(Closed) Update, the Wedding (and relationship) Is Off

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Hugs of support to you!! <3 <3 <3

Make no mistake, like everyone else said, it’s not you.  Not matter what you did -if you nagged, if you were too sad, if you kicked his dog, if you burned his house to ground – it was HIS fault for not saying something in the first place and giving you (and him) a chance to work on it.

Also, the way he treated your parents was so rude.  That’s more telling than anything. Yeah, maybe he didn’t love you and that doesn’t inherently make him a jerk (but in this case it does), but the way he treated your parents!! 

Him and his best friend are rotten to the core.  PERIOD.

Stay strong and I’m sending you lots of loving thoughts.  You’ll get through this and live an amazing life.

Also, I hope you’ll get a chance to tell those two to suck a bag of dicks.

Post # 79
Member
6739 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@MissMelly:  STOP.  Stop blaming yourself.  No one ever does everything perfectly in a relationship.  When my Fiance and I first started dating, I would yell a lot when I got angry.  His response wasn’t to date me for 2 years and then break up with me because he couldn’t handle my yelling anymore.  His response was to tell me why he doesn’t like it when I yell and to help me to stop.  That’s what you do.  That’s what you do when you have a mature relationship and want to communicate. 

My ex did the SAME thing to me – everything was perfect and then we had a fight and everything blew up and I kicked him out of my house and broke up and then begged for him to come back and we tried for one weekend, then he said no and it ended like that.  After that, I spent weeks and weeks hounding him for answers and he caved and told me all the things that had been bothering him all along, things I never would have thought of.  And I just said, “Why didn’t you tell me this before?  While we were dating?” And his answer was that he just didn’t.  Well, that’s helpful.  Then I cut him out of my life because I needed to heal and move on.  He’s not going to learn how to communicate over night.  Perhaps losing me will teach him for the next girl.  But, I will find someone who has already learned that lesson.  And now that’s what you have to do – cut him out, heal and move on. 

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@Nona99:  This is probably exactly what happened.  And you definitely don’t need a guy who is that impressionable by his friends.  They will dictate your entire relationship.  NIGHTMARE. 

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@MissMelly:  Yet my mind still wanders, some other girl will get to have him.

GEEZ, let that poor girl have him lol..That last thing I’d ever want is a BOY who lets his friends dictate his life. 

Post # 80
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

*BIG HUGE HUG*

 

Post # 83
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’ve been there, i had a boyfriend also in LDR for 3 years, i loved him with all my heart, he was mi first boyfriend and in everything else… everything was great when he just one day decided he didnt want to be with me anymore… gooood i cried so hard and felt hopeless and everything you’re feeling now.

I then started to date one of my best friends after 3 weeks (it was way to fast, i know, but he made me feel loved and much better).

A couple of months a friend of mine told me that my ex had cheated on me for at least half od our relationship with some goth b*tch.

Well… about a year later my asshole ex started to tease me with this “i miss you” BS, and even when i knew it wasnt true, instead of blocking him i kept talking to him… until i fell for that crap, and i got confused (i was studying abroad and in a LDR with my boyfriend) but i thought “oh well, when i get back home and see SO, everything will get better”.

It didnt because my SO was acting distant… we broke up but got back together after a week… After another week my Ex’s girlfriend broke up with him, i got confused and left my boyfriend to get back to my ex.

And well… everything worked out so well

NOT

He cheated on me again WITH THAT SAME GOTH CHICK.

So please, if he tried to get you back, don’t let him…

After a year of heartache because i dumped in the trash a decent relationship… I finally met DH, and i’ve never felt better.

Post # 85
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

Eleven months ago, me and my ex of two years broke up. I was head over heals for him. He’s funny, sweet, cute. Now, I’m married to someone who is all of those things and so much more…he’s a man. I trust him more than I thought I could trust anyone. And I know he woudn’t do what my ex did to me. 

Like your situation, he had a major bromance (and still does) with his best friend, who is incredibly immature. While around me, my ex was nice and fun and we had a great time together. When he was out with his friends, he’d get shitfaced. He cheated on me twice. Evidently (he told me this months later) he was trying to get me to break up with him, but I forgave him because it was just kissing. I could tell he wasn’t really happy the last couple months. A week or so beforehand we got our “engagement” pictures done. And then I just gave up. He wasn’t upset or anything. It wasn’t a complete shock. (Although he had done that to me before he cheated on me….I moved out for a week and then we “worked things out” and I wish we hadn’t. We were on the phone and he told me he was done and that was that). 

