UPDATE to Am I being a grinch?

posted 8 months ago in Holidays
Post # 2
Member
6060 posts
Bee Keeper

WOW she sounds horrible! I feel so bad for your fi having to put up with that bullshit. I’m glad he knows she means “what I want” and not an actual compromise. He needs to stay strong. I’m petty AF and would probably show up later than noon (maybe your hair is taking REALLY LONG to dry??) but thats me lol. Sorry bee, this vacation sounds like its going to be a barrel of fun.

Post # 4
Member
4538 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Well I agree that they shouldn’t have to wait til noon to open gifts just because you chose that time to go over. Kids or not, people like to open presents up in the a.m. 

Post # 5
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Let her have her tantrum and throw her toys out the pram, but stay strong and stick to your plan. It’s your Christmas Day too. 

She needs to learn the world doesn’t revolve around her. Don’t reward her poor behaviour by letting her get her way. 

I like to open my presents in the morning, I’m a big kid at Christmas and usually do it before I even cook breakfast (Horrendously Vulgar according to one of the tabloids I was skimming through earlier) but if it was that important to me that someone else was there, I’d wait until they arrived. 

Post # 7
Member
910 posts
Busy bee

kat5 :  If I were in this situation, that’s precisely what I’d do if I lived close enough, Bee:  Go over at 7am, open gifts, have breakfast, and leave by noon.  If dinner was being served at 7pm, I’d arrive around 6, then leave after dinner wound down. 

It’s enough of a reason that you and your fiance want to spend part of Christmas quietly together and refresh yourselves before dinner.  Your Future Mother-In-Law needs to take a chill pill. 

Post # 9
Member
910 posts
Busy bee

kat5 :  Don’t offer it as an option.  You can play this game, too.  “We realize that you were going to be upset by us not being able to be there for presents.  We’ll make it over early so we can do that with you, and then we’re going to spend the afternoon together.  We’ll be back for dinner around 5-6.” 

Frankly, it doesn’t matter if she’s upset.  You’ll be there for the two big events of the day and spend the rest of it as a couple.  THAT is compromise. 

Post # 10
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly I think you should stick with the plan. If she turns into that much of a grinch, then that loss is really on her. Backing down now will pave the way to show her she can push and shove yall into her own plans. I think 9 hours is still a great deal of time, plus your vacation! You guys are being totally reasonable, she needs to grow up some.

Post # 11
Member
3737 posts
Sugar bee

Your fiance needs to man up and stop acting like a boy or his mother is going to make life hell for you both. While it’s a shame for him that she acts this way, people treat you how you allow them to treat you. Right now he’s allowing her to run roughshod over you both. He needs to be the one to stand up and learn not to be upset when his mother throws a tantrum worthy of a 2 year old.

A good response to her tirade would have been, “Fine, we don’t want to hold up your present opening. We’ll do our present opening at home then and come by for dinner”. I’ve learned not to be a people pleaser to entitled people, it only encourages their abysmal behavior. Frankly I wouldn’t want to even go on this family vacation. It doesn’t sound like a vacation so much as a command performance.

Post # 13
Member
11764 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I agree that your fiancé has to learn to stand up to his mother and tell her how things will be. If she’s upset she’s upset. In this case since you are leaving the next day on vacation I would simply tell her you have things to do and will be there later. 

Post # 14
Member
3737 posts
Sugar bee

@kat5 I’m glad he was able to keep his composure, that’s half the battle. Now he just needs to learn not to care or feel guilty if his mother is upset over not getting her way. Too bad, so sad. I’m your MIL’s age and I never pull this kind of shit on my kids. I saw my ILs do this and it left an indelible impression – of what not to do. All it does is make them resent you over time. I’d rather my kids actually want to see us; I don’t want to strong arm them into it.

Post # 15
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee

Please be firm with her now. Can you imagine her when you have kids and the holidays roll around? SHe will be a crazy needy demanding toddler. 

We always meet up with my parents and family for Christmas, but except for once have always had Christmas morning all to ourselves. We needed to establish our own family time as a unit outside of our parents. Luckily my parents were totally on board, and were adamant about giving us space. My lovely in-laws (no sarcasm, seriously lovely people), unfortunately, live in another country so we are less split on sharing time during the holidays.

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