- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
So here is the first part this is the update to
So, basically mother and me worked things out- oddly enough she is being more mature than my own sister is at this point. Just to clarify, I left a clear, and concise voicemail to my sister saying that my boundaries had been crossed, and I felt my trust had been mishandled by my sister, and that it might be best if she reduced her involvement in the wedding planning process. I also politely asked that she please forward any questions from mom and dad about FI’s and my wedding back to us- to let them know that they should talk to us first about things. And this is the passive aggressive mess I got back (I did really try to be graceful in the msg, but its obvious that was pointless).
I tried to be civil with her, and its more than obvious that she is less than interested in coming to the shugan (indian ceremony) that my parents asked her to come to- basically Im getting grief from my parents because they think I told her not to come- she obviously doesnt even want to come even though my parents, and I have both said shes more than welcome. I for one will not cater to her inflated ego anymore in all this- I was polite, I even apologized with grace in the face of any offense, but what are you going to do when someone is intent on holding a grudge?
Anyways, heres the msg exchange after I left her a msg, basically asking her to respect Fiance and my boundaries about the wedding planning.
i’m not going to call you back. 1. youve made yourself clear. 2. youve made whatever assumptions about my involvement with the shugan.3. anything i say isnt going to make things better because youve already made your assumptions. 4. i dont care what you think you think, what you think you’ve agreed on with sean. do what you want, as you want. 5. make sure you know everything before you go accusing people of things based on assumptions because some things you cant ever take back. 6. agreed. dont ever talk to me about the wedding. Ive heard enough as it is.
That is perfectly fine, its totally within your scope to do whatever you like. I just feel alot of my boundaries in our relationship have been crossed, and felt the need to reaffirm them via a phone call with you; however, since you were unavailable, I decided to leave you a calm voicemail. Im sorry you felt it was insulting, and so much so that you informed mom and dad about it- as far as they are concerned I apparently insulted you in this whole missive or apparently through a large insulting email, which I think we both know that I did not- I would appreciate you clearing that up with them on your end please. All I asked for from them and from you was to respect my boundaries, as well as Shawn’s- a small request in any regard.
As far as the shugan goes, mom informed me today that you wanted to be formally invited to it; ultimately, I think its really pointless of me to call you to just invite you to something our parents already invited you to- as I said before, its totally your prerogative to come. I think it would make mom and dad very happy, and as far as Im concerned, you are more than welcome. I just find it rather disappointing that you felt the need to misrepresent our exchange with mom and dad. I dont feel that was necessary, or fair, because I really did make the effort to be calm and firm as much as I could via the voicemail. If you felt offended, or slighted, I am sorry for that, but my intention was simply to inform you of my feelings, and how to move forward. Anyways, I hope you are well, and all the best.
I’m not going to banter back and forth to have you misunderstand me again because anything i saw will be taken dissected, analyzed and taken the wrong way. I have my own plans for the weekend on the coast, and if my schedule allows, we will make the shugan, otherwise hope it goes well.
*then 15 minutes later Fi and I get this msg from her*
- Hi guys, We will attend the shugan on saturday, but I’m afraid we wont be able to make the lunch. We’ve got some prego errands to run while down on the coast and one day to do them all, while visiting mom and dad. Mom is pretty excited about the shugan so we are looking forward to it.see you saturday, Sister
This is what I said back (last msg I will be sending)
- Me : Thats fine, I have extended my welcome as far as my comfort allows, and its up to you to do the rest. Please also let mom and dad know because they are under the strong impression that its a done deal that you are coming to lunch, and they deserve to know otherwise if thats not the case. Also, I really rather not be the one to be blamed in this situation, should you decide for yourself that its not for you- I respect that choice, I just hope you communicate it to our parents as your choice. And just to ensure we understand one another,- please let mom and dad know that you will not be coming to lunch, as I do not think that is Shawn and my place to say. Thanks in advance.
My sister responds:
- i have already spoken to mom and dad, just moments ago. And i have also messaged Shawn and you, so that he can tell his parents not to plan for us for lunch. I dont need you to tell me what is cordial, I think being in the industry that i am, and being me, i know what steps to take to ensure ample communication
- Hope you have a pleasant birthday tomorrow. 23 is a milestone, mark it accordingly.
*Im not going to respond…the passive aggressiveness is oozing here- just no point right?*
I honestly tried to handle this like an adult and put water under the bridge as far as Im concerned- I hope my parents realize that not only is my sister completely disinterested in coming to this ceremony that they are giving me grief for, but that I totally gave the olive branch, and it was thrown back in my face. If I sound upset in my last msg, its because I am- mom and dad really want her to come, and instead of considering their feelings, she rather do it to spite me and not come- the only people who will be hurt by this is our parents, a fact she seems to be missing (or just doesnt care about).
If you are wondering why I didnt talk to her over the phone, its because every time I call she refuses to answer it. Its more than obvious also by her msg that even if I left a voicemail she wouldnt return my call.
I really hope I handled this the best I could. I just wanted to vent on here a bit over it. Im just done with this relationship for the time being- Im glad she told mum and dad that shes not coming to the ceremony. If she doesnt come then thats her call- Im not the one she is disappointing here, its my parents, and the fact that shes acting like Im the one in the wrong for pointing that out, just speaks volumes to me.
I just am sooo tired for being blamed for her mood swings, her childish behaviour and general lack of being reasonable. I honestly have been blamed these last few days for her lack of interest in this thing- This whole ceremony has become about whether or not my sister will be coming, as opposed to celebrating a tradition with my inlaws and cementing the cultural bonds of our families. Im so sick of it.