

Post # 523
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@MissMelly:  I think it is ideal for very busy people.

Post # 524
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

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@MissMelly:  How come? I feel like it would be way more flexible than traditional dating! I had a job where I had to travel for 6-7 weeks each fall with mostly only weekends home and my collegues had some of their best luck online!

Post # 526
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@MissMelly:  I am not sure how it works but I think you use screen names and it is your choice when to reveal your real name?

Post # 527
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

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@MissMelly:  You certainly don’t use your real name on your profile! You make up a screen name. You only have to tell someone your name if you want to meet them, and even then only a first name is necessary. 

Post # 528
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

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@MissMelly:  But in all, there isn’t any hurry to give online dating a shot either. Please consider what I mentioned about being okay with being single for a while too, especially while recovering from a previous relationship. So no worries either way!

Post # 529
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@chancehere:  I agree that the most important thing you can do is be 100% happy as a single person. If you think all you happiness and life goals are tied into finding “the one”, you will attract the kind of guy that knows he can treat you like sh** because you will stay around no matter what (any guy is better than being alone). If being alone isn’t scary and you know you can make yourself happy and you’ll acomplish your life goals with or without a guy in it, you will attract a guy that will treat you with respect and he will continue to treat you well because he knows that if he doens’t, you’ll dump him. 

I was 38, unemployed, 20-30 lbs overweight, living with my parents and dealing with an illness that made it difficult to function. But I saw my friends in their early to mid 30’s marry guys that weren’t the best for them (and stayed with them even when they were disrespectful because they promised them marriage and babies). I saw how miserable they were, so I made peace with being single for the rest of my life. My goal was to be happy and I would rather be happy alone than miserable with someone.  

You would think in the state I was in would pick any guy that would have me. But again I wasn’t looking for a guy to marry me. I just wanted to find someone who was fun to hang around. So despite all the factors against me–really, who would want someone who was unemployed, ill, overweight and living with their parents at 38?–I decided to do online dating. After only 2 months online, I went out with DH (only the 2nd guy I went out with). 

We’ve been together a little over 4 years (and married a little over 2) and he still treats me like a queen. He always treats me with respect. He knows that as much a I love him and can’t imagine my life without him, I would leave him in a second if he ever started disrespecting me. I live myself too much to allow anyone to treat me badly.

 

You are young and will meet someone, but only once you have learned to love yourself and your life exactly they way it is. There is something inside of you that thinks that life will only start for you once you meet “the ONE” and all your goals and dreams will come true. The reason you are still stuck on Mr. A**hole is because he made promises that he would make all your dreams come true. Until you know that 1)he was never going to do that and 2)only *you* are responsible for making your dreams come true, you will be stuck. 

Ask yourself, why the promise of hapiness (because they way he really treated you did not make you really happy), the illusion of happiness (because you loved they way he made you feel when you were around other people), was enough? Don’t you want real happiness?

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