After the break up, he was out pretty much every night. We’re friends now, and he told me that he’s slept with 8 or so people in the past 11 months. (Before me, he’d only slept with two people). He went to Vegas a couple times and just slept with people and got drunk.

Now he’s dating my next door neighbor, and I’m genuinely happy that they’re together because I know he can be a nice guy, but he wasn’t happy with me. His mom even told me that she knew we were going to break up because I wouldn’t stop “nagging” him during our engagment pictures…all I did was ask him to smile. There were literally 3 pictures of him smiling. Now, he has like a zillion pictures of him and my next door neighbor on facebook smiling and hanging out.

It’ll take a few months, but you’ll move on. A clean break is IMPORTANT. Even if you got back together, could you trust him? I wouldn’t, because he’s not a stable person. He needs to mature a lot. Mature people don’t just break up with you out of the blue. They talk and communicate issues and work them out.

Post # 86
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MissMelly:  Either way, I’m convinced I won’t do better than him.

I’m sorry you’re hurting, but if he is 23 you might be similar in age. This is very young and you actually have been given a gift: You’re freedom. He recognized he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with you, or that his feelings weren’t marriage quality. This is a gift. You are now free to find someone who will be wholly invested in a relationship. He wasn’t it.

I don’t mean to sound cruel, but I’m not good at sugar-coating. I’m much older and life has taught me a lot. He wasn’t it-just that simple. It may have been good and fun with him for 2 years and you should appreciate that you had a couple of fun years. You will meet someone who is way better for you than he is. It will happen when it happens. Live your life to the fullest. Have fun, get educated, do good for society. Love will come along. You do not need a man to be happy or to be in a relationship to be happy. Stand on your own two feet and live the hell out of every day. Let this become a part of your past. Love is out there.

Post # 87
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@MissMelly:  you will find someone better, there are 7 billion people out there, believe me. 🙂

Post # 89
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m sending you lots of hugs!!

I know it seems like the end of the world and like you’ll never be happy with another person but give it some time and it will happen for you!  My Future Brother-In-Law was with a girl for over 7 years.  They were engaged and even had a house together.  Now I won’t say that she was always nice because to be honest she treated me like sh*t from day one.  But I do know that he got along VERY well with her family and my Future In-Laws got along with her for the most part (they were never rude, mean, or treated her poorly).

She went on vacation with her family and even bought candles for their centerpieces while away.  Her bridesmaid dresses came in while she was on vacation as well and was super excited about it.  The day after she got back she was talking to the priest about the wedding and even an Aunt to see if she was going to be making the trip in.  The VERY next day she told my Future Brother-In-Law that she loved him like a brother and didn’t know what she wanted anymore.  She said she needed time to think about things.  A week later she broke up with him and called off the wedding (4 months prior to it).  He said that she as well had no emotion.

She now has a new boyfriend.  She has seen a lot of my FBILs family and friends and she always “snubs” them.  Her parents had insisted there was no one else but from what we know we’re pretty sure they started talking/ dating before she broke things off.

You might not ever know what really happened.  But I can say things will get better and you will be happy again.  My Future Brother-In-Law was the exact same as you’re descibing, crying all the time, was only happiest with her, thought he’d never trust or find another girl.  You know what, I have never seen him happier!  And he even just started talking to another girl.  It will take time but I’m a firm believer in “things happen for a reason”.  The reasons usually aren’t very clear and we don’t always agree with what’s happening.  Keep your chin up!!  I wish you the best!

Post # 90
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m so sorry to read this. I wouldn’t wish the kind of pain that you’re going through on my worst enemy. But I do know that is does get better. It doesn’t feel like it now, but it will. And, as other posters and your family says—it’s not your fault. He is the one who changed and has the problems. Try and keep your head up. You will meet someone esle. You were head over heels for him; and at one point he was head over heels for you too. Someone better will see the same amazing things he saw in you, too. And from the way he’s acted and shown his true colors—your new guy will certainly be a much, much better man. 

Post # 91
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Hey lady, I wish I could tell you that in the next week after internet hugs, whiskey, and bubble baths you will suddenly feel awesome.

It is going to be a long, long uphill recovery. My first love took everything from me and I legit had to go across the globe without technology to get over it. I am about to marry the best friend I’ve ever had (good times and bad) five years later. 

It will get better but the healing process doesnt start until you knock him off this pedastool. Instead of him being the ass that just dropped you, you are making him “the one that got away.” 

You’ve got a whole internet of ladies to pump you up. I wish you a speedy recovery and lots of fun mixed drinks.

You are better. You will do better. It hurts now, but until you stop feeding yourself Katy Perry breakup lyrics you won’t start to move on.

I am sorry for your loss. Wishing you the best.

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