(Closed) Update, the Wedding (and relationship) Is Off

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 182
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not one for long winded words of encouragement, just know you have a strangers love and support from miles away! <3

Post # 184
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@MissMelly:  I”m not entirely sure how to get all the Minneapolis people together. There is a Minneapolis board but it doesn’t have too much traffic. You could try making a meetup on meetup.com and linking to it on here or something like that.

I’m fairly new to the site, so if someone else has a better idea I’d love to hear it.

Post # 186
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MissMelly:  I am so sorry your going threw this! I wish nothing but the best for you! And you WILL find someone MUCH better than him and someone who cares about you a thousand times more! HUGS!!!

Post # 187
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The best thing is too look hot not look back and keep busy…don’t let him know your sitting at home crying for him. 

Post # 191
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Wow, your post brought flashbacks of my ex, who did basically the exact same thing (more than once, I may add), even though we weren’t engaged. Right down to the cold stare and saying he’d felt that way for the past year…he hadn’t. And I’m sure yours didn’t mean that either. I don’t know about your guy, but mine was kind of a flake and could easily convince himself of things that weren’t true just because he would fixate on what he wanted to be true to make himself feel justified.

My ex actually tried to get back in contact with me a long time afterwards by sending an email that said “I heard from a friend that you wanted to get in touch. You can hit me up anytime” Hah! it felt so good to tell him “I don’t know what your “friend” was smoking but I haven’t even mentioned your NAME since we broke up”

I have a feeling your ex will eventually try to win you back. if he does, you’ll feel so much better that you dropped him, and if he doesn’t, you’ll still be better off. It doesn’t feel that way now but eventually he’ll be so far from your thoughts that you won’t care if he ever contacts you again or not.

Post # 192
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@MissMelly:  I just have to say that this totally reminded me of my ex before I met my current Fiance… I was IN LOVE.  Head over heels.  We lived together and I thought a proposal was coming.  Then, out of nowhere, drops the bomb on me that we’re through.  I was crushed.  My whole word turned upside down.  I begged, pleaded, tried to get him back in any way I could.  He was done.  

I lost 9 pounds in 1 week.  I was so so so depressed. It took quite a while and I was depressed for some time but I couldn’t be the shell of a person I was becoming without him. So, I read self help books.  Books about breakups.  Books about self esteem.  I began to see a therapist.  I got my ass to the gym and got in shape.  I went OUT  a LOT.  I was 23 at the time.  I ended up having the TIME of my LIFE.  

I was single and loving it.  Enjoying me and what I wanted for once, since I always put him first.  I did better in school and got my degree.  I met guys and went on dates.  I spent time with my family and my friends.  I was very happy and loving life.  

Then I met my Fiance, and well that’s that.  ๐Ÿ™‚  

You will be and can fall in love again.  Remember that there are many other loves out there for you.  He was in your life to show you that you deserve MUCH better for yourself.  Take care!  I promise you’ll feel better.  

p.s.  I know it’s silly but I watched movies like Under the Tuscan Sun A LOT when I was going through my breakup.  Also read a ton of fiction novels (not romances) to keep my mind OFF of what happened.  Watch or read Eat.Pray.Love… That’s a beautiful book about finding yourself. I know they’re silly suggestions but when I was broken hearted I did anything I could to feel better ๐Ÿ™‚  oh yeah and It’s Called a Breakup because it’s Broken is a great book too! 

Post # 193
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@MissMelly: you should ignore all the good he did for two years bc guess what, he forgot all the good YOU did in a heartbeat.

Post # 194
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Oh girl, I promise you that you are the only one who can see how perfect and amazing and charming he is…he probably looks very average to everyone else.  Everyone has a relatable story as do I.  I’ll spare you all from listening to it though and tell you what helped me.  Put on some Reba “Consider me gone” on repeat, buy “Why men love bitches” and read it cover to cover, it will change your life, and always remember that each day it will hurt a little bit less. You may not notice it at first but with every day that goes by it gets easier and the sun will always come up tomorrow.  Your life is not over and in two years when you found the man that you didn’t even know you were looking for you will realize that this happened for a reason.  I mean, pardon you, you selfish beezie for trying to help him reach his full potenial and encourging him to go to grad school.  Thats HORRIBLE of you! 23 is young and you sound like you have so much to give and you have so much more to offer than most girls.  He sounds like a child and as perfect as he seems to you, he isn’t. You have your head on straight and if I were you, I’d surround myself with my friends…don’t be alone right now, drink some wine, eat a lot of salad, take up a new class at the gym, get some fabulous extensions and make yourself feel important.  You need to heal but always look forward and don’t blame this on yourself. Listening to those dumbass friends is pointless you should just ignore them and cut them out of your life.  Focus on your closest friends and branch out and make new ones too. You tell that little bitch he calls his best friend that if he ever threatens you again, a bunch of Bees will come along and destroy his life online. I got your back girl ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 195
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh honey. I’m so so sorry. All I can tell you is that he’s young and he’s the immature one. The reason he’s partying is because he feels free, he must have felt like you held him down. If he felt like that he should’ve let you go a long time ago. You deserved that.

This isn’t your fault. It’s his selfishness and cowardice that got you both to this position.

I’ve been there. Trust me. I know you feel like you’ll never do better but you will, I have.I was with someone for 3 years looked at venues and were on the path to look at rings and then we fell apart. I was a mess for a few months but I became stronger and moved on and now I’m happier than I ever imagined.

I think everyone has to go through one really horrible heart break, but after you do you’re stronger and know that you can get through anything.You will come out so much stronger on the other side of this.

The pain will pass.

All the best.

Post # 196
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

*hugs* I’m so sorry you are going through this.

I’ve always believed that the hardships and heartaches we go through shape us into the person we are for who we are meant to be with. I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t had my heart broken along the way a time or two. I’m sure that I’ve hurt people too, through immaturity or not meaning to. The regret from doing that has helped me grow also. I could share stories but I think you know from reading everyone elses that so many people have gone through this also- I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone and you have support from me too ๐Ÿ™‚

For now you need to know that you didn’t do anything wrong in this situation. You need to take the energy that you were pouring into making him happy and put it into making yourself happy, because no one else can do that but you. Allow yourself to cry, but try not to dwell on the what ifs and what could have beens- that’s not healthy or productive. Be mad! Turn your mad energy into something positive and productive- the book you want to write, or getting out and doing something that you want to do. I’m big on music, so I always end up putting together a mix of “angry” (more like up-beat, break-up songs, lol) music, it’s my guilty pleasure Embarassed I would rock out and listen to my angry break up songs, I don’t know it always helped me somehow. I’m glad you are planning a get together with people. It’s important to get out and do things, especially when it can be so tempting to just stay at home and be miserable. I think the gals here have given you so much great advise and while it’s going to take some time, I have a feeling that one day you are going to come back on here and give us all an update with happy news ๐Ÿ™‚

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