I’m 44. I’ve been married twice already, lived with a guy and had a few other relationships.
Two of the guys I had relationships with, had male best friends that had a disproportionate influence on them.
The first time, it was the guy I lived with. I was about your age…and his ‘best friend’ was a deeply unattractive man who’d never had a proper girlfriend. He was less than pleased when I came along….and it got worse when we moved in together. I was having a difficult time at work…and came home one Sunday to find that my guy had completely packed up all his stuff and moved back to his parents! No warning, no discussion, all I got was a pathetic note.
I was devestated. I’d started seeing this guy very soon after my first marriage ended, and yes, things had moved pretty quickly. But I was still blindsided. After a couple of weeks, he came back and we started dating again. It didn’t work…I couldn’t forgive him for what he had done, and his ‘best friend’ was giving him grief. Worse, best friend and ex’s mother ganged up against me, and booked him and best friend a week away over Christmas, knowing that I would end up spending it on my own!
Their little plan to break us up for good worked.
The second time, it was a guy who had a ‘best friend’ who just plain didn’t like me coming along and taking his drinking and golf buddy away. This guy was so open to his influence that when his ‘best friend’ told him I wasn’t pretty, he took it to heart and dumped me! And put the boot really in by telling me what his ‘best friend’ had said!!
Both these guys were about your ex FI’s age. Both were very very immature. Most people (I’ve seen girls guilty of this, too) start trusting their own judgement, stop listening to peer pressure once they go into their 20s…but some just don’t. Some never do, hence ‘keeping up with the Jones’.
Take it from me, and the other ladies here. It doesn’t feel like it at the moment, but you will have the passion and the love again. I left my 2nd husband when I was 41, and I thought that was it. I met my current Fiance within a year, and we are a far better match than anyone that went before.
It’s an old cliche, but give yourself time, peace and think of yourself. Good luck.