- 4 years ago
You can view the original post here.
So it’s been nearly a month, and nothing has changed. DH does not want to go to counseling, even though I set up an appointment at a university near us…it would cost $25/session. But he does not think he needs it. He promised to make adjustments to his behavior, and to not be so snobby. But he keeps making snarky remarks about my BFF, and I’m really uncomfortable with it. When my BFF and I had a fight earlier this month, DH was egging me on to just cut ties with her, even though BFF is closer to me than my own sister! (BFF and I made up, and everything is cool!)
DH was even let go from his last assignment partly because he doesn’t get along well with others, partly because he was unsafe. He is union, so he doesn’t think it’s a big deal to get let go from assignments, because he’ll get another one in a few days. Well, this time it took a week for another assignment, and it’s only for 5 days, so that means starting Monday, he will be out of work again.
He doesn’t understand the toll this is taking financially on me. I planned on going to law school in the fall of 2014, but if he doesn’t work steadily, I can’t pay for law school and all our expenses. (The program I want to enter is part time, and after Stafford loans, there is about 8K left to cover each year, which I can do, since I have to keep working anyway.)
So this brings us to a conversation this morning that really hit me hard. I wrote it down right after, so this is exactly what happened:
Before we left the house for work, I had a mild freakout because of a job interview later today. DH just stood there, and didn’t say anything, and then he walked out the door to go to the car. This conversation takes place on the ride to work.
Me: I really needed you ten minutes ago. I really needed you to help calm me down.
DH: I don’t know how to do that, sorry.
(silence for about ten minutes)
Me: You really don’t know that much about me, do you?
DH: I’m not so good at helping the emotions of others.
This happens a lot. Sometimes, I need him to support me emotionally, and he either can’t or he won’t. I’ve called him out on it before. I’ve told him what I need him to do. But this is the first time that he’s admitted that he can’t do that for me.
DH always tells me what a great wife I am, because I always know what to say to him. I know how to cheer him up or calm him down. But he can’t do that for me, and I need that very, very much.
I’m ready to call it quits. This is not working for me anymore. He can’t support me emotionally, and he hasn’t helped very much financially for the past few years. He has a very bad track record about caring for my safety.
I’m just done. I don’t know when to have the conversation with him. We have a vacation next week, and my birthday is in late June.
I think the first step is to talk with an attorney, right? Any advice for this?